Mock Draft 2.0 (Roid Rage)

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Sam Darnold (USC) QB
2 New York Giants Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
3 New York Jets Baker Mayfield (Oklahoma) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
5 Denver Broncos Mike McGlinchey (Notre Dame) OL
6 Indianapolis Colts Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
8 Chicago Bears Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
9 San Francisco 49ers Courtland Sutton (SMU) WR
10 Oakland Raiders Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB
11 Miami Dolphins Vita Vea (Washington) DT
12 Buffalo Bills Maurice Hurst (Michigan) DL
13 Washington Redskins Josh Allen (Wyoming) QB
14 Green Bay Packers Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB
15 Arizona Cardinals Tremaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
16 Baltimore Ravens Harold Landry (BC) LB
17 Los Angeles Chargers Derwin James (FSU) S
18 Seattle Seahawks Josh Jackson (Iowa) CB
19 Dallas Cowboys Calvin Ridley (Alabama) WR
20 Detroit Lions Marcus Davenport (Texas-SA) DE
21 Cincinnati Bengals Isaiah Wynn (Georgia) OL
22 Buffalo Bills Mike Hughes (Central Florida) CB
23 New England Patriots Leighton Vander Esch (Boise St) LB
24 Carolina Panthers DJ Moore (Maryland) WR
25 Tennessee Titans Josh Sweat (FSU) DE
26 Atlanta Falcons Kolton Miller (UCLA) OL
27 New Orleans Saints Lamar Jackson (Louisville) QB
28 Pittsburgh Steelers Rashaan Evans (Alabama) LB
29 Jacksonville Jaguars Mason Rudolph (Oklahoma St) QB
30 Minnesota Vikings Taven Bryan (Florida) DL
31 New England Patriots Connor Williams (Texas) OL
32 Philadelphia Eagles Mike Gesicki (PSU) TE
Instant Analysis:  Darnold still holds down the top spot, although it is getting harder and harder to ignore the Josh Allen-to-the-Browns chatter.  I already laid out the argument why the Giants should draft their next franchise quarterback here, but for this mock I’m going to give them the only other player they should consider at 2: DE Bradley Chubb.  Gettleman is old school; he’ll love the positional value of getting a pass rusher with a premium draft pick.  I think the Jets are smitten with Baker Mayfield, but really after the Christian Heckenburg disaster they’ll settle for any one of the top 4 QBs.  Cleveland adds the best corner in the draft (an area of desperate need for this team).  McGlinchey is the first real surprise (but not the last) of this mock.  Denver tried to upgrade their O-line with a nixed trade with the Dolphins for Ja’Wuan James.  Gil Brandt thinks the Notre Dame prospect is going in the Top 10, so why not to Denver?  Indy will be tempted to trade down, but when a blue-chip prospect like Nelson falls in their lap they should sprint to the podium.  Same goes for the Bucs with Barkley.  I’m not exactly projecting trades in this mock per se, but the way the board has fallen so far, the Bears are in the catbird seat to trade down (and still have a chance at landing the prospect they are eyeing).  This would be seen as a big win for Ryan Pace, whom still has a black eye after the drubbing he took for jumping one spot last year for Trubisky.

I’ll probably be dead-wrong about Sutton (my highest rated WR this year), but I totally expect John Lynch and Kyle Shanahan to invest heavily on the offensive side of the ball this draft.  Jimmy G about to get some new weapons!  Due to the QB-heavy nature of this draft, some teams that are patience and sit tight are going to have studs fall into their laps.  Smith (Georgia) and Vea (Washington) fit that description well.  Inevitably, a couple of these QBs will tumble come draft day; in this mock that is Josh Alllen and Lamar Jackson.  Washington could trade out, or take one of the quarterbacks.  Afterall, everywhere Alex Smith ends up the team immediately drafts his replacement.

Defense dominates the bottom half of this mock.  The smart play at the bottom third of the first round is to grab a QB and lock up that 5th year option.  That’s exactly what I have the Saints and Jags doing by taking Jackson and Rudolph at 27 and 29, respectfully.






