Tuesday Teabag, February 25, 2014 – Jim Boeheim

Here comes the crazy!

Here comes the crazy!

A clear cut winner this week, as Syracuse Orange Coach Jim Boeheim takes top honors for his antics in coaching with passion costing his team the game Saturday night against Duke.  To set the scene:  Cuse with the ball, down 2, 15 seconds left, looking to go 2-0 against Duke on the year and seeking to avenge their first (and embarrassing) loss at home to Boston College.  Then see what happens:


Now, was this a bad call?  Of course.  It should have been a block.  Basket should have counted and CJ should have gone to the line to give Cuse the lead.  Instead, Boeheim gets a double T, gets ejected, Duke shoots 4 free throws, and they win by 6. 

Make no mistake about it:  Jim Boeheim cost them the game.  Blame the refs all you want (SU fans), but the real fault lies with the Coach.  It was idiotic for many reasons, but worst of all:  Syracuse still had a chance to win the game.  Even with the bad call, Cuse was still only down 2 with 10.4 seconds left.  If you’ve watched any SU basketball at all this year, you know they have a knack of pulling out close games (those Cardiac Cuse t-shirts are selling like hotcakes at Wegmans).  Also, Duke was shaky from the line.  They missed 10 free throws, so it’s no gimme that they would make both free throws if they got the ball back…that’s assuming SU doesn’t force a turnover.  Point is:  with 10.4 seconds to go, the game was far from over.

Who's bad???

Who’s bad???

But Boeheim didn’t give his team a chance.  He gave up on them, and in so doing, showed his true character, which, if you haven’t figured it out by now, is a ornery, volatile, take my ball and go home old man.  On the plus side, it gave those creative internet photoshop kids a field day.

Surprisingly though, many Cuse fans The Machine spoke with gave Boeheim a pass.  “He showed his players he’s got their back.” they said. “He’s a passionate coach who wears his heart on his sleeve.” they said.  “He wouldn’t do that if it was an elimination game.”  Well, The Machine’s here to call you out for your blatant homerism.

Why should Boeheim get a pass???  If CJ Fair blew up and got ejected, do you think people would be running to his defense, saying he plays with passion?  No, he would’ve been vilified for acting like a selfish, me-first athlete who can’t control his emotions.  Why should we treat Boeheim any different?  If anything, it’s more excusable for a college player—you know, the teenager/early 20 something year old “student”—to flip out after a call like that.  But not the seasoned, championship-winning coach.  The coach is supposed to have perspective, to understand the bigger picture.  To rally his team when faced with adversity.  Well, Boeheim did the exact opposite:  he gave up, and giving him a pass because he’s the coach is—as he repeatedly reminded the ref at midcourt—bullshit.

Also, his antics overshadowed what is quickly becoming the next great college basketball rivalry.  This was Syracuse’s first trip to Cameron Indoor Stadium.  With Syracuse in the ACC, these two teams will play each other twice a year (and likely three times if you include their inevitable matchup in the ACC Championship Game [sidebar:  yes, it will be weird to see SU play in a conference tournament that’s not at MSG, but we digress].

Anyway, when SU and Duke played in Syracuse three weeks ago, it was an epic matchup.  A record-setting crowd in the Dome, 35,000+ screaming fans, and the game did not disappoint.  Rasheed Sulaimon for Duke hit a game-tying three at the buzzer, but Syracuse was able to hold on and pull out a two point victory in overtime.  Now, that game also had a late game controversial call.  With Duke down 1, 12 seconds left in regulation, Rodney Hood went up for a dunk and Rakeem Christmas fouled blocked the shot.  Many people thought a foul should’ve been called.  We’re guessing Coach K thought a foul should’ve been called.  But there’s the difference between Coach K and Coach Boeheim:  Coach K controlled his emotions, and gave his team a chance to win. 

For that reason alone, Coach K will always get the nod as the better coach…not to mention the more wins and national championships. 

But wait, says the passionate, blindly loyal SU fan, Coach Boeheim was bringing his team together, taking the pressure off them, and getting them ready for the NCAA tourney.  First, how metta of you.  Second, really?  How did SU perform in its next game against Maryland on Monday night?  SU barely won against a Maryland team with 13 losses that they should have easily beat.  Not really the rallying cry now, is it?  More telling, let’s here from CJ Fair, SU’s star player on his thoughts on his Coach: 

Leave it to your players to understand the big picture.

Leave it to your players to understand the big picture.

Exactly, give your team the chance to win.  Instead, Coach Boeheim proved to the world he’s nothing more than a poor man’s Bobby Knight.  At least learn how to take your jacket off or throw something.

Enjoy your teabag.

Tuesday Teabag, February 18, 2014 – The Sochi Olympics

Sochi Olympic RingsWe’re midway through the Sochi Olympics, and boy, are there a lot of teabags to dole out.  As many as are being delivered in the Olympic Village?  Probably not, but there’s enough…from the shoddy accommodations to the creepy mascot, to spring-like conditions.  Here are some other teabagable moments from the Games.

