The Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game (2018 ed.)

Cheers!Can’t make it to The Machine’s Draft Day Party?  Well, that sucks for you.  But have no fear…we got your back.  “How can I make the Draft better?”, you ask yourself in amazement.  By playing The Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game.  It’s fun, it’s easy, guaranteed to impress the ladies, and you can play at home or at your favorite watering hole.  Here are the rules:

1.  Draft catchphrases.  There are certain phrases you only hear during the Draft.  Why?  We don’t know, but we love them.  For this reason alone, we give ESPN the slight lean over the NFL Network for your draft day coverage.  That, and, Kiper.  Duh, winning!

The following phrases are worth a shot of beer:

  • Raw talent
  • Off-the-field/character issues
  • Live arm
  • High motor
  • Straight line speed
  • Great Value/Upside
  • Dual threat
  • System quarterback
  • Pocket presence
  • Plays in the box (hey oh!)
  • Best player available
  • Intangibles or Measurables
  • War Room
  • New Regime
  • Read-Option
  • Edge Rusher
  • Gets to the Second Level
  • Quick feet
  • Plays in Space

New for 2018:

  • Fluid hips
  • Thick frame
  • Backside protector (hey oh!)

2.  Videos/references.  Each of these are beer-finishing worthy:

  • Reference to Mel’s hair
  • Player on-stage photo-op with family/entourage of 15+
  • Reference to Cleveland Browns front office ineptitude
  • First shot of Drew Rosenhaus in his newest client’s living room
  • First player to cry when their name is called
  • Reference to when Tom Brady was drafted (we’ll also accept Brady’s Combine picture)
  • Reference to Aaron Rodgers draft day slide
  • Video of Brady Quinn in the green room
  • Video of Bill Tobin’s infamous “who the hell is Mel Kiper?” interview during the ’94 Draft
  • And this:

3.  On the Clock Chug.  When your team is on the clock, you have to finish a full beer before the pick is called.  Note:  if your team trades down, they’re on the clock twice, meaning that’s two full beers.  Cowboy up, it’s the Draft!

Basically, if it doesn’t look like this, you’re doing it wrong…..

Beer Chug

Or this:

Beer Chug 2

Mock Draft FINAL (Ginger King)

Let’s get it on!

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Sam Darnold (USC) QB
2 New York Giants Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
3 New York Jets Baker Mayfield (Oklahoma) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
5 Denver Broncos Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
6 Indianapolis Colts Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Derwin James (FSU) S
8 Chicago Bears Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB
9 San Francisco 49ers Mike McGlinchy (Notre Dame) OL
10 Oakland Raiders Vita Vea (Washington) DT
11 Miami Dolphins Tremaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
12 Buffalo Bills Josh Allen (Wyoming) QB
13 Washington Redskins Da’Ron Payne (Alabama) DT
14 Green Bay Packers Calvin Ridley (Alabama) WR
15 Arizona Cardinals Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
16 Baltimore Ravens D.J. Moore (Maryland) WR
17 Los Angeles Chargers Josh Jackson (Iowa) CB
18 Seattle Seahawks Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
19 Dallas Cowboys Courtland Sutton (SMU) WR
20 Detroit Lions Harold Landry (Boston College) DE
21 Cincinnati Bengals Frank Ragnow (Arkansas) OL
22 Buffalo Bills Marcus Davenport (UTSA) DE
23 New England Patriots Leighton Vander Esch (Boise St.) LB
24 Carolina Panthers James Daniels (Iowa) OL
25 Tennessee Titans Billy Price (OSU) OL
26 Atlanta Falcons Isaiah Wynn (Georgia) OL
27 New Orleans Saints Lamar Jackson (Louisville) QB
28 Pittsburgh Steelers Rashaan Evans (Alabama) LB
29 Jacksonville Jaguars Jaire Alexander (Louisville) CB
30 Minnesota Vikings Will Hernandez (UTEP) OL
31 New England Patriots Christian Kirk (Texas A&M) WR
32 Philadelphia Eagles Mike Hughes (UCF) CB

Instant Analysis:  Alright, alright, alright.  My final mock draft.  Changes galore.  A lot of noise about Baker to Cleveland at #1, but I just don’t buy it.  This has smokescreen written all over it, trying to get the Jets to trade up for Broadway Baker.  If Cleveland stays put, this pick has to be Darnold.  He’s the most complete package of all the quarterbacks in the Draft.  Maybe Roid Rage will have the balls to go with Baker (he’s still living off his fame of DHB at 7) but my money’s on the Browns picking the surest thing.