Mock Draft 1.0 (Roid Rage)

Here. We. Go!  It’s Mock Draft season!  The first, second and third waves of free agency have come and gone.  We’re down to depth-chart fillers like Matt Cassel and Troy Niklas.  NFL front offices are working OT to finalize their draft boards, find potential trade partners and send out as many false signals as possible.  Let’s dive into the top half of the first round, shall we:

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Sam Darnold (USC) QB
2 New York Giants Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
3 New York Jets Baker Mayfield (Oklahoma) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
5 Denver Broncos Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
6 Indianapolis Colts Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Josh Allen (Wyoming) QB
8 Chicago Bears Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
9 San Francisco 49ers Derwin James (FSU) S
10 Oakland Raiders Maurice Hurst (Michigan) DL
11 Miami Dolphins Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB
12 Buffalo Bills Trumaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
13 Washington Redskins Josh Jackson (Iowa) CB
14 Green Bay Packers Harold Landry (BC) LB
15 Arizona Cardinals Vita Vea (Washington) DT
16 Baltimore Ravens Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB

It’s no secret, this years crop of QB prospects have NFL talent evaluators creaming their pants.  It’s the reason the Cleveland Browns have literally been tanking for the last two years (1-31, hullo!).  It’s the reason they passed on passed on Wentz, Trubisky and Watson. They are taking a QB first overall.  They were ALWAYS going to take a QB first overall.  Darnold has the most upside; time will tell if the weight of Cleveland suck will crush this kids soul or not.

Without mentioning his name, this is the three-year average from the Giants starting QB:

372/596 (62%), 3977 yards, 27 TDs, 14 Ints, 0.333 benchings

Yikes.  If I ever die like that old dude in the DaVinci Code, and I need to pass on the message that my evil killer was in some way mediocre (a word I clearly can’t spell without spell-checker), I’m going to scrawl that stat line on my dying corpse.  I’ll most likely be in a Tebowing pose as well, just putting that out there.

Let’s remember, those state are with throwing to the best WR in football (most of the time).  Eli’s also 37.  It’s time to put him out to pasture and draft the QB of the future.  The G-Men have no intention of picking in the top 5 again any time soon, and somehow I doubt the sales pitch to convince Shurmur to coach the team was: “we’re going to NOT let you pick the QB you want to groom for the future AND trade way the best offensive weapon in the game”.  The Giants will either draft Rosen/Mayfield or trade down.  And they won’t move Beckham.  The trade talk is a weak attempt to try to gain some leverage in negotiations.  Trading Jason Pierre Lobster Claw was more about trading that contract than it was moving that 7-and-a-half fingered freak show.  OBJ ’bout to get paid!


Clearly the Jets have no problem with sloppy seconds (or thirds)!  Some things never change.  It’s not really a stretch to envision the Jets picking the one bust QB from this class, while 4 other guys go on to have HOF careers.  Can’t blame the Jets for trying, they were probably going to fuck up all those second round picks they gave to the Colts anyways.  I love Mayfield the QB prospect, but I’ll flip on that crotch-grabbing asshole as soon as he holds up that green jersey.

So Peter King said a “friend” of John Dorsey’s (Cleveland’s GM) said the Browns won’t trade out of No. 4.  Luckily (for my wife), I wasn’t reading SI during breakfast, because I would have been shooting milk and Cheerios out of my nose from laughing so hard.  Seriously Pete.  You’re citing a “friend”.  Ummm, was this friend named Keter Ping?

I have the Browns taking Chubb at 4 (mostly because I don’t bother with mocking trades).  It’s cool to think about Chubb and Myles Garrett on the same D-line.  Until you realize it’s Cleveland, and neither of those guys can cover Antonio Brown, so they’ll still get creamed by the Steelers.

Denver is the true wildcard.  Correction: John Elways ego is the true wildcard.  Horse-teeth still thinks he has an elite defense and that Case Keenum is good.  John Elway backed QBs fall into two distinct groups: Those named Peyton Manning, and those that suck at playing quarterback (see: Osweiler, Paxton Lynch, Trevor Semen (sic)).  Which category do you think Case Keenum will fall into?!?  I’ve got the Broncos taking the “just one player away from contending” guy in Barkley.  On the other hand,  Elway gets mega stiffys for QB’s over 6′-6″, so can he resists the urge to lasso in Josh Allen?

In five years from now we are going to look back and realize that the Colts were the true laughing-stock of the league, not the Browns.  Since 1998….(don’t grab your calculator, it’s 20 years ago)…the Colts have had EITHER Peyton Manning or Andrew Luck under contract.  They’ve got 1 Superbowl victory to show for it (if I had an editor he’d probably add a note here saying that Superbowl victory was against Rex Freaking Grossman.  Not sayin, just sayin.  Good point fake editor!).  The Colts weren’t able to protect Manning and he literally broke his neck [insert Peyton Manning neck and/or forehead joke here]….and they are trying their damnedest to double down and get Andrew Luck killed on the field of play.  Josh McDaniels got one peek behind the curtain and sabotaged his own career instead of joining this clownshow.  I’ve got the Colts drafting the best guard prospect I’ve ever evaluated…..which means he’ll probably be out of the league in five years.

Please be as good as Wentz.

I don’t think the Bucs take a QB at 7, but it seems like the ideal spot (in this mock) for the Bills, Dolphins or Cardinals to move up and grab Allen (the last “blue chip” QB prospect).