Ice Dancing

The Foxtrot is still lame, even on ice.

The Foxtrot is still lame, even on ice.

Seriously, what the fuck is this?  The Machine can get down with some pairs figure skating, and the individual programs, but ice dancing?  Why is this an Olympic sport?  Is it really necessary?  Side note:  it’s been an Olympic sport since 1976.  Really?  Why?  To help answer this, The Machine was able to get ahold of the transcript from the recent IOC Meeting discussing its inclusion in the Sochi Games.

[IOC Chair]:  Ok, gang listen up.  We got a serious problem.  It’s with the figure skating competition.  It’s too manly.  We need to gay it up.  Suggestions?

[IOC Member, likely from France]:  How about Ice Dancing?  Let’s really focus on that this year.

[Russian Delegate]:  Does it involve the gays?

[Everyone]:  (Snicker, snicker, cough, cough) No (wink).

[IOC Chair]:  Sounds promising, but is it gay enough?  Tell me more.

[French Delegate]:  There are no jumps, just artistic skating.

[IOC Chair]:  Yes…

[British Delegate]:  To show tunes.

[IOC Chair]:  Go on…

[Canadian Delegate]:  And instead of spins, we call them twizzles.

[IOC Chair]:  Perfect!

[USA Delegate]:  And we’ll have Johnny Weir anchor the NBC coverage.

Seriously, wtf is that?

Did Johnny Weir rob my Grandmother’s closet?

[IOC Chair]:  Fierce!

Unless you’re hoping for a nip slip, there’s no reason to watch Ice Dancing.  If they replaced the show tunes with some power ballads…maybe.  At least it’d be a step in the right direction. 

Who farted on Bob's pillow?

Who farted on Bob’s pillow?

Bob Costas

Bob’s no stranger to a teabag.  We hit him up in 2012 when he used halftime of the Sunday Night Game to pontificate about gun control.  Well, he’s back at it again.

Bob, commenting on the newest sport, Snowboarding Slopestyle, to hit the Olympic Games, had this to say:  “I think the president of the IOC should be Johnny Knoxville.  Basically this stuff is just Jackass stuff they invented and called Olympic sports.”

Dude...the Olympics are like, so dope!  Team USA!!!

Dude…the Olympics are like, so dope! Team USA!!!

Really, Bob?  Thanks for the “get your ball off my lawn” moment.  Why has Bob Costas changed from a lovable short guy to an ornery, pretentious, liberal prick?  So you don’t like the Nu Skool sports like snowboarding…they’re not traditional enough to be worthy of Olympic competition?  FYI, snowboarding’s been around since the 1960’s, and it’s been an Olympic sport since the 90’s.  Suck it.

You get the sense that Bobbo’s problem isn’t with snowboarding…but with snowboarders.  They don’t embody the [old white man’s] vision of an Olympic athlete.  Sure, they wear baggy pants, have dreads, listen to Sk8r rock, and probably smoke tons of weed, but you try and rock a Frontside Double McTwist 1260.  Then, try doing that high off your gourd…

If anything, it’s events like Slopestyle and the Halfpipe that are a breath of fresh air for the games.  They are fast and action-packed, unlike some of the other snoozefest events…how captivating can you make cross country skiing, or curling (unless, it’s done by these ladies).

Now this is how you legitimize your Olympic sport.

Love the technique here.

Now this is how you legitimize an Olympic sport.

Hey Bob, explain to us how snowboarding is less of a sport than Ice Dancing.  You can’t, but we’re willing to bet that you’re cool with Ice Dancing, because they “look like” Olympic athletes. 

How fitting was it that the United State’s first gold of the Games was in Slopestyle, and Bob was there to announce it and forced to recognize it. 

Jesus Christ man, give it up!

Jesus Christ man, give it up!

And thank you, NBC, for yanking Bob off the air with his horrible pink eye.  I get that announcing the Olympics is the height of your popularity, but come on man, that shit’s nasty.  To our delight, it set Twitter afire.  Here’s hoping that, in true Jackass style, some snowboarder farted in your pillow. 

Enjoy your teabag.

Super Bowl 48 Picks!

Holy Grail
Date & Time Favorite Spread Underdog
2/2 6:30 ET Denver -2.0 Seattle
  Roid Rage     Ginger King     Dr. Mike     Vegas Vinny  
  W L T     W L T     W L T     W L T  
  4 3 3     4 3 3     5 2 3     4 3 3  
  SEA     DEN      DEN      DEN  

Super Bowl 48 Podcast!

The boys at the Big Red Sports Machine breakdown the big game, give their picks and rant about media day.  Richard Sherman gives it a 9 out of 10, what do you think?……

SB48 Podcast

Holy Grail