NFL Draft Day 2 – Sloppy Seconds

NFL Draft

Wow, what a night!  And we (as well as all others playing along with The Machine’s Draft Day Drink-a-thon) remember most of it.  The Machine nailed some key draft picks…including picking Eric Fisher at #1.  We usually don’t gloat, but who had DJ Hayden at 12?  That’s right, this Ginger!

We’ll have a full recap of winners and losers when it’s all over, but for now let’s focus on who’s left.  There are quality players still on the Board.  Here’s our Top 10 list of Best Players Available. 

  1. Tank Carradine, DE Florida St.
  2. Arthur Brown, LB Kansas St.
  3. Jamar Taylor, CB, Boise St.
  4. Robert Woods, WR USC
  5. Jonathon Cyprien, S FIU
  6. Geno Smith, QB West Virginia
  7. Menelik Watson, OL Florida St.
  8. Jesse Williams, DT Alabama
  9. Manti Te’o, LB Notre Dame
  10. Eddie Lacy, RB Alabama

Happy Drafting!

Mock Draft (v 5.0) – Greg’s Final Mock

NFL Draft

This time, it’s for real!

The Final Mock is such a sacred thing (like your virginity) that Brian and I each had to have our own.  The big day is finally upon us!  Leave your comments below, and don’t forget to play along with The Machine’s Draft Day Drink-a-thon!  Now, on to our Final Mock, where we probably performed better than when we lost our virginity…

1

Kansas City Chiefs: Eric Fisher OL C. Michigan
Analysis:  Cutting Eric Winston and openly shopping Brandon Albert (reported deal with Miami to be in place during the Draft) make Eric a no brainer here.

2

Jacksonville Jaguars: Dion Jordan OLB Oregon
Analysis:  “Jags are a mess, and need help at every position”.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  They’d love the opportunity to trade down, but nobody is going to be willing to pay the premium.  Caldwell, Bradley and Khan (the Jaguar brain trust) are all onboard with this selection.

3

Oakland Raiders Star Lotulelei DT Utah
Analysis:  Oakland must draft a DT, their defensive line has been completely gutted.  I think it’s a toss up between Star and Floyd.  If they can’t trade back a few picks, they stay put and draft a stud DT in Star.

4

Philadelphia Eagles Ezikiel Ansah DE BYU
Analysis:  Uh oh, the Geno Smith slide begins.  Philly’s d-line, like da Raiders, has been decimated.  Shariff Floyd will get a look, but Ansah provides a little more quickness.  Expect a chorus of boos from Philly fans.

5

Detroit Lions Luke Joeckle OL Texas A&M
Analysis:  The Lions should run to the podium if Joeckle’s still here.  Losing Cherilus (free agency) and Backus (retirement) makes this a clear need.  The o-line needs to be bolstered.  Joeckle’s got the size, stregth, and athleticism to step in and protect Stafford’s blindside right away.

6

Cleveland Browns Dee Milliner CB Alabama
Analysis:  Anyone else think it’s a coincidence a story circulated right before the draft highlighting Dee’s medical issues?  We believe someone (*cough Jets*) is hoping the news will cause Dee to slide.  The Browns, however, aren’t buying it, and take the draft’s best cover corner.

7

Arizona Cardinals Lane Johnson OL OK
Analysis:  The drop off in OL is steep after Lane.  Arizona could be in a prime spot for a team looking to jump up and grab Lane.  They’d also be well-suited to have him on their team.

8

Buffalo Bills Tavon Austin WR West Virginia
Analysis:  The Bills are tough to figure out.  Despite the SU connection (and Geno still on the board) the Bills do not overspend and take a QB here.  Instead, they give the offense a different jolt.  Tavon will take pressure off Stevie Johnson and Fred Jackson/CJ.  Two problems solved with one guy.  Also, you heard it here:  Buffalo will trade to get back in to the first round (in the mid to late 20’s) to get their QB.

9

NY Jets Geno Smith QB West Virginia
Analysis:  This pick might actually get Jets fans to cheer, as it signals a clean break from the disaster that is Mark Sanchez.  Rex will also use this to buy himself another year of employment.