While I think the Browns will use smart money, I don’t think the Giants will.  Smart money says take Bradley Chubb, shore up your defense, and then take a running back in the second or third round.  However, I think the Giants are going all-in.  By that, I mean give Eli Manning the last remaining offensive piece for one more run (let’s be honest, Eli’s got 2 at least two years left, he’s 37 people, that’s not old (neither is 39, btw)).  Gettleman wants a gold jacket player…that’s Saquon.  Yes, yes, I know, you can find great value at running back in later rounds.  Le’Veon Bell (2nd Round), Shady McCoy (2nd Round), Alvin Kamara (3rd Round), and last year’s leading rusher, Kareem Hunt (3rd Round).  However, there’s also Todd Gurley, Ezekiel Elliott, and Leonard Fournette, all picked in the Top 10 and all of whom instantly elevated their team to the playoffs.  Yes, you could take Chubb, and then hope that Sony Michelle or Derrius Guice are there in Round 2.  But fuck it, throw caution (reason and logic) to the wind and roll them dice!

Can you imagine???

Elsewhere, both Josh Rosen and Josh Allen slip out of the Top 10, but not too far.  Bills Mafia will have no problems with Josh’s tweets, and will welcome him with open, drunken, arms.  Also, if the Bills can get Davenport at 22, that would be an ideal first round.  I think Arizona is as far as Josh Rosen will fall.  My concerns with him are less his millennial outlook on life (read: spoiled brat hated by his peers) and more about his injury history.  Two concussions in a year and shoulder surgery.  That’s what’s going to make him fall.

Wait, you mean people will hold you accountable for things you say online? I’ll be right back…

Ok folks, that’s it from me.  Time to go to my war room dive bar and get ready with some game tape chicken wings and Coors Light.  We’re hours away from the biggest (non-sporting) sporting event of the year!  We’ve been so geeked up about the actual draft, we forgot to even mention that it’s in Dallas!  You know Jerrah will spare no expense…at the very least expect a Rhinestone stage and (multiple) Elvis impersonators.

Mock Draft 4.0 (Ginger King)

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Josh Allen (Wyoming) QB
2 New York Giants Sam Darnold (USC) QB
3 New York Jets Baker Mayfield (Oklahoma) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
5 Denver Broncos Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
6 Indianapolis Colts Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Derwin James (FSU) S
8 Chicago Bears Trumaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
9 San Francisco 49ers Harold Landry (Boston College) DE
10 Oakland Raiders Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB
11 Miami Dolphins Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
12 Buffalo Bills Marcus Davenport (UTSA) DE
13 Washington Redskins Vita Vea (Washington) DT
14 Green Bay Packers Calvin Ridley (Alabama) WR
15 Arizona Cardinals Lamar Jackson (Louisville) QB
16 Baltimore Ravens Mike McGlinchy (Notre Dame) OL
17 Los Angeles Chargers Josh Jackson (Iowa) CB
18 Seattle Seahawks Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
19 Dallas Cowboys Courtland Sutton (SMU) WR
20 Detroit Lions Da’Ron Payne (Alabama) DT
21 Cincinnati Bengals James Daniels (Iowa) OL
22 Buffalo Bills Isaiah Wynn (Georgia) OL
23 New England Patriots Leighton Vander Esch (Boise St.) LB
24 Carolina Panthers Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB
25 Tennessee Titans Billy Price (OSU) OL
26 Atlanta Falcons D.J. Moore (Maryland) WR
27 New Orleans Saints Dallas Goedert (South Dakota St.) TE
28 Pittsburgh Steelers Justin Reid (Stanford) S
29 Jacksonville Jaguars Rashaan Evans (Alabama) LB
30 Minnesota Vikings Kolton Miller (UCLA) OL
31 New England Patriots Christian Kirk (Texas A&M) WR
32 Philadelphia Eagles Derrius Guice (LSU) RB

Instant Analysis:  Cleveland’s first pick has to be a quarterback, but which one?  Most people have either Darnold or Allen, but now there’s word that Cleveland is seriously considering Baker Mayfield.  They’ve done a really good job of managing the message and controlling the flow of information (don’t worry, they’ll have plenty of time to get it wrong in a couple days).  If Cleveland goes with Allen (or Mayfield – although I’m not buying it) then the Giants will have to take Darnold.  Roid Rage has me sold on Baker to the Jets (I mean, Joe Namath approves), and then I think the Josh Rosen slide begins.

Slide, slide, slippidy slide.

Elsewhere, offensive lineman should dominate the latter half of the first round.  Everyone’s talking quarterbacks (ladies love the long ball) but the hog mollies could be the real story in Round 1.  We’re continuing to monitor all draft news (tough job, I know) so check back later for more mock drafts, as well as our award-winning Draft Day Drinking Game (2018 ed.).

