Mock Draft 2.0 (Roid Rage)

Round 1 Team Pick
1 Arizona Cardinals Kyler Murray (Oklahoma) QB
2 San Francisco 49ers Nick Bosa (OSU) EDGE
3 New York Jets Quinnen Williams
(Alabama)
DL
4 Oakland Raiders Josh Allen (Kentucky) EDGE
5 Tampa Bay Bucs Ed Oliver (Houston) DL
6 New York Giants Dwayne Haskins (Ohio St.) QB
7 Jacksonville Jaguars Jawaan Taylor (Florida) OL
8 Detroit Lions TJ Hockenson (Iowa) TE
9 Buffalo Bills Jonah Williams (Alabama) OL
10 Denver Broncos Devin White (LSU) LB
11 Cincinnati Bengals Devin Bush (Michigan) LB
12 Green Bay Packers Andre Dillard (Wash St.) OL
13 Miami Dolphins Christian Wilkins
(Clemson)
DL
14 Atlanta Falcons Montez Sweat (Miss St.) EDGE
15 Washington Redskins D.K. Metcalf (Ole Miss) WR
16 Carolina Panthers Byron Murphy
(Washington)
CB
17 New York Giants Rashan Gary (Michigan) EDGE
18 Minnesota Vikings Cody Ford (Oklahoma) OL
19 Tennessee Titans Brian Burns (FSU) EDGE
20 Pittsburgh Steelers Clelin Ferrell (Clemson) EDGE
21 Seattle Seahawks Garrett Bradbury (NC State)
OL
22 Baltimore Ravens Marquise Brown (Oklahoma) WR
23 Houston Texans Noah Fant (Iowa) TE
24 Oakland Raiders Josh Jacobs (Alabama) RB
25 Philadelphia Eagles Greedy Williams (LSU) CB
26 Indianapolis Colts Jerry Tillery (Notre Dame) DL
27 Oakland Raiders Drew Lock (Missouri) QB
28 L.A. Chargers N’Keal Harry (ASU) WR
29 Kansas City Chiefs Dalton Risner (Kansas State) OL
30 Green Bay Packers Chauncey Gardner-Johnson (Florida) S
31 L.A. Rams Dexter Lawrence
(Clemson)
DL
32 New England
Patriots
Chase Winovich (Michigan) EDGE

Mock Draft 3.0 (Ginger King)

We’re inside 3 weeks!  Time to get excited.  Also, it’s time to fully open the kimono.  Here’s our complete Round 1.    

Round 1 Team Pick
1 Arizona Cardinals Kyler Murray (Oklahoma) QB
2 San Francisco 49ers Nick Bosa (OSU) DE
3 New York Jets Quinnen Williams
(Alabama)
DL
4 Oakland Raiders Josh Allen (Kentucky) EDGE
5 Tampa Bay Bucs Devin White (LSU) LB
6 New York Giants Rashaan Gary (Michigan) DE
7 Jacksonville Jaguars Jawaan Taylor (Florida) OL
8 Detroit Lions Montez Sweat (Miss St.) EDGE
9 Buffalo Bills Andre Dillard (Wash St.) OL
10 Denver Broncos Drew Lock (Missouri) DL
11 Cincinnati Bengals Dwayne Haskins (Ohio St.) QB
12 Green Bay Packers Ed Oliver (Houston) DL
13 Miami Dolphins Clelin Ferrell (Clemson) DL
14 Atlanta Falcons Christian Wilkins
(Clemson)
DL
15 Washington Redskins Greedy Williams (LSU) CB
16 Carolina Panthers Jonah Williams (Alabama) OL
17 New York Giants Daniel Jones (Duke) QB
18 Minnesota Vikings Cody Ford (Oklahoma) OL
19 Tennessee Titans TJ Hockenson (Iowa) TE
20 Pittsburgh Steelers D.K. Metcalf (Ole Miss) WR
21 Seattle Seahawks Byron Murphy
(Washington)
CB
22 Baltimore Ravens Devin Bush (Michigan) LB
23 Houston Texans Chris Lindstrom
(Boston College)
OL
24 Oakland Raiders Dexter Lawrence
(Clemson)
DL
25 Philadelphia Eagles Josh Jacobs (Alabama) RB
26 Indianapolis Colts Brian Burns (FSU) EDGE
27 Oakland Raiders Deandre Baker (Georgia) CB
28 L.A. Chargers Rock Ya-Sin (Temple) CB
29 Kansas City Chiefs Parrish Campbell (Ohio St.) WR
30 Green Bay Packers AJ Brown (Ole Miss) WR
31 L.A. Rams Jeffrey Simmons (Miss St.) DL
32 New England
Patriots
Noah Fant (Iowa) TE
You work out, bro?

