FINAL MOCK DRAFT
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Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game
Can’t make it to Ginger King’s Draft Day Party? Well, that sucks for you. But have no fear: we got your back. “How can I make the Draft better?”, you ask yourself in amazement. By playing The Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game. It’s fun, it’s easy, guaranteed to impress the ladies, and you can play at home or at your favorite watering hole. Here are the rules:
1. Draft catchphrases. There are certain phrases you only hear during the Draft. Why? We don’t know, but we love them. For this reason alone, we give ESPN the slight lean over the NFL Network for your Draft Day coverage. That, and, Kiper. Duh, winning!
The following phrases are worth of a shot of beer (Note: You’re going to hear these phrases about 40 times per round. Trust me, a swig of beer per phrase is enough, unless you want to be asleep by pick 13):
- Arm candy (*new for 2025)
- Generational talent
- Red flag/Character issues
- Live arm
- High motor
- Straight line speed
- Great Value/Upside
- Dual threat
- System quarterback
- Pocket presence
- Best player available
- Intangibles or Measurables
- War Room
- New Regime
- Gets to the Second Level
- Quick feet
- Silky hips
- Thick frame
- Plays in the box (hey oh!)
- Backside protector (hey oh!)
2. Videos/references. Each of these are beer-finishing worthy:
- Reference to Mel’s hair
- Any player to lift Goodell off the ground in their onstage Draft embrace
- First shot of Drew Rosenhaus in his newest client’s living room
- First player to cry when their name is called
- Anytime a Make-a-Wish kid announces a pick
- Reference to Aaron Rodgers draft day slide
- Video of Bill Tobin’s infamous “who the hell is Mel Kiper?” interview during the ’94 Draft
- And this:
3. On the Clock Chug. When your team is on the clock, you have to do a shot of Jim Beam and/or chug a full beer before the pick is called. Note (and this is important): if your team trades down, they’re on the clock twice, meaning two beamers/beers. Cowboy up, it’s the Draft!
Basically, if it doesn’t look like this:
Or this:
you’re doing it wrong!
Take your Draft day experience to the max! Good luck.
Mock Draft 4.0 (Ginger King)
We still got time to squeeze in one more mock before our FINAL FINAL mock draft. This one’s a bit spicy.
Top 4 are a lock (barring an offer you can’t refuse). Lot of chatter about some teams (New Orleans, Chicago, Dallas) looking to jump ahead of the Raiders to get Jeanty. They may have to jump even higher, as Jacksonville has entered the Ashton Jeanty sweepstakes. Also, the Shedeur Slide continues…
Walter Nolan is one of the fastest rising players in the draft. Look for him to go early. If so, that’s going to push other linemen up the board (like Derrick Harmon). Omarion Hampton is also another riser. I think his floor is Denver. The Shedeur Slide continues…
The Shedeur Slide ends, as Pittsburgh drafts its next qb of the future. What’s this? A third running back in the first round? I thought running backs didn’t matter? Don’t be surprised if you hear TreVeyon’s name called on Thursday. Also, the run on linemen is going to result in some great value at the end of the first. Kansas City would be over the moon if Colson Loveland fell to them at 31.
We’ll be checking the airwaves all day today, in preparation for our final mock.
Mock Draft 3.0 (Ginger King)
We are less than one week away from the Show! We are in full blown smokescreen season, as teams finalize their interviews and workouts with players, and PR teams are in overdrive feeding (mostly inaccurate) information into the world (read: Twitter) to be gobbled up by willing suckers (me) who will overanalyze every piece of information in an attempt to find out the truth. If you look hard enough, you too will understand that the earth is flat, the moon landing is fake, and Stevie Wonder can see (that one is true). Anyway, let’s take a look at the board:
I feel pretty good about the top half of this mock, especially if Cleveland takes Hunter. The Giants, Pats, and Jags will walk up together and make their picks. I also like Jeanty to the Raiders. The Shedeur Slide continues to top the charts. With the recent news that Shedeur and co. will not be attending the Draft, I think they know the Shedeur Slide is real, and the last thing Deion wants is his son to be Geno Smithed at the Draft.
Big changes here. The Niners are a hard team to pin down. They really could go a number of directions. The wise choice is to pair Bosa up with a stud Edge, and Shemar Stewart fits that role. For the first time, Tetairoa McMillan is not the first receiver taken, as the Cowboys value speed over size, and stay in-state and draft Matthew Golden, who had the fastest 40 time at the Combine for receivers with a blazing 4.29. If Will Johnson didn’t have injury issues, he’d be a no-brainer Top 10 pick. Great size (sometimes it matters) and instincts. Problem is he missed the second half of the season last year to a foot injury. He’s worth the risk to anyone picking in the middle to back half of the first round.