Denzel Ward is my highest rated corner, but whomever lands Jackson and Fitzpatrick won’t be disappointed.

Roquan Smith is my favorite player to watch in this draft.  He’s all over the place.

Stay tuned for picks 17 -32……(but not really, because I’ll probably move on to Mock 2.0 and start all over from the top).





Mock Draft 2.0 (Ginger King)

Alright, alright, alright.  Let’s get right to our Mock 2.0.  Some big changes in store.  We’ve already seen some big trades, as the Jets and the Bills are making some big moves, each in search of a franchise quarterback.  The Jets have assured themselves of one of the Big 3, but Buffalo still has some work to do if it’s gunning for a quarterback.  The Giants at #2 and Cleveland at #4 are great spots…but what will it take to get there (answer: a lot).  Also, they’re going to have some competition.  There are teams lurking outside the Top 10 besides the Bills (Miami, Arizona) looking to make a jump into the Top 5.  This will make for some exciting fireworks come draft night.

For now, let’s focus on the draft order as is (predicting trades is like a mock within a mock…and that’s just ridiculous).  We’ll reveal a little more of the curtain and unveil the top half of Round 1.

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Sam Darnold (USC) QB
2 New York Giants Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
3 New York Jets Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
5 Denver Broncos Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
6 Indianapolis Colts Vita Vea (Washington) DT
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Calvin Ridley (Alabama) WR
8 Chicago Bears Trumaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
9 San Francisco 49ers Derwin James (FSU) S
10 Oakland Raiders Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB
11 Miami Dolphins Josh Allen (Wyoming) QB
12 Buffalo Bills Baker Mayfield (Oklahoma) QB
13 Washington Redskins Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB
14 Green Bay Packers Christian Kirk (Texas A&M) WR
15 Arizona Cardinals Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
16 Baltimore Ravens Mike McGlinchy (Notre Dame) OL

Instant Analysis:  Darnold took some flak for not throwing at the Combine, but silenced all critics by impressing everyone at his pro day.  As if his performance alone wasn’t enough, he threw in the rain, letting everyone know he’s ready for some depressing mid-Western weather.

Like bad weather, Sam? You’re going to love Cleveland.

Things get wonky quick with the Giants at 2.  I think the Giants would love nothing more than to trade down a few spots.  Problem is they don’t want to drop too far.  Ideally, best case scenario is to drop to #5 or #6, get some picks in the process, and still be guaranteed a top player (Barkley, Chubb, Nelson).  However, neither Denver or the Colts are looking to move up (quite the opposite, actually).  For now, they stay put and take Chubb, who makes a ton of sense, especially with JPP and his lobster claw heading to Tampa.

Thanks for the memories!

By trading out of the third pick, the Colts are gambling that Chubb will still be there.  If not, they will try to trade down, as someone like Vita Vea would still be available in the early teens.

Rounding out the top half, the Dolphins are the big winners here…with Josh Allen falling in their lap.  If the Giants don’t draft a quarterback (they may take Allen) then teams will be clamoring to move up to get him.  It’s unthinkable that he could fall that far, but stranger things have happened.  Remember Aaron Rodgers draft day slide?  He fell all the way to 24.  It could happen (but probably not).

Speaking of the Packers, Green Bay fills the void left by Jordy Nelson with Christian Kirk, proving again that free agency shapes the draft.

Carson Wentz 2.0

Mock Draft 1.0 (Ginger King)

Is your bracket busted yet?  A 16 beating a 1?  I thought that would NEVER happen.  Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to focus on what’s really important.  The NFL Draft.  First, let’s start with some fan mail (we get so much, it’s hard to keep up, but don’t worry, we’ll respond to all of you).

[BRSM follower]:  Hey, aren’t you guys a little late to the draft party?  I’ve seen tons of mock drafts already.  How come you guys haven’t put one out yet?  Kiper already has, like, 20 out.  What’s wrong with you guys?

[Response]:  While we appreciate the mock draft enthusiasm, mock drafts before free agency are absolute horseshit.  My kids don’t know their street address but they do know this:  Free agency shapes the draft.  Period.  How many mock drafts did you see with Denver taking a quarterback?  A lot.  You think that’s happening now that they just signed Case Keenum?  The Browns just signed Carlos Hyde and are paying him starting RB money.  You think they’re going to draft Saquon #1 overall?  No, but damn if he slips to #4 they should.

And LOL at that Kiper shit.  Our streak of more first round picks right than Kiper (and McShay) is guaranteed to continue.  Just like a 1 beating a 16…

Anyway, here’s my Top 10…just the tip for now…it costs extra to see my full mock (believe me, my full mock is HUGE.  The best.).  Anyway, enjoy St. Patrick’s Day (amateur hour) and make sure to celebrate it the right way (blind drunk).  As soon as Roid Rage gets out of his Leprechaun costume, he’ll post his Top 10.