Instant Analysis:  One of the hardest people to place in the draft is DK Metcalf.  DK absolutely owned the Combine (4.3 40!, 27 reps at 225!) and he also owns a lot of muscles (see above).  But does any fan base want him?  Despite the monstrous Combine, the tape is inconsistent.  Doesn’t create much separation, more straight line speed than football speed.  Also, his 1.6% body fat, while impressive, seems too low, and could make him too prone to injury.  Remember David Boston?  Notwithstanding, someone’s taking him in the first round, and he could go as high as 9 to the Bills, or 22 to the Ravens.  He makes a lot of sense to the Steelers at 19, who need to reload after losing their entire offense Antonio Brown and Le’Veon Bell.

Elsewhere, Oakland has 3 first round picks, and they use all three to re-tool their defense.  If they end up with Josh Allen, Dexter Lawrence and Deandre Baker, they’ll get three instant starters, and with the signing of Antonio Brown, trading Khalil Mack and Amari Cooper doesn’t look so crazy.  It’s like Chucky has a plan.

And New England gets a happy ending at the end of the first with Noah Fant, who will try to fill the Gronk void…until Gronk comes back mid-season. 

Mock Draft 1.0 (Roid Rage)

Mock Draft Szn! In less than 3 weeks this mock (and all of the others) will look sillier than Greg Schiano’s latest coaching stint with the Pats. Onto the (projected) madness…..

Round 1 TeamPlayer
1Arizona CardinalsKyler Murray (Oklahoma)QB
2San Francisco 49ersNick Bosa (OSU)DE
3New York Jets Josh Allen (Kentucky)
Edge
4Oakland RaidersQuinnen Williams (Alabama)DL
5Tamp Bay BucsDevin White (LSU)LB
6New York GiantsJawaan Taylor (Florida) OL
7Jacksonville JaguarsT.J. Hockenson (Iowa)TE
8Detroit LionsEd Oliver (Houston)DL
9Buffalo BillsMontez Sweat (Miss St)Edge
10Denver BroncosDwayne Haskins (OSU)QB
11Cincinnati BengalsRashan Gary (Michigan)Edge
12Green Bay PackersJohan Willliams (Alabama)OL
13Miami DolphinsDrew Lock (Missouri)QB
14Atlanta FalconsByron Murphy (Washington)CB
15Washington RedskinsGreedy Williams (LSU)CB
16Carolina PanthersD.K. Metcalf (Ole Miss)WR
17New York GiantsBrian Burns (FSU)Edge

Wait, so Kliff Kingsbury is calling the shots in Arizona now? The same Kliff Kingsbury that was fired by Texas Tech in November? The same Kliff Kingsbury whom was unable to turn college Patrick Mahomes into a household name?! You’re letting this douchebag call the shots? Good luck with that Arizona; we’ll be mocking you in the Top 5 for years to come.

Round 1 TeamPlayer
18Minnesota VikingsAndre Dillard (Wash St)OL
19Tennessee TitansChristian Wilkins (Clemson)DL
20
Pittsburgh SteelersDevin Bush (Michigan)
LB
21Seattle Seahawks
Noah Fant (Iowa)TE
22Baltimore RavensHakeem Butler (Iowa St)WR
23Houston TexansDalton Risner (Kansas St) OL
24Oakland RaidersClelin Ferrell (Clemson)Edge
25Philadelphia Eagles
Joshua Jacobs (Alabama)RB
26Indianapolis ColtsGarrett Bradbury (NC St)OL
27
Oakland RaidersAmani Oruwariye (Penn St)CB
28LA ChargersA.J. Brown (Ole Miss)WR
29Kansas City ChiefsCody Ford (Oklahoma)OL
30Green Bay PackersK’Neal Harry (Arizona St)WR
31LA RamsJeffrey Simmons (Miss St)DL
32New England Patriots
Chase Winovich (Michigan)Edge
Round 2
33Arizona Cardinals
Chris Lindstrom (BC)OL

Then again…

Good eye for talent.