I do think Jaxson Dart sneaks into the first round. If he gets by Pittsburgh, some teams may try trading back into the First Round. If not, a great landing place is in Los Angeles, where he can sit behind and learn from Matthew Stafford, and not be forced into playing right away. Elsewhere, Maxwell Hairston is flying up draft boards. He ran the fastest 40 at the Combine (4.28), and what he lacks in height he more than makes up with speed and wing span. 6 ints (3 pick 6s) in his last 20 games. Buffalo needs secondary help to keep up with the improving corps of receivers in the AFC East, including Garrett Wilson, Tyreek Hill, and western New York’s favorite Stefon Diggs.
Don’t worry, we’re not done mocking yet. There’s still plenty more internet to search. We’ll be updating our mocks accordingly, as well as connecting the dots between the Illuminati and the Kennedys.
Mock Draft 2.0 (Ginger King)
Alright we’re back with an updated mock. Lot of changes to discuss. Let’s go!
Cam Ward is locked in at 1, so we’ll stop talking about that. However, after that it’s anyone’s guess. A lot of chatter has Cleveland enamored with Travis Hunter, but I think the prospect of Myles Garrett and Abdul Carter is too much to pass up. The Giants will be fun with Travis Hunter on their team. Hey, if you’re going lose a bunch of games, you may as well have fun doing it. One thing we believe in: the new dance move that will be taking over the country by storm. It’s called the Shedeur Slide.
The Niners will look to go with firepower after losing Deebo. Pairing up Tyler Warren with George Kittle would be like the Pats with Gronk and Aaron Hernandez, minus the killing. Will Johnson at 13 is an absolute steal. Maybe not the Dolphins most pressing need, but too hard to pass up if he’s available.
The Jaxson Dart watch will start at 21. If Pittsburgh doesn’t draft him, it will take a team to trade back into the first round for him to get drafted. Luther Burden may be the most pro-ready receiver in the draft. Great speed and quickness. Can line up in the slot, on jet sweeps, or out wide. He would fit perfectly with the Rams. Speaking of fitting perfectly, Kenneth Grant to Buffalo goes together like wings and blue cheese (side note: if you order wings and they ask if you want blue cheese or ranch, do not order the wings and leave immediately. They know not what they do.). Anyway, Grant would be the run stuffing, line clogging presence Buffalo needs on the defensive line.
We’ll continue to monitor the airwaves. Check back later this week for an updated mock and a look at teams most likely to trade (up or down) in the first round.
Mock Draft 1.0 (Ginger King)
Welcome home, friends. It’s been a while. Many of you have been asking where we’ve been, and why haven’t we been posting mock drafts. The real ones know the answer:
Mock Drafts are like a fine wine. If you like box wine from the cupboard, then I’m not surprised you’ve been pouring over mock drafts for the past month. I’m also not surprised you wear socks with sandals and think cruises are a real way to travel. You’re probably an adult Disney person, too.
No, no, no, here at the Big Red Sports Machine, our mock drafts are for the more sophisticated palate. Like a Russian River pinot noir, our mock drafts have been specially curated, aged to perfection, and given time to ripen. The mouth feel is incredible. Anyway, let’s open a bottle of the good stuff and dig in. Again, we’ve used the NFL Mock Draft Database as our mock draft simulator. Give it a spin.
Remember EVERYONE picking Carter to the Titans? Guess what happened? Free agency. The Titans did nothing to improve their quarterback situation, and have Capt. Mayonnaise as their current QB1. Cleveland’s QB room consists of Kenny Pickett and a massage table. They have to go quarterback, even if it means letting Deion call the plays (buckle up, Browns fans). If Abdul Carter is sitting there at 3, the ghost of Micha Parsons will be too much to ignore for the Giants. Also, here this: Ashton Jeanty is a Top 10 pick. Apparently, running backs matter again. His floor is the Saints at 9.
Tetairoa McMillan is the best receiver in the Draft (check out the tape). Pairing him up with CeeDee Lamb in Dallas would create a solid 1-2 punch. Another name to look out for is Tyler Warren, this year’s Brock Bowers. Edge rushers will also be a popular pick in the first half of the draft. I think as many as 7 could go in the first round.
A lot of buzz is around Jaxson Dart. Many say he will find his way into the first round. I’m not entirely sold, but if you’re going to reach for someone at the end of the first round, it may as well be a quarterback so you can have the 5th year option. Pittsburgh is an absolute mess at qb. They are about to hitch themselves to the Ayahuasca Train. That’s not exactly a good long term solution. The end of the first round features “the Haves”: teams that are good and not desperate at any one position, and can use the draft to plug holes from players lost in free agency. The Texans should come out of the first round with an offensive lineman. This will help soften the blow from losing Laremy Tunsil. Also, if Buffalo has a weakness (besides Labatts Blue Light and Fireball), it’s on the defensive line. They need to give Ed Oliver a true running mate. Kenneth Grant would be a great fit (if he makes it that far). If not, Derrick Harmon is a good fall back option. Tough and athletic, and will help to shore up the interior line.
Now that we’ve uncorked the first mock and put it in the decanter, we’ll be updating every week or so until the big day. So check back to get the latest.