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Sam Darnold (USC) QB
2 New York Giants Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
3 New York Jets Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
5 Denver Broncos Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
6 Indianapolis Colts Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Calvin Ridley (Alabama) WR
8 Chicago Bears Trumaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
9 San Francisco 49ers Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB
10 Oakland Raiders Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB

Replace palm trees with vacant, industrial buildings. Welcome to Cleveland, Sam!


Instant Analysis:  Yes, Cleveland needs (another) quarterback.  Since they also have the #4 pick, they could go another direction with their first pick (Saquon Barkley, Bradley Chubb) and then take whichever quarterback is there at 4.  Sounds good in theory.  However, you do not want to leave the quarterback position up to chance, especially not when you have the chance to pick whomever you want without worrying about what others are doing.  As I’m writing this, the Jets just traded up to #3.  That pick is guaranteed to be a quarterback.  No way Cleveland let’s anyone pick a qb before them.  Bet the house this pick is qb.  My money’s on Darnold.  He’s the most polished, pro-ready quarterback.

Also, this Top 10 assumes no trades.  No way that’s going to happen.  There’s an arms race brewing…teams, cough…Buffalo…cough, are trying to position themselves to get one of the Top 3 quarterbacks.  Some other teams are lurking (Miami, Arizona) that may try to make a move.  As many as 4 quarterbacks could go in the first 10 picks (yes, we’ll laugh at whatever sucker trades up for Johnny Football 2.0…I mean, Baker Mayfield).  That’s going to make for some exciting trades come draft night.  But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Best. Combine. Ever.

Rounding out the rest of the Top 10, the Giants stay put and take Saquon Barkley, whom many believe is the best player in the draft.  The Giants are pretty vanilla when it comes to trades, especially in the first round.  I don’t see them moving from 2, unless someone really wows them.  I’m talking multiple first round picks (this year and next year).  I’m looking at you, Buffalo!

Power + speed = Instant star

If the Colts can still land Bradley Chubb at 6 (and collect a bunch of picks from the Jets) that will be a draft day steal.  It’s a pretty big gamble…however offense is going to rule the first few picks in this draft, so it may just pan out.

Tuesday Teabag, November 28, 2017 – New York Giants

A sad day for Big Blue.

We know, we know.  It’s been awhile since we’ve posted.  You could chalk it up to the general football apathy that is barely sweeping the country, or The Machine’s first two picks in our fantasy draft (Odell Beckham and Zeke Elliott) casting a dark cloud over this season (still gonna make the playoffs in that league though, thanks to some savage waiver wire pickups that we arguably should’ve been passing on to you…thanks again, Alvin Kamara).

Whatever the reason, at approximately 3:32 pm today, The Machine got woke, when we saw the following headlines (followed by an onslaught of texts and tears):  New York Giants Bench Eli Manning; Geno Smith to Start on Sunday.  Oh, we’re woke AF now.

Are you fucking kidding me?  Bench Eli?  Make no mistake:  The Giant’s season has been an absolute shit show.  At 2-9, they are going nowhere.  But Eli Manning is the last player on that team to blame.  This is nothing more than a desperate move by a head coach and GM to save their jobs, and improve their chances at a higher draft pick (we’ll get to the draft in a second).  Think about it:  You’re telling me that Geno Smith gives you the best chance to win on Sunday, over Eli Manning, two-time Super Bowl winner and two-time Super Bowl MVP?  Geno Smith, the same guy that got his jaw broken by his own teammate?  And I thought the Bills decision to bench Tyrod was dumb (and it was).  This is far worse, and will go down as one of the worst decisions after made on a football field.

Hey Ben, thanks for taking the heat off me, brah! #billsmafia

Don’t be fooled.  The Giants (and ownership is in on this too) are making Eli the scapegoat.  They’re throwing him under the bus because they know they can.  Because Eli is too humble and good-natured to play dirty and tell them to fuck off.  They want you to believe it’s an aging Eli that caused this season to collapse.  But that’s total bullshit.  The reason this season (and next season) will collapse, and the reason the Giants have missed the playoffs 5 out of the last 6 years, is because of an organizational failure to draft players and build a team.

There’s blood on all your hands.

The Giants have wasted the last 5 years of Eli’s career, while he’s done nothing but go out there every day, without complaint, and do his job.  The Giants should build this team around him.  Literally.  He is, at best, a severely immobile quarterback.  You’d think then, that the smart/right/glaringly fucking obvious thing to do would be to build an offensive line that would protect him.  Give him that pocket, and time, he needs to throw, and be able to run block to keep defenses honest.  You build your team (and offense line) in the draft, and, when done right, it gives your offense the foundation to succeed (see Dallas Cowboys).  And this is where the Giants front office has failed miserably.