Mock Draft 2.0 (Ginger King)

One week closer, time to update the Mock Draft.  Some new faces (and quarterbacks) in the Top 10.  Here’s the Top half of Round 1.

Round 1 TeamPlayer
1Arizona CardinalsKyler Murray (Oklahoma)QB
2San Francisco 49ersNick Bosa (OSU)DE
3New York JetsQuinnen Williams (Alabama)DL
4Oakland RaidersJosh Allen (Kentucky)Edge
5Tamp Bay BucsDevin White (LSU)LB
6New York GiantsRashaan Gary (Michigan)DE
7Jacksonville JaguarsJawaan Taylor (Florida)OL
8Detroit LionsChristian Wilkins (Clemson)DL
9Buffalo BillsAndre Dillard (Washington)OL
10Denver BroncosDrew Lock (Missouri)QB
11Cincinnati BengalsDevin Bush (Michigan)LB
12Green Bay PackersD.K. Metcalf (Ole Miss)WR
13Miami DolphinsDwayne Haskins (OSU)QB
14Atlanta FalconsEd Oliver (Houston)DL
15Washington RedskinsGreedy Williams (LSU)CB
16Carolina PanthersJonah Williams (Alabama)OL
17New York GiantsMontez Sweat (Miss St.)DE
Latest Mile High Savior.

Instant Analysis:  A new quarterback cracks the Top 10.  Drew Lock is climbing up the draft boards, and some people think he’ll leapfrog Dwayne Haskins.  He seems to be a good fit for Denver, and Elway is high on him…although he was also high on Brock Osweiler…and Paxton Lynch…and Trevor Siemian…and Case Keenum.  Wait, are you saying former players make for lousy front office executives?  Yes, I am.

Mock Draft 1.0 (Ginger King)

[NFL fan, could be you]:  Where the Hell have you guys been?  Aren’t you guys a little late to the draft party?  I’ve seen tons of mock drafts already.  How come you guys haven’t put one out yet?  Kiper already has, like, 20 out.  What’s wrong with you guys? 

[Ginger King]:  While we appreciate the mock draft enthusiasm, note this:  mock drafts before free agency are absolute horseshit.  Don’t believe me?  Look at this tweet:

citing our own Tweets…so meta.

My kids don’t know their street address (or an emergency contact number), but they do know this:  Free agency shapes the draft.  Period.  How many (pre-free agency) mock drafts did you see with Jacksonville taking a quarterback?  All of them.  You think that’s happening now that they just signed Nick Foles and his (allegedly) ginormous trouser snake?  Da Raiders just signed Antonio Brown (and Tyrell Williams).  You think they’re going to draft a receiver with any of their three (3!) first round picks???  [side note: laugh all you want at Gruden and his questionable coaching decisions…but they just acquired the game’s best receiver for a bag of chips, AND have three first round draft picks].  I’m Team Chucky on this. 

And LOL at that Kiper shit.  Our streak of more first round picks right than Kiper (and McShay) is guaranteed to continue.  Book it.

Anyway, here’s my Top 10…just the tip for now…it costs extra to see my full mock (believe me, my full mock is HUGE.  The best.).  Anyway, enjoy St. Patrick’s Day (fucking amateur hour) and make sure to celebrate it the right way (blind drunk).  As soon as Roid Rage gets out of his Leprechaun costume, he’ll post his Top 10. 

Round 1 Team Pick
1 Arizona Cardinals Kyler Murray (Oklahoma) QB
2 San Francisco 49ers Nick Bosa (OSU) DE
3 New York Jets Quinnen Williams (Alabama)DL
4 Oakland Raiders Josh Allen (Kentucky) Edge
5 Tampa Bay Bucs D.K. Metcalf (Ole Miss) WR
6 New York Giants Montez Sweat (Miss State) DE
7 Jacksonville Jaguars Rashaan Gary (Michigan) DE
8 Detroit Lions Christian Wilkins (Clemson) DL
9 Buffalo Bills Jawaan Taylor (Florida) OL
10 Denver Broncos Ed Oliver (Houston) DL
I’m this big!