Mock Draft 3.0 (Ginger King)

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Sam Darnold (USC) QB
2 New York Giants Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
3 New York Jets Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Mike McGlinchy (Notre Dame) OL
5 Denver Broncos Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
6 Indianapolis Colts Josh Allen (Wyoming) QB
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Derwin James (FSU) S
8 Chicago Bears Trumaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
9 San Francisco 49ers Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
10 Oakland Raiders Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB
11 Miami Dolphins Baker Mayfield (Oklahoma) QB
12 Buffalo Bills Calvin Ridley (Alabama) WR
13 Washington Redskins Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB
14 Green Bay Packers Christian Kirk (Texas A&M) WR
15 Arizona Cardinals Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
16 Baltimore Ravens Rashaan Evans (Alabama) LB
17 Los Angeles Chargers Josh Jackson (Iowa) CB
18 Seattle Seahawks Vita Vea (Washington) DT
19 Dallas Cowboys Courtland Sutton (SMU) WR
20 Detroit Lions Marcus Davenport (UTSA) DE
21 Cincinnati Bengals Kolton Miller (UCLA) OL
22 Buffalo Bills Isaiah Wynn (Georgia) OL
23 New England Patriots Leighton Vander Esch (Boise St.) LB
24 Carolina Panthers Harold Landry (Boston College) LB
25 Tennessee Titans Da’Ron Payne (Alabama) DT
26 Atlanta Falcons D.J. Moore (Maryland) WR
27 New Orleans Saints Lamar Jackson (Louisville) QB
28 Pittsburgh Steelers Justin Reid (Stanford) S
29 Jacksonville Jaguars Jaire Alexander (Louisville) CB
30 Minnesota Vikings Connor Williams (Texas) OL
31 New England Patriots Mason Rudolph (Ok St.) QB
32 Philadelphia Eagles Mike Hughes (UCF) CB

Instant Analysis:  We’ve opened the kimono (I know, it’s huge) and give you our full first round mock.  6 Quarterbacks in the First Round?!?!  That sounds crazy, but not impossible.  With the fifth-year team option for first round picks, both Lamar Jackson and Mason Rudolph stand a chance to sneak into the first round.  The more I think about it, the more Lamar Jackson to the Saints makes a ton of sense.  That offense fits his skill set, and there’s no expectation to come in right away.  He can sit back and learn from one of the best in Drew Brees.

Yes, he’s a quarterback.

Mike McGlinchey takes a huge jump up to Cleveland at 4.  Yes, Saquon Barkley is still there, but Cleveland just lost Joe Thomas and they need a left tackle to protect their newest franchise quarterback.  It’s tough to predict trades, but Cleveland would be in a great spot to trade to someone like Buffalo, and then grab McGlinchey at 12.  Speaking of franchise quarterbacks, the Colts surprise everyone and take Josh Allen.  Sure, the Colts have Andrew Luck, but here’s the problem:  He can’t throw a football.  That’s generally a problem if you’re a quarterback.  Sure, maybe he’ll be fine…or maybe he’ll put you through quarterback hell (again).  Drafting Josh Allen is a win-win, and a necessary insurance policy for the Colts.  If Luck returns to form, the Colts can trade Allen for a bevy of picks and/or players…and if, you know, Luck still can’t throw a football, then the Colts just drafted their next franchise quarterback.

Elsewhere, Dallas will now be looking for a receiver to replace Dez…and they can stay right in their backyard and get Courtland Sutton.

Dez who?

If Buffalo stays put, I like them to go offense with both picks.  Calvin Ridley would be hard to pass up at 12, and they need to strengthen their offense line with both Richie Incognito and Eric Wood not returning (FWIW, I’m not entirely convinced Richie’s retiring…this reeks of contract negotiation strategy).  Regardless, offensive line is still an area of need, and they’ll have plenty of options at 22 for an interior lineman.  Also, can we get a change.org petition going to get Incognito a broadcasting job?  Now that’ll boost ratings!

Are you ready for some football, motherfuckers!

Mock Draft 2.0 (Ginger King)

Alright, alright, alright.  Let’s get right to our Mock 2.0.  Some big changes in store.  We’ve already seen some big trades, as the Jets and the Bills are making some big moves, each in search of a franchise quarterback.  The Jets have assured themselves of one of the Big 3, but Buffalo still has some work to do if it’s gunning for a quarterback.  The Giants at #2 and Cleveland at #4 are great spots…but what will it take to get there (answer: a lot).  Also, they’re going to have some competition.  There are teams lurking outside the Top 10 besides the Bills (Miami, Arizona) looking to make a jump into the Top 5.  This will make for some exciting fireworks come draft night.

For now, let’s focus on the draft order as is (predicting trades is like a mock within a mock…and that’s just ridiculous).  We’ll reveal a little more of the curtain and unveil the top half of Round 1.

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Sam Darnold (USC) QB
2 New York Giants Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
3 New York Jets Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
5 Denver Broncos Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
6 Indianapolis Colts Vita Vea (Washington) DT
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Calvin Ridley (Alabama) WR
8 Chicago Bears Trumaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
9 San Francisco 49ers Derwin James (FSU) S
10 Oakland Raiders Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB
11 Miami Dolphins Josh Allen (Wyoming) QB
12 Buffalo Bills Baker Mayfield (Oklahoma) QB
13 Washington Redskins Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB
14 Green Bay Packers Christian Kirk (Texas A&M) WR
15 Arizona Cardinals Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
16 Baltimore Ravens Mike McGlinchy (Notre Dame) OL

Instant Analysis:  Darnold took some flak for not throwing at the Combine, but silenced all critics by impressing everyone at his pro day.  As if his performance alone wasn’t enough, he threw in the rain, letting everyone know he’s ready for some depressing mid-Western weather.