The core of any team should be guys in years 4 through 7.  Players that have played through their rookie contract and are rounding into their primes.  That’s how championship teams are built.  Draft first, then supplement as needed through free agency.  Anyway, let’s look and see how the “core” of the Giants are doing.  Between 2010 and 2013, the Giants drafted a total of 29 players.  Care to guess how many of those players are still on the team?  2.  Yes, two, and one of them has a lobster claw for a hand.  Seriously, here they are:

2010 – 1 (JPP)

2011 – 0

2012 – 0

2013 – 1 (Pugh)

That’s it.  What should be the core of this team is non-existent.  Jerry Reese and co. failed time after time.  Several of those players aren’t even in the league anymore.  The only constant during this time, and the prior 210 games, has been Eli Manning.  Dependable, tough, professional.  He gave the Giants constant stability at the most important position.  He has started every single game since his career began in 2004, second only to Brett Farve in most consecutive starts.  And he delivered (twice) on the largest stage, beating the unbeatable Patriots (twice).

How soon we forget.

Many people try to discredit Eli’s contributions to those Super Bowl winning teams, pointing to how great the defenses were, or how “lucky” Eli got.  That’s all revisionist history.  Don’t forget:  the Giants were double digit underdogs in both those Super Bowls.  Their defense was good, but not great, and sorry, luck may get you one Super Bowl, but it ain’t getting you two.  Eli stepped up his game when it mattered most.

Captain Clutch.

Perhaps the best quality about him is his unassuming nature, and unflappable resolve.  Could you imagine if the Giants didn’t make the trade to get Eli in 2004, and instead stayed with Phillip Rivers?  Do you think for a second Rivers would survive in New York?  Under the constant pressure in the biggest market?  Puh-lease.  Rivers barely withstood the “tough” San Diego journalists, while throwing tantrums on the sidelines and shit-talking the other team.  Eli?  Not a chance.  He always rose above the pettiness.  Never got too high when things were good, and never got too low when things were bad.  That’s what you want from your starting quarterback.

Point is: you don’t do this to someone like Eli Manning.  If you’re going to move on from him, you do it with the same dignity and grace that he gave you his entire career.  Wait until the season’s over, and then mutually part ways.  Apparently, McAdoo offered Eli the chance to start, and then get replaced, in order to keep the streak alive.  Manning declined, saying, “My feeling is that if you are going to play the other guys, play them.  Starting just to keep the streak going and knowing you won’t finish the game and have a chance to win it is pointless to me, and it tarnishes the streak.”  Class act.

This is just a complete slap in the face.  Clearly, Geno Smith is not the future of this franchise, so why do this now?  It makes absolutely no sense.  It has completely enraged the fan base.  It has completely enraged former players.  People are calling for McAdoo (and Reese, who honestly should’ve been let go when Tom Coughlin was unceremoniously shown the door) to get fired, but I’m here to tell you that McAdoo won’t get fired.  Reese, on the other hand, should get the boot.  He can no longer live on the fumes of his one good draft (’07).  And drafting Odell Beckham means squat if no one has time to throw him the ball.

This kid’s definitely getting his ass kicked at school tomorrow.  That’s on you too.

So with the entire fanbase up in arms, former players upset, and Mike Francesa definitely pissed, how is it possible that McAdoo stays?  He just benched the greatest New York Giant of all time (not named LT).  Of course he’s going to get fired…unless [affixes tinfoil hat] he did this to save his job.  Here me out.  Obviously, this decision wasn’t made without input from the Mara family.  Parting with Eli was bound to happen, and it was always going to be somewhat messy.  So what if ownership found a way to make this unpopular decision without taking any blame.  What if they told McAdoo that, we’ll keep you around for next year, but you have to take the heat for getting rid of Eli.  That can’t be on us.  The tradeoff is you get to keep your multi-million dollar job, and if you do well next year, the fickle fans will let bygones be bygones.

And let’s be honest, as much as I hate to type it:  Eli’s played his last game for the Giants.  There’s no way to come back from this.  The Giants are now officially in Suck for Sam mode, and whatever qb they select with their (likely) top 3 pick is going to start immediately, or they’ll have some schlep start (ahem, Geno Smith), who will be pulled for the new guy.  Eli should waive his no trade clause and head south to Jacksonville (darkhorse:  Denver) and finish out his career with Tom Coughlin.  Two guys with class, dignity, and two Super Bowl rings.

As for the Giants, they just kicked a Hall of Fame quarterback (don’t even try to debate me on that shit) to the curb.  For Geno Smith.  They get exactly what they deserve.

Enjoy your teabag.