Instant Analysis:  If you were to ask me one week ago, I would have told you the Kyler Murray to Arizona talk was a total smokescreen.  Now…call me naïve…but I’m totally buying this.  Sure, Arizona traded up in last year’s draft to get their quarterback of the future in Josh Rosen…but that was soooo last year.  New Coach new quarterback.  Simply put:  Kyler’s Kliff Kingbury’s guy, and if we know anything about Kliff Kingsbury, it’s that he picks the right partners.

Good eye for talent.

San Francisco should take about 1 second to get to the podium, as Nick Bosa is an absolute no brainer.  I also think Quinnen Williams and Josh Allen are no brainers as well.  Things will get interesting at 5.  Tampa could go in a number of directions, but this is Jameis’ last stand, and pairing D.K. with Mike Evans would be a solid 1-2 punch (or at least enough cover for the front office to draft Tua next year). 

Speaking of a number of directions, the Giants are at 6 and everyone is screaming qb.  However, David Gettelman has a plan, and that plan involves re-building with a 38-year-old quarterback.  This pick (and their other first round pick) will be defense, as the Giants finally remember a long-forgotten football mantra:  Defense (and Saquon Barkley) wins championships.  I also think the Giants will trade for Josh Rosen.  His price will only go down the closer you get to the Draft, so hold tight G-Men.

Rounding out the rest of the Top 10, the Bills luck out by the run on defensive players and grab the best tackle in the draft with Jawaan Taylor.

Also, this Top 10 assumes no trades.  No way that’s going to happen.  If Dwayne Haskins slips past the Giants, there’s a good chance a qb needy team like Miami or Washington sneak in to the Top 10. 

Super Bowl Prop Bet Extravaganza!

Tomorrow either the Patriots (barf) or Rams will hoist the Lombardi Trophy and become World Champions. But let’s get onto what really matters (no, not the commercials!), the GAMBLING!

Sportbook William-Hill is offering more than 440 prop bets on the big game. We’ve scoured the prop sheet to cherry-pick our favorite action (you won’t find the over/under on the length of the National Anthem, or the color of Adam Levine’s shirt), without further ado…..

PropGKRR
Opening Coin Toss WinnerRamsNE
First Pass by Tom Brady: Complete or IncompleteCompleteComplete
First Reception by Julian Edelman, (O/U) 9.5 yardsOU
First Rush by James White, (O/U) 3.5 yardsUU
Total Rushing Yards by Tom Brady, (O/U) 1.5UU
Total Rushing Yards by James White, (O/U) 17.5OO
Longest Reception by Rob Gronkowski (O/U) 20.5OU
Total Completions by Jared Goff (O/U) 24.5UO
Total Touchdown Passes by Jared Goff (O/U) 2OO
Longest Rush by Todd Gurley (O/U) 20.5UU
First Reception by Todd Gurley, (O/U) 7.5 yardsUO
First Rushing Attempt by CJ Anderson (O/U) 3.5 yardsOU
Total Receptions by Josh Reynolds (O/U) 3.5OO
Longest Reception by Robert Woods (O/U) 22.5 yardsOU
What will happen first, Rams score or puntScorePunt
More Completions: Brady or GoffBradyBrady
More Gross Passing Yards: Brady or GoffGoffGoff
More Touchdown Passes: Brady or GoffBradyGoff
Jersey Number of First Player to Score a Touchdown (O/U) 26.5OU
More Points: Gostkowski or ZuerleinZuerleinZuerlein
First Team to use Coach’s ChallengeNENE
Total QB Sacks by both teams, (O/U) 3.5UU
Shortest Touchdown of the game, (O/U) 1.5 yardsUU
First Team to ScoreRamsNE
Longest Field Goal of the Game (O/U) 47.5OO
Longest Touchdown of the Game (O/U) 49.5OU
Team to score last in the first halfNENE
Game will be decided by exactly 3 points (Y/N)NN
Total Number of Players to have a passing attempt, (O/U) 2.5OO
Will there be a Special Teams or Defensive Touchdown (Y/N)NN
Total punts by both teams (O/U) 6.5UU

The Los Angeles Rams are going to win the Super Bowl….

…and that’s not just the delusional Bills fan in me speaking.  They are going to win because they are the better team (expert analysis!).

Let’s get it on!