Like bad weather, Sam? You’re going to love Cleveland.

Things get wonky quick with the Giants at 2.  I think the Giants would love nothing more than to trade down a few spots.  Problem is they don’t want to drop too far.  Ideally, best case scenario is to drop to #5 or #6, get some picks in the process, and still be guaranteed a top player (Barkley, Chubb, Nelson).  However, neither Denver or the Colts are looking to move up (quite the opposite, actually).  For now, they stay put and take Chubb, who makes a ton of sense, especially with JPP and his lobster claw heading to Tampa.

Thanks for the memories!

By trading out of the third pick, the Colts are gambling that Chubb will still be there.  If not, they will try to trade down, as someone like Vita Vea would still be available in the early teens.

Rounding out the top half, the Dolphins are the big winners here…with Josh Allen falling in their lap.  If the Giants don’t draft a quarterback (they may take Allen) then teams will be clamoring to move up to get him.  It’s unthinkable that he could fall that far, but stranger things have happened.  Remember Aaron Rodgers draft day slide?  He fell all the way to 24.  It could happen (but probably not).

Speaking of the Packers, Green Bay fills the void left by Jordy Nelson with Christian Kirk, proving again that free agency shapes the draft.

Carson Wentz 2.0

Mock Draft 1.0 (Ginger King)

Is your bracket busted yet?  A 16 beating a 1?  I thought that would NEVER happen.  Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to focus on what’s really important.  The NFL Draft.  First, let’s start with some fan mail (we get so much, it’s hard to keep up, but don’t worry, we’ll respond to all of you).

[BRSM follower]:  Hey, aren’t you guys a little late to the draft party?  I’ve seen tons of mock drafts already.  How come you guys haven’t put one out yet?  Kiper already has, like, 20 out.  What’s wrong with you guys?

[Response]:  While we appreciate the mock draft enthusiasm, mock drafts before free agency are absolute horseshit.  My kids don’t know their street address but they do know this:  Free agency shapes the draft.  Period.  How many mock drafts did you see with Denver taking a quarterback?  A lot.  You think that’s happening now that they just signed Case Keenum?  The Browns just signed Carlos Hyde and are paying him starting RB money.  You think they’re going to draft Saquon #1 overall?  No, but damn if he slips to #4 they should.

And LOL at that Kiper shit.  Our streak of more first round picks right than Kiper (and McShay) is guaranteed to continue.  Just like a 1 beating a 16…

Anyway, here’s my Top 10…just the tip for now…it costs extra to see my full mock (believe me, my full mock is HUGE.  The best.).  Anyway, enjoy St. Patrick’s Day (amateur hour) and make sure to celebrate it the right way (blind drunk).  As soon as Roid Rage gets out of his Leprechaun costume, he’ll post his Top 10.

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Sam Darnold (USC) QB
2 New York Giants Saquon Barkley (PSU) RB
3 New York Jets Josh Rosen (UCLA) QB
4 Cleveland Browns Denzel Ward (OSU) CB
5 Denver Broncos Quenton Nelson (Notre Dame) OL
6 Indianapolis Colts Bradley Chubb (NC State) DE
7 Tampa Bay Bucs Calvin Ridley (Alabama) WR
8 Chicago Bears Trumaine Edmunds (VA Tech) LB
9 San Francisco 49ers Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) CB
10 Oakland Raiders Roquan Smith (Georgia) LB

Replace palm trees with vacant, industrial buildings. Welcome to Cleveland, Sam!

 

Instant Analysis:  Yes, Cleveland needs (another) quarterback.  Since they also have the #4 pick, they could go another direction with their first pick (Saquon Barkley, Bradley Chubb) and then take whichever quarterback is there at 4.  Sounds good in theory.  However, you do not want to leave the quarterback position up to chance, especially not when you have the chance to pick whomever you want without worrying about what others are doing.  As I’m writing this, the Jets just traded up to #3.  That pick is guaranteed to be a quarterback.  No way Cleveland let’s anyone pick a qb before them.  Bet the house this pick is qb.  My money’s on Darnold.  He’s the most polished, pro-ready quarterback.

Also, this Top 10 assumes no trades.  No way that’s going to happen.  There’s an arms race brewing…teams, cough…Buffalo…cough, are trying to position themselves to get one of the Top 3 quarterbacks.  Some other teams are lurking (Miami, Arizona) that may try to make a move.  As many as 4 quarterbacks could go in the first 10 picks (yes, we’ll laugh at whatever sucker trades up for Johnny Football 2.0…I mean, Baker Mayfield).  That’s going to make for some exciting trades come draft night.  But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Best. Combine. Ever.

Rounding out the rest of the Top 10, the Giants stay put and take Saquon Barkley, whom many believe is the best player in the draft.  The Giants are pretty vanilla when it comes to trades, especially in the first round.  I don’t see them moving from 2, unless someone really wows them.  I’m talking multiple first round picks (this year and next year).  I’m looking at you, Buffalo!

