Can’t make it to The Machine’s Draft Day Party? Well, that sucks for you. But have no fear: we got your back. “How can I make the Draft better?”, you ask yourself in amazement. By playing The Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game. It’s fun, it’s easy, guaranteed to impress the ladies, and you can play at home or at your favorite watering hole. Here are the rules:
1. Draft catchphrases. There are certain phrases you only hear during the Draft. Why? We don’t know, but we love them. For this reason alone, we give ESPN the slight lean over the NFL Network for your Draft Day coverage. That, and, Kiper. Duh, winning!
The following phrases are worth a shot of beer:
- S2 Cognition Test (*new for 2023)
- Arm talent
- Off-the-field/Character issues
- Live arm
- High motor
- Straight line speed
- Great Value/Upside
- Dual threat
- System quarterback
- Pocket presence
- Best player available
- Intangibles or Measurables
- War Room
- New Regime
- Edge Rusher
- Gets to the Second Level
- Quick feet
- Plays in Space
- Silky hips
- Thick frame
- Plays in the box (hey oh!)
- Backside protector (hey oh!)
- Generational talent
2. Videos/references. Each of these are beer-finishing worthy:
- Reference to Mel’s hair
- Any player to lift Goodell off the ground in their onstage Draft embrace
- First shot of Drew Rosenhaus in his newest client’s living room
- First player to cry when their name is called
- Reference to Aaron Rodgers draft day slide
- Video of Bill Tobin’s infamous “who the hell is Mel Kiper?” interview during the ’94 Draft
- And this:
3. On the Clock Chug. When your team is on the clock, you have to finish a full beer before the pick is called (shot of Jim Beam also acceptable). Note: if your team trades down, they’re on the clock twice, meaning two full beers/beamers. Cowboy up, it’s the Draft!
Basically, if it doesn’t look like this, you’re doing it wrong.
Happy Draft Eve! Our penultimate mock. Check back tomorrow for our final mock and our Draft Day Drinking Game, the perfect complement to your Draft night experience. Anyway, there are have been some big moves on the draft board, and big trades (welcome Mr. Rodgers to the Jets). Aaron, straight out of his darkness chamber, should have no problem relating to the average Jets fan (an overweight, beer-soaked guy from Long Island who’s perpetually pissed off). Good luck!
And the QB slide begins. There’s always misdirection and smokescreens with the Draft and player analysis. I think some of the time people are tired of writing the same thing, and are looking for ways to spice things up. Or teams will put out information hoping that it will cause a player to fall to them. That could be the case with C.J. Stroud, or people are staring to realize he played quarterback for Ohio St. Quick: name me a successful QB in the NFL from Ohio St. Ever. Terrelle Pryor? Troy Smith? Dwayne Haskins (RIP)? Bobby Hoying? Justin Fields may be the best, and the jury is still very much out on him. Truth is: Ohio St. sucks at producing quarterbacks that can play in the NFL. Perhaps more damning is the release of his S2 Cognition Test score, which was, putting it mildly, underwhelming. That could have teams nervous to invest a high pick. If Indy doesn’t take him at 4, I think he could fall out of the Top 10. Stay tuned.
Some noteworthy changes here. I’m hearing that New England is the floor for Bijan Robinson, especially if JSN is off the board. Also, I think the floor for Anthony Richardson is Seattle. That would be quite the first round for Seattle: restarting the Legion of Boom with Devon Weatherspoon, and drafting the quarterback who I think has the most upside in the Draft.
Welcome Hendon Hooker to the Show! While some qbs are sliding, Hendon is soaring. If Hooker didn’t tear his ACL last year, he would be in the conversation for first overall. We think he’s the most NFL ready quarterback in the Draft. Given the 5th year team option for first round picks, someone should take him at the end of the first round. It makes sense if that someone is Minnesota. He could sit for a year, which would allow him to fully heal from his injury, and allow Kirk Cousins to collapse in the post-season again. Elsewhere, if the Bills don’t pull off a trade for Hopkins, look for them to draft Zay Flowers, a speedy, slot receiver that will
finally shut up free up space for Stefon Diggs.
Get some sleep. Big day tomorrow, kids.
We’re inside one week. Time to get serious. We’ve
drank a lot of beer and scrolled Twitter done a lot of research over the past few weeks getting ready for the big show. We’ll be posting updated mocks daily (fingers crossed) so check back to see the latest action.
The Panthers are dialed in on Bryce Young, who has seemed to distanced himself as the number one quarterback in the Draft, despite no games having been played. I think this just comes down to who’s the most NFL ready. I’ll take the guy who plays in the most NFL-style offense. #RollTide. In other news, Houston is screwed. They have to take a quarterback at 2. They cannot wait until 12 and hope one of the top 4 will fall.
Biggest mover is Bijan Robinson. He is soaring up Draft boards. I’m told he will be drafted in the top half of the first round.
Unless they decide to trade up, Tennessee will be biting their fingernails hoping a qb will fall to them at 11. I think the Jets will go back to the OL well. It won’t matter who plays quarterback if there’s no pocket to throw in. I’ve heard a lot of chatter that Detroit is in love with Calijah Kancey. I think the Lions will use both of their picks on defense. Prepare for a lot of kneecaps to be bitten.
Folks are starting to shade the receiving class…I still think 4 will go in the first round. And when you pair that with Michael Mayer and Dalton Kincaid (two pass-catching tight ends) the receiving class is not as bad as people make it out to be. If the Giants miss out on a receiver, their consolation prize should be Emmanuel Forbes, an absolute ball hawk who has speed (4.35/40) and size (6’1″), both of which are lacking in the Giants secondary. If rumors out of Buffalo are true (no, not the baby mama rumors) Buffalo will be set at receiver. I think they will go back to practical football 101, and look to improve the line. Here, it’s the defensive line with Bryan Bresee out of Clemson.