Before I dissect the reasons (spoiler alert, there’s only one reason the Rams are going to win, but it’s a big fuckin reason.  So feel free to skip the next  800 words or so if you’re in a hurry or if you’re like me and the only chance you have to freely read sports articles is while on the shitter), I’ve got to throw a Tuesday Teabag at this:

Juuuust when you thought you couldn’t hate this cheatin’ kalehole anymore he doubles down on the douche.  He’s leading the charge, and dropping the mic, on the ‘we’re not going anywhere underdog’ platform?!  I just threw up all over the keyboard.  Pre-season favorite to win the AFC.  GOAT Coach.  GOAT QB. 3rd consecutive trip to the Super Bowl (geez, I’m only adding to Ginger King’s argument here). But yeah, they want the underdog role too.  GTFO!

Recency bias is a dangerous beast, and it’s causing NFL fans to forget everything that happened prior to the Conference Championships.  The lasting image fans have of the Patriots:  they went to Arrowhead and beat Mahomes and the high-flying Chiefs.  Forget the fact that they played a perfect game, got a fortuitous bounce (it hit Edelmen’s thumb btw), and seemingly had every replay review go their way.  And they still needed overtime to pull off the victory; an overtime that included winning the coin flip (about the only thing Belichick hasn’t found a way to cheat….yet), converted three 3rd-and-10’s, and got an inexplicable defensive off-sides that negated an ugly Tom Brady interception.  It also helps when you’re coaching against a Walrus.  Good God, still waiting for that defense adjustment Andy Reid.  Maybe mix in a blitz or two.  Enjoy those timeouts you get to take with you to the links.

And on the flipside, the lasting impression of your NFC Champion LA Rams: you don’t belong.  You don’t deserve to be here.  You got a free call.  A non-call, which don’t get me wrong, was historically egregious, but it didn’t/wouldn’t have ended the game.  Honestly, the Saints piss pour clock management (incomplete pass on 1st down) set themselves up to have to throw in that spot.  The Saints, like the Patriots, won the stupid coin toss in overtime.  Was that blown call still clouding Drew Brees’ judgment when he tossed that lame duck pick?  The Rams caught a break, but they won that game.

Choppa style

So the narrative is born:  The Greatest Destiny ever assembled vs. the team that doesn’t belong.   And the Rams are going to have to hear that ALL.WEEK. LONG.  If that doesn’t put a chip on their shoulder, nothing will!

If this game were played at a neutral location, at ANY point during the season, the Rams would be favored.  Probably by a field goal.  Yet, the line is Patriots -2.5 (hullo value bet!).  And 78% of the money has come in on the Patriots, which means Vegas stands to make a boatload of money if one of these three scenarios plays out:

Rams win.

Rams lose by 1.

Rams lose by 2.

I think siding with the books is what they call “smart money”.

Offensively, the Rams are going to be able to move the ball.  Belichick’s MO has always been to “take away the other team’s best player”.  The Chiefs gameplan was a clinic.  Double-team the best player (Tyreek Hill); put Gilmore in one-on-one coverage against the other team’s No. 2 receiver (Watkins); crowd the middle of the field to take the read away from the tight-end (Kelce) and make RB’s and No. 3 WR beat you while twisting and stunting your defensive linemen to generate pressure.  Except, the Rams don’t rely on a number No.1 guy, they spread the ball around to Woods, Cooks, and Reynolds (who’s picked up the slack after they lost Cooper Kupp).  McVay, the boy genius, has no qualms committing to running the ball (48 carries [!] for 273 yards against the #5 Dallas rush defense/ 26 carries – despite falling behind early-  for 80 yards against the Saints #1 rush defense).  Moving the ball and scoring points has never been a problem for the No. 3 overall offense in football.  It also doesn’t hurt that they have the best special teams unit in the NFL, a pro bowl punter (who’s not afraid to fake it) and a kicker whose nickname is ‘The Leg’.

Greg the Leg for the win!