Power + speed = Instant star

If the Colts can still land Bradley Chubb at 6 (and collect a bunch of picks from the Jets) that will be a draft day steal.  It’s a pretty big gamble…however offense is going to rule the first few picks in this draft, so it may just pan out.

Tuesday Teabag, November 28, 2017 – New York Giants

A sad day for Big Blue.

We know, we know.  It’s been awhile since we’ve posted.  You could chalk it up to the general football apathy that is barely sweeping the country, or The Machine’s first two picks in our fantasy draft (Odell Beckham and Zeke Elliott) casting a dark cloud over this season (still gonna make the playoffs in that league though, thanks to some savage waiver wire pickups that we arguably should’ve been passing on to you…thanks again, Alvin Kamara).

Whatever the reason, at approximately 3:32 pm today, The Machine got woke, when we saw the following headlines (followed by an onslaught of texts and tears):  New York Giants Bench Eli Manning; Geno Smith to Start on Sunday.  Oh, we’re woke AF now.

Are you fucking kidding me?  Bench Eli?  Make no mistake:  The Giant’s season has been an absolute shit show.  At 2-9, they are going nowhere.  But Eli Manning is the last player on that team to blame.  This is nothing more than a desperate move by a head coach and GM to save their jobs, and improve their chances at a higher draft pick (we’ll get to the draft in a second).  Think about it:  You’re telling me that Geno Smith gives you the best chance to win on Sunday, over Eli Manning, two-time Super Bowl winner and two-time Super Bowl MVP?  Geno Smith, the same guy that got his jaw broken by his own teammate?  And I thought the Bills decision to bench Tyrod was dumb (and it was).  This is far worse, and will go down as one of the worst decisions after made on a football field.

Hey Ben, thanks for taking the heat off me, brah! #billsmafia

Don’t be fooled.  The Giants (and ownership is in on this too) are making Eli the scapegoat.  They’re throwing him under the bus because they know they can.  Because Eli is too humble and good-natured to play dirty and tell them to fuck off.  They want you to believe it’s an aging Eli that caused this season to collapse.  But that’s total bullshit.  The reason this season (and next season) will collapse, and the reason the Giants have missed the playoffs 5 out of the last 6 years, is because of an organizational failure to draft players and build a team.

There’s blood on all your hands.

The Giants have wasted the last 5 years of Eli’s career, while he’s done nothing but go out there every day, without complaint, and do his job.  The Giants should build this team around him.  Literally.  He is, at best, a severely immobile quarterback.  You’d think then, that the smart/right/glaringly fucking obvious thing to do would be to build an offensive line that would protect him.  Give him that pocket, and time, he needs to throw, and be able to run block to keep defenses honest.  You build your team (and offense line) in the draft, and, when done right, it gives your offense the foundation to succeed (see Dallas Cowboys).  And this is where the Giants front office has failed miserably.

The core of any team should be guys in years 4 through 7.  Players that have played through their rookie contract and are rounding into their primes.  That’s how championship teams are built.  Draft first, then supplement as needed through free agency.  Anyway, let’s look and see how the “core” of the Giants are doing.  Between 2010 and 2013, the Giants drafted a total of 29 players.  Care to guess how many of those players are still on the team?  2.  Yes, two, and one of them has a lobster claw for a hand.  Seriously, here they are:

2010 – 1 (JPP)

2011 – 0

2012 – 0

2013 – 1 (Pugh)

That’s it.  What should be the core of this team is non-existent.  Jerry Reese and co. failed time after time.  Several of those players aren’t even in the league anymore.  The only constant during this time, and the prior 210 games, has been Eli Manning.  Dependable, tough, professional.  He gave the Giants constant stability at the most important position.  He has started every single game since his career began in 2004, second only to Brett Farve in most consecutive starts.  And he delivered (twice) on the largest stage, beating the unbeatable Patriots (twice).

How soon we forget.

Many people try to discredit Eli’s contributions to those Super Bowl winning teams, pointing to how great the defenses were, or how “lucky” Eli got.  That’s all revisionist history.  Don’t forget:  the Giants were double digit underdogs in both those Super Bowls.  Their defense was good, but not great, and sorry, luck may get you one Super Bowl, but it ain’t getting you two.  Eli stepped up his game when it mattered most.

Captain Clutch.

Perhaps the best quality about him is his unassuming nature, and unflappable resolve.  Could you imagine if the Giants didn’t make the trade to get Eli in 2004, and instead stayed with Phillip Rivers?  Do you think for a second Rivers would survive in New York?  Under the constant pressure in the biggest market?  Puh-lease.  Rivers barely withstood the “tough” San Diego journalists, while throwing tantrums on the sidelines and shit-talking the other team.  Eli?  Not a chance.  He always rose above the pettiness.  Never got too high when things were good, and never got too low when things were bad.  That’s what you want from your starting quarterback.