2017 Fantasy Football Rankings – WRs

Composite Rank Player Team RR GK
1 Antonio Brown PIT 2 1
2 Odell Beckham Jr. NYG 1 3
3 Julio Jones ATL 3 2
4 A.J. Green CIN 4 4
5 Jordy Nelson GB 6 5
6 Mike Evans TB 7 6
7 Michael Thomas NO 5 9
8 Brandin Cooks NE 8 7
9 Dez Bryant DAL 9 8
10 DeAndre Hopkins HOU 12 10
11 Amari Cooper OAK 11 11
12 Doug Baldwin SEA 10 13
13 Jarvis Landry MIA 13 12
14 Allen Robinson JAC 15 15
15 Demaryius Thomas DEN 16 16

No QB, No Problem

16 Terrelle Pryor WAS 14 20
17 Julian Edelman NE 18 17
18 T.Y. Hilton IND 23 14
19 Kelvin Benjamin CAR 20 18
20 Davante Adams GB 17 22
21 Tyreek Hill KC 19 21
22 Alshon Jeffery PHI 24 19
23 Keenan Allen LAC 21 23
24 Stefon Diggs MIN 22 24
25 Sammy Watkins LAR 25 26
26 Golden Tate DET 28 25
27 Willie Snead NO 26 32
28 Brandon Marshall NYG 31 27
29 Jamison Crowder WAS 27 33
30 Larry Fitzgerald ARI 29 31
31 Emmanuel Sanders DEN 32 28
32 Michael Crabtree OAK 30 35
33 Donte Moncrief IND 38 30
34 DeSean Jackson TB 35 34
35 Randall Cobb GB 34 36
36 Cameron Meredith CHI 33 38
37 Martavis Bryant PIT 42 29

One of the most polarizing WRs to rank. Talented playmaker with low usage.

38 Devante Parker MIA 36 37
39 Jeremy Maclin BAL 40 39
40 Tyrell Williams LAC 37 43
41 Pierre Garcon SF 39 42
42 John Brown ARI 41 44
43 Eric Decker TEN 47 40
44 Jordan Matthews BUF 43 47
45 Corey Coleman CLE 45 46
46 Sterling Shepard NYG 50 41
47 Adam Thielen MIN 44 49
48 Kenny Britt CLE 46 48
49 Allen Hurns JAC 52 45
50 Mike Wallace BAL 48 50
51 Rishard Matthews TEN 49 52
52 Marvin Jones DET 55 53
53 Nelson Agholor PHI 53 56
54 Zay Jones BUF 51 60
55 Cole Beasley DAL 56 55
56 Corey Davis TEN 54 61
57 Ted Ginn NO 58 58
58 Tyler Lockett SEA 60 57
59 Taylor Gabriel ATL x 51
60 Breshad Perriman BAL x 54
61 Robert Woods LAR 57 x
62 Josh Doctson WAS 59 x
63 Tavon Austin LAR x 59
64 Kenny Stills MIA 61 x
65 Kevin White CHI x 62
66 Tyler Boyd CIN 62 x

He’ll clearly finish above WR54 with all of the targets he’ll see.

2017 Fantasy Football Rankings – TEs

Gronk’s World!

Composite Rank Player Team ROID RAGE GINGER KING
1 Rob Gronkowski NE 1 1
2 Travis Kelce KC 2 2
3 Greg Olsen CAR 4 3
4 Jordan Reed WAS 3 4
5 Tyler Eifert CIN 5 5
6 Jimmy Graham SEA 6 7
7 Martellus Bennett GB 8 6
8 Delanie Walker TEN 7 9
9 Kyle Rudolph MIN 9 8
10 Zach Ertz PHI 10 10
11 Hunter Henry LAC 13 11
12 Jason Witten DAL 11 14
13 Jack Doyle IND 15 12
14 Eric Ebron DET 12 16
15 Evan Engram NYG 17 15
16 Antonio Gates LAC 16 17
17 O.J. Howard TB 21 13
18 Charles Clay BUF 18 18
19 Austin Hooper ATL 14 23
20 C.J. Fiedorowicz HOU 19 20
21 Coby Fleener NO 20 21
22 Cameron Brate TB 23 19
23 Julius Thomas MIA 24 22
24 David Njoku CLE 25 25
25 Zach Miller CHI 22 28
26 Jared Cook OAK 26 24
27 Jesse James PIT 29 27
28 Dwayne Allen NE 28 30
29 Jake Butt DEN x 26
30 Austin Seferian-Jenkins NYJ 27 x
31 Jermaine Gresham ARI x 29
32 Benjamin Watson BAL 30 x