But like I said, there’s one reason, and one reason only why the Rams are going to win this game:  their DEFENSIVE LINE.  A nasty defensive line is the ultimate cheat code to beat the Patriots!  It’s their kryptonite.  It’s shooting your shot at the Death Stars’ one weakness!  A stroll down memory lane shall we:

2002 SB36 New England 20, St. Louis 17 W
2004 SB38 New England 32, Carolina 29 W
2005 SB39 New England 24, Philadelphia 21 W
2008 SB42 New York Giants 17, New England 14 L
2012 SB46 New York Giants 21, New England 17 L
2015 SB49 New England 28, Seattle Seahawks 24 W
2017 SB51 New England 34, Atlanta Falcons 28 W
2018 SB52 Philadelphia Eagles 41, New England 33 L

Look at those 3 (soon to be 4) big fat L’s and tell me what they have in common.  No, not that they are all NFC East teams, smartass.  All the teams that beat the Patriots had sick defensive lines.  Remember Tuck, Strahan and Umenyiora harassing the shit out of Brady all game long (Ginger King sure does).  Last year’s Eagle line played behind the line of scrimmage all game long.  And speaking of those Eagle, the Rams front four is eerie similar:

Cox  = Donald

Bennett = Suh

Long = Fowler

Graham = Brockers

’bout to go on that TB12 diet

In fact, the Rams front four is MORE talented.  Aaron Donald is the non-QB MVP of the league with his league leading 20.5 sacks (from the DT position!)!  Donald consistently beats double teams with his blend of power, speed, and quickness.  And if you double him all game long (which you should), you’re leaving Suh one on one.  Suh is a beast…when he wants to be.  Sure, he takes of plays/games/months and is the Santa Claus of dirty plays (always seemingly pulling a new one out of the bag), but when motivated, the big man still gets after it.  As such, he was a difference maker in both of the Rams playoff games this year.

Sure, the Patriots have “experience” on their side, but that shit doesn’t matter.  Doug Peterson and Big Dick Nick didn’t have experience last year.  But they were aggressive, took the fight to the Patriots, went for it on 4th down and scored touchdowns, not field goals.  Yeah, I think McVay will be just fine.

“Yeah, I think McVay will be just fine”

So give me the Rams straight up and let me enjoy those Gisele Bundchen tears once again!

Why the Patriots will win the Super Bowl

Let’s get it on!

Hi friends.  We’re back at it with full Super Bowl coverage.  Roid Rage will try to explain to you why the Rams will win the Super Bowl (you know, the team that doesn’t even belong there and has Todd Gurley at 60% health).  Good luck with that.  I don’t care how hot Sean McVay’s girlfriend is (which, for the record, is really hot), not even that will stop me from going with what we all know, whether we want to admit it:  the New England Patriots will win the Super Bowl.

But Ginger King, isn’t this a departure from your normal, anti-everything New England (except chowder, that shit’s delicious).  Yes, but I forgot to tell you my New Year’s resolution:

Embrace Evil.

Evil begets evil

Yes.  With Sith blood flowing freely through my veins, I can finally recognize and appreciate the greatness of the best football dynasty of all time.  It’s an unprecedented level of success.  Since the turn of the century, the Patriots have won the AFC East 16 times (including 10 in a row) with 5 Super Bowls.  All with the same Coach, same quarterback, and same plug and play receivers and cornerbacks.

I’m even moved by Tom Brady’s hype video:

View this post on Instagram

If you happen to be lucky…

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on

The Patriots have been so good, for so long, that they need to invent their own problems.  TB12, Deflategate, awkwardly long mouth to mouth kisses with your children…the Patriots are that bored that they need to make shit up.  And here’s the latest:  that they’re the underdog.

Hands of an underdog.

Seriously.  Is anyone buying this?  Vegas was, for a hot second, when the Patriots were underdogs to Kansas City, you know, the new, high scoring team with a hot shot young quarterback (sound familiar?).  Well, that didn’t last long, and it didn’t take long for the Patriots to acknowledge it either.  The New England smugness was in full effect, just minutes after the AFC Championship Game.

And why were the Patriots thought of as underdogs, you ask?  Because [putting tinfoil hat on] they manufactured that message, too.  Yes, with a somewhat pedestrian regular season (by Patriot standards), the Patriots crafted this story line that they’re the underdogs.  That they don’t have the firepower they used to.  A muted Gronk.  That they’re too old, and a shell of their former selves.  Well, don’t believe it for a second.  Let’s break this down, shall we.

They don’t have the firepower they used to.