Point is: you don’t do this to someone like Eli Manning.  If you’re going to move on from him, you do it with the same dignity and grace that he gave you his entire career.  Wait until the season’s over, and then mutually part ways.  Apparently, McAdoo offered Eli the chance to start, and then get replaced, in order to keep the streak alive.  Manning declined, saying, “My feeling is that if you are going to play the other guys, play them.  Starting just to keep the streak going and knowing you won’t finish the game and have a chance to win it is pointless to me, and it tarnishes the streak.”  Class act.

This is just a complete slap in the face.  Clearly, Geno Smith is not the future of this franchise, so why do this now?  It makes absolutely no sense.  It has completely enraged the fan base.  It has completely enraged former players.  People are calling for McAdoo (and Reese, who honestly should’ve been let go when Tom Coughlin was unceremoniously shown the door) to get fired, but I’m here to tell you that McAdoo won’t get fired.  Reese, on the other hand, should get the boot.  He can no longer live on the fumes of his one good draft (’07).  And drafting Odell Beckham means squat if no one has time to throw him the ball.

This kid’s definitely getting his ass kicked at school tomorrow.  That’s on you too.

So with the entire fanbase up in arms, former players upset, and Mike Francesa definitely pissed, how is it possible that McAdoo stays?  He just benched the greatest New York Giant of all time (not named LT).  Of course he’s going to get fired…unless [affixes tinfoil hat] he did this to save his job.  Here me out.  Obviously, this decision wasn’t made without input from the Mara family.  Parting with Eli was bound to happen, and it was always going to be somewhat messy.  So what if ownership found a way to make this unpopular decision without taking any blame.  What if they told McAdoo that, we’ll keep you around for next year, but you have to take the heat for getting rid of Eli.  That can’t be on us.  The tradeoff is you get to keep your multi-million dollar job, and if you do well next year, the fickle fans will let bygones be bygones.

And let’s be honest, as much as I hate to type it:  Eli’s played his last game for the Giants.  There’s no way to come back from this.  The Giants are now officially in Suck for Sam mode, and whatever qb they select with their (likely) top 3 pick is going to start immediately, or they’ll have some schlep start (ahem, Geno Smith), who will be pulled for the new guy.  Eli should waive his no trade clause and head south to Jacksonville (darkhorse:  Denver) and finish out his career with Tom Coughlin.  Two guys with class, dignity, and two Super Bowl rings.

As for the Giants, they just kicked a Hall of Fame quarterback (don’t even try to debate me on that shit) to the curb.  For Geno Smith.  They get exactly what they deserve.

Enjoy your teabag.

The Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game (2017 ed.)

Cheers!Can’t make it to The Machine’s Draft Day Party?  Well, that sucks for you.  But have no fear…we got your back.  “How can I make the Draft better?”, you ask yourself in amazement.  By playing The Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game.  It’s fun, it’s easy, guaranteed to impress the ladies, and you can play at home or at your favorite watering hole.  Here are the rules:

1.  Draft catchphrases.  There are certain phrases you only hear during the Draft.  Why?  We don’t know, but we love them.  For this reason alone, we give ESPN the slight lean over the NFL Network for your draft day coverage.  That, and, Kiper.  Duh, winning!

The following phrases are worth a shot of beer:

  • Raw talent
  • Off-the-field or character issues
  • Live arm
  • High motor
  • Straight line speed
  • Great Value
  • Upside
  • Best player available
  • Intangibles or Measurables
  • Trade Down
  • War Room
  • New Regime
  • Read-Option
  • Edge Rusher
  • Gets to the Second Level
  • Quick feet
  • Plays in Space
  • Advanced Stats

New for 2017:

  • Dual threat
  • System quarterback
  • Pocket presence
  • Plays in the box (hey oh!)

2.  Videos/references.  Each of these are beer-finishing worthy:

  • Reference to Mel’s hair
  • Player on-stage photo-op with family/entourage of 15+
  • Reference to Cleveland Browns front office ineptitude
  • First shot of Drew Rosenhaus in his newest client’s living room
  • First player to cry when their name is called
  • Reference to when Tom Brady was drafted (we’ll also accept Brady’s Combine picture)
  • Reference to Aaron Rodgers draft day slide
  • Video of Brady Quinn in the green room
  • Video of Bill Tobin’s infamous “who the hell is Mel Kiper?” interview during the ’94 Draft
  • And this:

3.  On the Clock Chug.  When your team is on the clock, you have to finish a full beer before the pick is called.  Note:  if your team trades down, they’re on the clock twice, meaning that’s two full beers.  Cowboy up, it’s the Draft!

Basically, if it doesn’t look like this than you’re probably doing it wrong…..

Beer Chug

Or this:

Beer Chug 2

FINAL MOCK DRAFT (GINGER KING)

Here.  We.  Go.

The final mock.  After weeks (ok months) of “research” (defined to include watching an endless supply of college game tape with fistfuls of chicken wings and buckets of Coors Light) it’s time to put our “knowledge” to work.  So many questions heading into the Draft, so many rumors flying around; it’s hard to decipher what’s legit and what’s bullshit.  But that’s why we’re here.