2017 Fantasy Football Rankings – Kickers & DEF


….and with the final pick in your fantasy football draft……

Composite Rank Player Team ROID RAGE GINGER KING
1 Justin Tucker BAL 1 1
2 Stephen Gostkowski NE 2 2
3 Dan Bailey DAL 4 5
4 Matt Bryant ATL 6 3
5 Mason Crosby GB 5 4
6 Cairo Santos KC 3 10
7 Matt Prater DET 9 6
8 Steven Hauschka BUF 7 8
9 Will Lutz NO 8 11
10 Adam Vinatieri IND 13 9
11 Sebastian Janikowski OAK 15 7
12 Brandon McManus DEN 10 12
13 Graham Gano CAR 11 13
14 Chris Boswell PIT 12 14
15 Dustin Hopkins WAS 14 15
16 Caleb Sturgis PHI 16 17
17 Nick Novak HOU 18 18
18 Phil Dawson ARI 20 16
19 Josh Lambo LAC 19 19
20 Blair Walsh SEA 17 x
21 Chandler Catanzaro NYJ x 20

Hopefully this moves the needle a little more for ya……

1 Houston Texans 1 1
2 New York Giants 2 3
3 Denver Broncos 4 2
4 Seattle Seahawks 3 6
5 Kansas City Chiefs 6 5
6 New England Patriots 7 4
7 Arizona Cardinals 5 7
8 Minnesota Vikings 9 8
9 Philadelphia Eagles 8 10
10 Carolina Panthers 12 9
11 Los Angeles Rams 10 11
12 Baltimore Ravens 11 12
13 Green Bay Packers 14 15
14 Buffalo Bills 15 14
15 Pittsburgh Steelers 18 13
16 Oakland Raiders 13 18
17 Cincinnati Bengals 17 16
18 Jacksonville Jaguars 19 17
19 Miami Dolphins 16 21
20 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 21 20
21 Atlanta Falcons 20 22
22 Tennessee Titans 23 19
23 Los Angeles Chargers 22 x
24 Dallas Cowboys x 23

The Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game (2017 ed.)

Cheers!Can’t make it to The Machine’s Draft Day Party?  Well, that sucks for you.  But have no fear…we got your back.  “How can I make the Draft better?”, you ask yourself in amazement.  By playing The Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game.  It’s fun, it’s easy, guaranteed to impress the ladies, and you can play at home or at your favorite watering hole.  Here are the rules:

1.  Draft catchphrases.  There are certain phrases you only hear during the Draft.  Why?  We don’t know, but we love them.  For this reason alone, we give ESPN the slight lean over the NFL Network for your draft day coverage.  That, and, Kiper.  Duh, winning!

The following phrases are worth a shot of beer:

  • Raw talent
  • Off-the-field or character issues
  • Live arm
  • High motor
  • Straight line speed
  • Great Value
  • Upside
  • Best player available
  • Intangibles or Measurables
  • Trade Down
  • War Room
  • New Regime
  • Read-Option
  • Edge Rusher
  • Gets to the Second Level
  • Quick feet
  • Plays in Space
  • Advanced Stats

New for 2017:

  • Dual threat
  • System quarterback
  • Pocket presence
  • Plays in the box (hey oh!)

2.  Videos/references.  Each of these are beer-finishing worthy:

  • Reference to Mel’s hair
  • Player on-stage photo-op with family/entourage of 15+
  • Reference to Cleveland Browns front office ineptitude
  • First shot of Drew Rosenhaus in his newest client’s living room
  • First player to cry when their name is called
  • Reference to when Tom Brady was drafted (we’ll also accept Brady’s Combine picture)
  • Reference to Aaron Rodgers draft day slide
  • Video of Brady Quinn in the green room
  • Video of Bill Tobin’s infamous “who the hell is Mel Kiper?” interview during the ’94 Draft
  • And this:

3.  On the Clock Chug.  When your team is on the clock, you have to finish a full beer before the pick is called.  Note:  if your team trades down, they’re on the clock twice, meaning that’s two full beers.  Cowboy up, it’s the Draft!

Basically, if it doesn’t look like this than you’re probably doing it wrong…..

Beer Chug

Or this:

Beer Chug 2



Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Myles Garrett (Texas A&M) DE
2 San Francisco Jamal Adams (LSU) S
3 Chicago Bears Solomon Thomas (Stanford) DE
4 Jacksonville Jaguars Leonard Fournette (LSU) RB
5 Tennessee Titans Mitchell Trubisky (UNC) QB
6 NY Jets Marshon Lattimore (OSU) CB
7 Los Angeles Chargers O.J. Howard (Alabama) TE
8 Carolina Panthers Christian McCaffrey (Stanford) RB
9 Cincinnati Bengals Jonathon Allen (Alabama) DE
10 Buffalo Bills Haason Reddick (Temple) LB
11 New Orleans Saints Reuben Foster (Alabama) LB
12 Cleveland Browns Derek Barnett (Tennessee) DE
13 Arizona Cardinals Mike Williams (Clemson) WR
14 Philadelphia Eagles Marlon Humphrey (Alabama) CB
15 Indianapolis Colts Charles Harris (Missouri) DE
16 Baltimore Ravens Corey Davis (Western Michigan) WR
17 Washington Redskins John Ross (Washington) WR
18 Tennessee Titans Malik Hooker (OSU) S
19 Tampa Bay Bucs Dalvin Cook (FSU) RB
20 Denver Broncos Garett Bolles (Utah) OL
21 Detroit Lions Tre’Davious White (LSU) CB
22 Miami Dolphins Jarad Davis (Florida) LB
23 New York Giants Cam Robinson (Alabama) OL
24 Oakland Raiders Kevin King (Washington) CB
25 Houston Texans Deshaun Watson (Clemson) QB
26 Seattle Seahawks Ryan Ramcyk (Wisconsin) OL
27 Kansas City Chiefs Forrest Lamp (W. Kentucky) OL
28 Dallas Cowboys Takkarist McKinley (UCLA) DE
29 Green Bay Packers Joe Mixon (Oklahoma) RB
30 Pittsburgh Steelers TJ Watt (Wisconsin) LB
31 Atlanta Falcons Taco Charlton (Michigan) DE
32 New Orleans Saints Malik McDowell (Mich St.) DT

*As of 5 PM reports have it that the Browns will select Myles Garrett No. 1 overall. While I don’t think the Titans will select Trubisky, it is the ideal spot for a team that wants to trade up for him (I don’t think that team will be the Browns).

Instant Analysis:  The hardest thing in sports isn’t hitting a fastball, it’s predicting the NFL Draft!  See that, it’s April and I’m already slipping in the baseball references…..Speaking of baseball, let’s not forget, the guys calling the shots for the Browns are moneyball guys, whom report to a truck-stop guy that specializes in corruption, fraud, any bribery.   So, do I have faith they will get this pick/draft right?!

Okay, so the baseball equivalent of a quarterback is like your entire pitching rotation…and maybe even your closer and No. 3 and 4 hitters!  You have to have one to win….you have to have one to even compete.  The better your quarterback, the better your chance of winning.  Now, we don’t know how Mitch Trubisky’s game will translate to the NFL…nobody does… but the Browns don’t need him to be an All-Pro to justify this pick.  If he can be a top-15 quarterback, that’s a HELL of a lot better than anything on their current roster (a statement that has been true for the last 15 years or so).  If you can get “Alex Smith type” production from him, with upside for more, than you have to take him first overall.  At that level, his WAR will be significantly higher than anything Myles Garett can provide you.

I also don’t think they want to use all the ammo they’ve painstakingly collected, just to blow it by trading back up into the Top 5.  They can still land an impactful type player at No. 12 and build their roster through the rest of the draft.

I think San Francisco goes one of three ways….(note: don’t google “San Francisco three-way”)…Trubisky, Thomas or Adams.  And I’m not buying into the “John Lynch was a safety” narrative; but I believe Adams has the goods on and off the field.  He is a dynamic safety and has team-captain written all over him.

The Bears would love to add to their secondary, but Garrett falls into their lap in this scenario.  This draft is LOADED with Corners and Safety’s, so they can snag one in Round 2.

The Bills would be thrilled to add a versatile linebacker to lead Sean McDermott’s defense, they’ve got their pick between Reddick and Foster.  A corner is in play, but similar to the Bears, they can land one later in the draft.

Marlon Humphrey hasn’t been talked about much in the Mock Draft community.  He is a very good all around corner that will go higher than most people are expecting.

It’ll be fun to see how disastrous the Redskins draft is.  Without a GM, who is calling the shots?  Bruce Allen? Dan Synder?  Goooooood luck with that.

Similar to Ginger King, I’ve given Big Blue an offensive linemen.  In this case, they land the best mauler in the draft.

DeShaun Watson could go second overall or slip to the second round.  I don’t love his game, but I’ve mocked him to Houston, who like Cleveland, is desperate for a QB.

In the bizarre world that we live in, Joe Mixon, who knocked some girls lights out, gets drafted in the first round, while Gareon Conley, who faces borderline ludicrous allegations (multiple witnesses corroborate his side of the story) slips out of the first.  He could land in the bottom of Round 2 or even Round 3.  It’ll probably cost him $5+ million.  I mean, if he’s guilty forget everything I just said and lock him up (right next to Hillary)!

Check back in for the Annual Big Red Sports Machine NFL Draft Drinking Game and post-draft analysis!

Kevin Costner, you’re on the clock!