FALSE.  In fact, they have more firepower this year than last year.  Two words:  Julian Edleman.  Julian may not be thought of as one of the best receivers in the league, but that’s only because you’re not thinking hard enough.  Come playoff time, his numbers are HOF worthy.  Edleman is second in all-time playoff receptions (behind Jerry Rice) and only needs 45 yards to be second in all-time receiving yards (again, behind Jerry Rice).  And he didn’t play in the Super Bowl last year, as he was out with a knee injury.  With a healthy Edleman, Brady has his do everything receiver back.  And you heard it hear first:  Edleman will throw a touchdown pass.  We’re calling this the Patriot Special (suck it, Philly).

Muted Gronk

FALSE.  Sure, our favorite meathead/future Celebrity Big Brother had a career low 3 tds, a depressing 47 receptions, and oftentimes looked slow and broken down this season (check out the Miami Miracle and you’ll see what I mean).  But when it mattered, Gronk delivered.  Gronk went 6/79 against Kansas City.  Not spectacular, but he came through in the clutch.  On their game-winning overtime drive, 3rd and 10, Brady went to Gronk, who delivered on a 15-yard reception.  That was Brady’s last pass of the game.  And get this:  Gronk was targeted a team high (and season high) 11 times.  Translation:  Gronk’s Tide pod and Monster fueled body still has some gas in the tank.  And it comes at the right time, against the right team.

Chest bumps for everyone!

As tough as the Rams D is, they are vulnerable to tight ends.  During their Week 11 game against Kansas City, Travis Kelce went 10/127/1, with a team high 15 targets.  Gronk will present the same type of matchup dilemma.  It’s a matchup the Patriots will exploit, and Gronk should flourish, especially when lined out wide against a db.  Look for Gronk to lead the Patriots in targets (and fist bumps).

Too Old

FALSE.  This one’s hilarious.  The Patriots suffer from late 90’s/early 00’s Yankees syndrome (don’t say that in Boston, btw).  They’ve been so good, for so long, with such an obnoxious fucking fanbase, that everyone can’t wait for the next best thing to come along.  And that shiny new toy is the Rams…the new team in a new city with the youngest head coach in the NFL.  Sean McVay just turned 33 on Thursday (son of a bitch).  Bill Belichick is literally twice his age.  Jared Goff.  Todd Gurley.  Aaron Donald.  The next dynasty, generation of studs, best hope to beat the Patriots.

Yes, the millennials are here and, unlike every other scenario involving millennials, the whole country is rooting for them.  All of a sudden, the game has passed by the old ball coach.  The hoodie is old news.  Brady’s lost it.  Gronk’s lost it.  The dynasty is over.  Correction;  the dynasty is almost over.  Like Bobby Bacala, Sr. in the Sopranos, Belichick’s got one more hit in him.  One more trick up his sleeve.  They’re just that good.  Look for Bellichick to out-McVay, McVay, and call the games first trick play (e.g., fake fg/punt, trick play).

Think about the head to head comparisons.

Coaching:  Patriots

Quarterback:  Patriots

Receivers:  Patriots

Running Backs:  Push, although I can make a pretty good case this too should be the Patriots.  Sorry, but there’s no way Todd Gurley is at 100% and the Rams’ offensive strategy is to lean on CJ Anderson.  Not buying it.  Gurley had 4 carries for 10 yards against the Saints.  The Rams had 1 rushing touchdown against the Saints, and only 4 rushing touchdowns in the playoffs.  Contrast that with the Patriots, who have had 8 rushing touchdowns in the playoffs, led by rookie stud Sony Michel, who has had 5 rushing touchdowns…more than the entire Rams.

Defense:  Rams, but it’s a lot closer than you think.  The Rams are 31st –that’s right, second to last in the league – at points allowed per game, giving up over 32 points a game.  The Rams and Patriots are tied with 18 interceptions each, and the Patriots have caused more fumbles.  Sure, I’m cherry picking stats to make my case, (let’s not look at sacks or Aaron Donald, ok) but everyone’s acting like this Rams D is the second coming of the ’85 Bears.  Puh-lease.  Not even close.  And while there’s only ever been one ejection in Super Bowl history, look for hot head and dick-stomper Ndamakung Suh to double that total.

Apologies to everyone west of Massachusetts, but come Super Bowl Sunday, evil will prevail.  Evil will also cover the spread, as I love the Patriots at -2.5.  Sorry Rams, your fickle fanbase will soon go back to surfing and LeBron, and will forget that there’s even a team in LA, let alone two.  And Tom Brady will hoist his 6th Super Bowl trophy and go back home to his supermodel wife.  Evil is good.