The question on everyone’s mind:  Will Ginger King and Roid Rage continue their streak of more correct First Round picks than Kiper and McShay?  Ginger please, we got this locked down.  Anyway, on to the final mock.

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Myles Garrett (Texas A&M) DE
2 San Francisco Solomon Thomas (Stanford) DE
3 Chicago Bears Jamal Adams (LSU) S
4 Jacksonville Jaguars Leonard Fournette (LSU) RB

Leonard has “Tom Coughlin guy” written all over him.

5 Tennessee Titans O.J. Howard (Alabama) TE
6 NY Jets Jonathon Allen (Alabama) DE
7 Los Angeles Chargers Mike Williams (Clemson) WR
8 Carolina Panthers Christian McCaffrey (Stanford) RB
9 Cincinnati Bengals Derek Barnett (Tennessee) DE
10 Buffalo Bills Marshon Lattimore (OSU) CB
11 New Orleans Saints Taco Charlton (Michigan) DE
12 Cleveland Browns Mitchell Trubisky (UNC) QB

[looks in mirror]
Cleveland is where I want to be.
Cleveland is where I want to be.
Cleveland is where I want to be.

13 Arizona Cardinals Patrick Mahomes (Texas Tech) QB
14 Philadelphia Eagles Gareon Conley (OSU) CB
15 Indianapolis Colts Malik Hooker (OSU) S
16 Baltimore Ravens Corey Davis (Western Michigan) WR
17 Washington Redskins Reuben Foster (Alabama) LB
18 Tennessee Titans Haasan Reddick (Temple) LB
19 Tampa Bay Bucs Dalvin Cook (FSU) RB
20 Denver Broncos Ryan Ramcyk (Wisconsin) OL
21 Detroit Lions David Njoku (Miami) TE
22 Miami Dolphins Zach Cunningham (Vanderbilt) LB
23 New York Giants Garett Bolles (Utah) OL

Big Blue Mauler.

24 Oakland Raiders Jarad Davis (Florida) LB
25 Houston Texans Cam Robinson (Alabama) OL
26 Seattle Seahawks Kevin King (Washington) CB
27 Kansas City Chiefs Marlon Humphrey (Alabama) CB
28 Dallas Cowboys Adoree Jackson (USC) CB
29 Green Bay Packers TJ Watt (Wisconsin) LB
30 Pittsburgh Steelers Jabrill Peppers (Michigan) S
31 Atlanta Falcons Charles Harris (Missouri) LB
32 New Orleans Saints John Ross (Washington) WR

Instant Analysis:  Obviously, this is not how the First Round will shake out, as trades will throw everything off…and we think there will be a lot of trades.  Potentially starting at #2 with the Niners.  I also think another team looking to trade down is Tennessee at 5.  I think there’s no way the Browns come out of the First Round without Myles Garrett and Mitchell Trubisky.  I think the Browns will take Myles at #1, and then find a way to climb back into the Top 10.  Perfect trade would be with the Titans.  Keep your eye on that.

Another trading spot will be the end of the First Round.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see a team at the top of Round 2 (say, Chicago or Cleveland if they somehow managed to screw up and not get Trubisky) trade into the bottom of the First Round to grab a quarterback.  But why would they do that?  Simple.  All draft picks are required to sign a 4 year contract…but only First Round picks have a team option for a fifth year.  If you feel that there’s a player out there (usually a qb) that you’re in love with, it’s better to draft them in the bottom of the first than the top of the second.  If you’re right (and let’s be honest, all GMs think they’re right), you get them for an extra year at a good price.  If you’re wrong, well then you won’t be around to not exercise the option.  Win-win.

Elsewhere, I’ve had Njoku to the Giants forever, and for my own selfish reasons I hope he ends up there.  But the Giants have a terrible time keeping their picks a secret.  There’s either a front office leak, or someone like to hit the “reply all” button on emails, but there have been multiple drafts where teams have traded up ahead of the Giants to draft the player they really want.  In 2012, the Bucs traded up to get Doug Martin.  Last year, the Titans and the Bears traded up to get ahead of the Giants to draft Jack Conklin and Leonard Floyd, respectively, the Giant’s top 2 coveted players.  This year, I think the G-Men are in love with Njoku and (dark horse) Zach Cunningham.  I know they haven’t drafted a first round linebacker in 30+ years but that doesn’t mean they haven’t tried (see Floyd, Leonard).  I think they lose out on both of them this year and “settle” for Bolles, which isn’t much of a settle, seeing as how he would immediately compete for the left tackle position.

Big question is how much will “character concerns” affect draft status?  There are a handful of first round talent players – Jabrill Peppers, Reuben Foster, Gareon Conley, Joe Mixon, etc.  I still think that Mixon doesn’t get drafted tonight, because…um, that video.  But the others?  I don’t think it affects them that much.  That reminds me:  Hey rookies, change your social media passwords today.  You don’t want this to appear around 7:45 pm tonight:

Still a first round pick.