FINAL MOCK DRAFT!!!
Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game
Can’t make it to Ginger King’s Draft Day Party? Well, that sucks for you. But have no fear: we got your back. “How can I make the Draft better?”, you ask yourself in amazement. By playing The Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game. It’s fun, it’s easy, guaranteed to impress the ladies, and you can play at home or at your favorite watering hole. Here are the rules:
1. Draft catchphrases. There are certain phrases you only hear during the Draft. Why? We don’t know, but we love them. For this reason alone, we give ESPN the slight lean over the NFL Network for your Draft Day coverage. That, and, Kiper. Duh, winning!
The following phrases are worth of a shot of beer (Note: You’re going to hear these phrases about 40 times per round. Trust me, a swig of beer per phrase is enough, unless you want to be asleep by pick 13):
- Grinder/gritty (*new for 2024)
- S2 Cognition Test/Wonderlic
- Arm talent or generational talent
- Red flag
- Blue collar/lunch pail guy
- Live arm
- High motor
- Straight line speed
- Great Value/Upside
- Dual threat
- System quarterback
- Pocket presence
- Best player available
- Intangibles or Measurables
- War Room
- New Regime
- Edge Rusher
- Gets to the Second Level
- Quick feet
- Plays in Space/Plays in a phone booth
- Silky hips
- Thick frame
- Plays in the box (hey oh!)
- Backside protector (hey oh!)
2. Videos/references. Each of these are beer-finishing worthy:
- Reference to Mel’s hair
- Any player to lift Goodell off the ground in their onstage Draft embrace
- First shot of Drew Rosenhaus in his newest client’s living room
- First player to cry when their name is called
- Anytime a Make-a-Wish kid announces a pick
- Reference to Aaron Rodgers draft day slide
- Video of Bill Tobin’s infamous “who the hell is Mel Kiper?” interview during the ’94 Draft
- And this:
3. On the Clock Chug. When your team is on the clock, you have to do a shot of Jim Beam of chug a full beer before the pick is called. Note (and this is important): if your team trades down, they’re on the clock twice, meaning two beamers/beers. Cowboy up, it’s the Draft!
Basically, if it doesn’t look like this:
Or this:
you’re doing it wrong!
Take your Draft day experience to the max! Good luck.
Mock Draft 3.0 (Ginger King)
Alright, alright, alright. We’re two days away from the Big Show! This is our penultimate mock (for Cowboys fans that means second to last). Let’s get to the action.
I’m pretty convinced on the Top 4 staying that way come Thursday, assuming no trades. The real movement starts at 5. The Chargers could definitely use OL help, but Nabers’ talent may be too hard to pass up. Giants “settle” with Rome Odunze. His numbers are great but he didn’t face consistently good competition (cue: east coast bias). When he finally played a big boy school (Michigan) he was absolutely man-handled and created zero separation. Elsewhere, Byron Murphy is making a late push to be the first defensive player taken.
Welcome to the first round, Michael Penix, Jr. There are some strong rumors that the Raiders are in love with Penix. Unless they find a way to trade back into the first round, if you’re that convinced he’s your guy, take him at lucky number 13.
Offensive should rule the first half to two-thirds of the draft. That means a lot of good defensive guys should be around at the end of the first. If you’re Buffalo, and someone like Jared Verse, Kool-Aid McKinstry (top 5 name), or Jer’Zhan Newton are there, would you forget about your receiver needs and draft the best player available? I think the biggest beneficiaries of the offensive-heavy draft are the Lions and the 49ers.
Two more days! I really like how this draft is shaping up. Stay tuned for our final mock, plus our fan favorite Draft Day Drinking Game!
Mock Draft 2.0 (Ginger King)
We’re back with an updated mock. Lots of changes to discuss. Let’s dig in.
Big changes in the Top 10. With Nabers off the board, the Giants switch gears and grab J.J. McCarthy. There are some Giants fans (cough, me) who feel Daniel Jones should get another shot, that his 2023 campaign should be thrown out the window (6 games, 30 sacks), and that his 2022 season (leading the Giants to their first playoff win in a decade) is more reflective of who he is and who he can be. However, even yours truly can’t ignore the (every increasing) injury history, and Joe Schoen and co. may want to go full rebuild and draft their quarterback for the future (note: you never go full rebuild). Elsewhere, the Bears load up on offense and grab stud receiver Rome Odunze to pair with Caleb Williams.
I think Brock Bowers floor is to the Saints at 14. Also, you can bet a mortgage payment the Bengals, Rams, and Steelers go OT, DL, WR, each filling major positions of need. J.C. Latham would be a steal at 18.
Speaking of betting, you can bet a kidney the Bills will go receiver. The real question is: will they move up to get one? If they stay put at 28, Worthy seems like a worthy pick (sorry, I couldn’t resist). Ladd McConkey seems to fit the Chiefs mold for a gadget receiver.
Check back later this week as we focus on the teams most likely to trade up in Round 1.