Patriots:  34, Rams 28

Book the parade.

Mock Draft FINAL (Roid Rage)

Check out Ginger Kings Final Mock Draft and the unofficial (but officially awesome) Big Red Sports Machine Draft Day Drinking Game Rules here.

Let’s get it on!

And now…..

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Baker Mayfield (Oklahoma) QB
2 New York Giants Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
3 New York Jets Sam Darnold (USC) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
5 Denver Broncos Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
6 Indianapolis Colts Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
8 Chicago Bears Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB
9 San Francisco 49ers Mike McGlinchey (Notre Dame) OL
10 Oakland Raiders Vita Vea (Washington) DT
11 Miami Dolphins Tremaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
12 Buffalo Bills Derwin James (FSU) S
13 Washington Redskins Da’Ron Payne (Alabama) DL
14 Green Bay Packers Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB
15 Arizona Cardinals Josh Allen (Wyoming) QB
16 Baltimore Ravens Harold Landry (BC) LB
17 Los Angeles Chargers James Daniels (Iowa) OL
18 Seattle Seahawks Josh Jackson (Iowa) CB
19 Dallas Cowboys DJ Moore (Maryland) WR
20 Detroit Lions Leighton Vander Esch (Boise St) LB
21 Cincinnati Bengals Isaiah Wynn (Georgia) OL
22 Buffalo Bills Marcus Davenport (Texas-SA) DE
23 New England Patriots Taven Bryan (Florida) DL
24 Carolina Panthers Frank Ragnow (Arkansas) OL
25 Tennessee Titans Jaire Alexander (Louisville) CB
26 Atlanta Falcons Kolton Miller (UCLA) OL
27 New Orleans Saints Mike Gesicki (PSU) TE
28 Pittsburgh Steelers Rashaan Evans (Alabama) LB
29 Jacksonville Jaguars Mason Rudolph (Oklahoma St) QB
30 Minnesota Vikings Connor Williams (Texas) OL
31 New England Patriots Lamar Jackson (Louisville) QB
32 Philadelphia Eagles Calvin Ridley (Alabama) WR

Instant Analysis: None needed! Get some!

 

 

The Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game (2018 ed.)

Cheers!Can’t make it to The Machine’s Draft Day Party?  Well, that sucks for you.  But have no fear…we got your back.  “How can I make the Draft better?”, you ask yourself in amazement.  By playing The Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game.  It’s fun, it’s easy, guaranteed to impress the ladies, and you can play at home or at your favorite watering hole.  Here are the rules:

1.  Draft catchphrases.  There are certain phrases you only hear during the Draft.  Why?  We don’t know, but we love them.  For this reason alone, we give ESPN the slight lean over the NFL Network for your draft day coverage.  That, and, Kiper.  Duh, winning!

The following phrases are worth a shot of beer:

  • Raw talent
  • Off-the-field/character issues
  • Live arm
  • High motor
  • Straight line speed
  • Great Value/Upside
  • Dual threat
  • System quarterback
  • Pocket presence
  • Plays in the box (hey oh!)
  • Best player available
  • Intangibles or Measurables
  • War Room
  • New Regime
  • Read-Option
  • Edge Rusher
  • Gets to the Second Level
  • Quick feet
  • Plays in Space

New for 2018:

  • Fluid hips
  • Thick frame
  • Backside protector (hey oh!)

2.  Videos/references.  Each of these are beer-finishing worthy:

  • Reference to Mel’s hair
  • Player on-stage photo-op with family/entourage of 15+
  • Reference to Cleveland Browns front office ineptitude
  • First shot of Drew Rosenhaus in his newest client’s living room
  • First player to cry when their name is called
  • Reference to when Tom Brady was drafted (we’ll also accept Brady’s Combine picture)
  • Reference to Aaron Rodgers draft day slide
  • Video of Brady Quinn in the green room
  • Video of Bill Tobin’s infamous “who the hell is Mel Kiper?” interview during the ’94 Draft
  • And this:

3.  On the Clock Chug.  When your team is on the clock, you have to finish a full beer before the pick is called.  Note:  if your team trades down, they’re on the clock twice, meaning that’s two full beers.  Cowboy up, it’s the Draft!

Basically, if it doesn’t look like this, you’re doing it wrong…..

Beer Chug

Or this:

Beer Chug 2