Mock Draft 4.0 (Ginger King)

One week to go!  Big risers (Christian McCaffrey) and fallers (Reuben Foster) this week as the Draft starts to pan out a little.  This is about the time where teams use some serious misdirection and smokescreens.  If you’re hearing for the first time this week that Team X is in love with Y player, it’s probably not true.  Teams are always playing this game of inflating players, or critiquing players, in the hopes that the real player they want will fall to them.

Also, Roid Rage finally stopped watching April baseball (it doesn’t matter bruh, check back in 5 months) and posted his first mock.  He brought in some heavy hitters (pun intended) and bold moves.  Go check it out.  But first, check out what Ginger King has in store for you.

Round 1 Team Pick Position
1 Cleveland Browns Myles Garrett (Texas A&M) DE
2 San Francisco Solomon Thomas (Stanford) DE
3 Chicago Bears Jamal Adams (LSU) S
4 Jacksonville Jaguars Leonard Fournette (LSU) RB
5 Tennessee Titans O.J. Howard (Alabama) TE
6 NY Jets Malik Hooker (OSU) S
7 Los Angeles Chargers Mike Williams (Clemson) WR
8 Carolina Panthers Christian McCaffrey (Stanford) RB
9 Cincinnati Bengals Jonathon Allen (Alabama) DE
10 Buffalo Bills Mitchell Trubisky (UNC) QB

Hey, it could be worse. You could be in Cleveland.

11 New Orleans Saints Derek Barnett (Tennessee) DE
12 Cleveland Browns Corey Davis (Western Michigan) WR
13 Arizona Cardinals John Ross (Washington) WR
14 Philadelphia Eagles Marshon Lattimore (OSU) CB
15 Indianapolis Colts Taco Charlton (Michigan) DE
16 Baltimore Ravens Marlon Humphrey (Alabama) CB
17 Washington Redskins Jabrill Peppers (Michigan) S
18 Tennessee Titans Gareon Conley (OSU) CB
19 Tampa Bay Bucs Dalvin Cook (FSU) RB
20 Denver Broncos Ryan Ramcyk (Wisconsin) OL
21 Detroit Lions Haasan Reddick (Temple) DE
22 Miami Dolphins Zach Cunningham (Vanderbilt) LB
23 New York Giants David Njoku (Miami) TE

A real dual threat athlete.

24 Oakland Raiders Caleb Brantley (Florida) DT
25 Houston Texans Patrick Mahomes (Texas Tech) QB
26 Seattle Seahawks Garett Bolles (Utah) OL
27 Kansas City Chiefs Tra’Davious White (LSU) CB
28 Dallas Cowboys Adoree Jackson (USC) CB
29 Green Bay Packers Jarad Davis (Florida) LB
30 Pittsburgh Steelers Reuben Foster (Alabama) LB
31 Atlanta Falcons Charles Harris (Missouri) LB
32 New Orleans Saints Cam Robinson (Alabama) OL

Instant Anlaysis:  The Browns don’t get so lucky this time…as Western New York’s America’s team, the Buffalo Bills, make a splash and get their (next) quarterback of the future (wait, isn’t Jim Kelly’s nephew in this Draft?)  Anyway, Mitchell to the Bills makes sense.  Tyrod’s essentially on a one year deal, and Mitchell really could use a year on the sidelines to learn the NFL way (he’s not a ready-made pro-product like Andrew Luck or Cam Newton).  Plus, Tyrod and Mitchell have similar playing-styles.  Mitchell is not a pure pocket passer…he ran for 5 tds last season and played mostly out of the shotgun.  Learning from Tyrod for a year is the smart and practical thing to do. [checks Bills coaching roster to make sure the Ryan brothers are not there].  This could totally happen.

Turning to the real New York team, I can’t really envision a scenario where they don’t pick Njoku if he’s available.  Let’s get real for a second.  This pick is going to be offense.  The Giants are returning 10 of 11 starters on defense, and their problems last year were on the offensive side, with a rotating cast of linemen and I almost had them take Garrett Bolles, but there’s no real clear-cut can’t miss offensive lineman this years.  There’s a lot of flyers, and you don’t want to spend a first-round pick on a flyer.  That’s why I think the Giants will wait until later in the draft to select a lineman, maybe someone like Tayler Moton.  The beauty of Njoku (or Howard but I don’t really see him falling that far or the Giants trading up) is that he provides both offensive line support plus a receiving threat.  This 2 for 1 helps to solve the Giant’s biggest need.

Biggest winner is Christian McCaffrey, who vaults into the Top 10.  I’ve heard a lot of rumors about this is the pick for Carolina, and I’m starting to buy it.  Would improve both the running and passing game.  Cam needs weapons, both receiving and running.  The only concern is durability and is he a three-down player.  But the talent may be too much to pass up.

Elsewhere, Rueben Foster and his diluted urine sample continue to fall.  This latest news, coupled with being asked to leave the Combine for arguing with a hospital worker (true story), might move him out of the first round altogether.