10

Tennessee Titans Shariff Floyd DT Florida
Analysis:  Hard to come up with a scenario where Floyd slips out of the Top 10; this is his floor.

11

San Diego Chargers Chance Warmack OG Alabama
Analysis:  Guards are typically underappreciated, but not this year, as there are two that could be gone in the first round.  Chargers might look to trade down (a theme for the evening) and target someone like DJ Fluker, but chance has a lot of upside.

12

Miami Dolphins D.J. Hayden CB Houston
Analysis:  Dolphins would love to jump up and grab one of the Top 3 OL.  If not, their next area of need is cornerback.  We’re buying the hype on D.J. Hayden.

13

New York Jets Barkevious Mingo DE LSU
Analysis: CB will get a look, but there are a lot of good CBs that should still be around in the 2nd Round.  This pick may also get Jets fans to cheer.

14

Carolina Panthers Sheldon Richardson DT Missouri
Analysis: DT is a huge need for the Panthers, and they’d love it if Richardson is still on the board.

15

New Orleans Saints Kenny Vaccaro S Texas
Analysis:  The Saints only have 5 picks, and no second round pick thanks to bounty gate.  Kill the head and the body will die.  Anywho, if they can’t trade down for more picks, the Saints are going to go Defense here.  Kenny would go a long way toward shoring up their secondary.

16

St. Louis Rams Jonathon Cooper OG North Carolina
Analysis:  Rams need to upgrade their OL.  Jake Long was a step in the right direction, but there’s more work to be done.

17

Pittsburgh Steelers Jarvis Jones OLB Georgia
Analysis:  Pittsburgh stays true to its board (and team philosophy) and addresses defense first.  With Harrison gone, this is looking more and more likely.  WR is an option, but (a) the Steelers don’t draft WRs in the first round and (b) keeping Emmanual Sanders makes this less of a need.

18

Dallas Cowboys Sylvester Williams DT North Carolina
Analysis:  Cowboys will either go OL or DL here.  They’d love it if Cooper fell to them, but if not, they’ll look to shore up the defensive line.

19

NY Giants Bjoern Werner DT Florida State
Analysis:  A Top 5 pick two months ago, Bjoern has slipped down the draft.  He did not help his cause at the Combine, which has likely contributed to his slide.  However, the tape on him is impressive.  Raw, athletic, albeit a little inexperienced.  None of that is a problem for the G-Men, who love taking those ingredients and creating a dominant DE (see:  JPP).

20

Chicago Bears Alec Ogletree ILB Georgia
Analysis:  We had Manti here last time around, but we came to our senses.  Ogletree is simply the better athlete, and fits Chicago’s scheme better.  He also doesn’t have a fake dead girlfriend.

21

Cincinnati Bengals Eric Reid S LSU
Analysis:  Athletic ball hawk.

22

St. Louis Rams DJ Fluker OL Alabama
Analysis:  Another offensive lineman?  How does that make sense?  First, have you ever seen Sam Bradford calmly drop back in the pocket?  Second, check out the Niners in 2010 (Anthony Davis at 11 and Mike Iupati at 17).  With Jake Long, Cooper, and Fluker, the Rams would instantly transform their line into one of the best in the league.

23

Minnesota Vikings Manti Te’o ILB Notre Dame
Analysis:  Even though Lennay had a bad experience on a class trip to Minneapolis, Manti makes sense for the Vikings.  That’s if they don’t trade down (we’re looking at you Buffalo).

24

Indianapolis Colts Tank Carradine DE Florida St.
Analysis: The Colts need to get young on the outside.  Freeney is gone and Robert Mathis is on the wrong side of 30.

25

Minnesota Vikings Cordarrelle Patterson WR Tennessee
Analysis:  Even with Jennings, the Vikes need more weapons for Ponder.

26

Green Bay Packers Margus Hunt DE SMU
Analysis:   Offense is not the issue with the Packers.  Their problems lie on the other side of the ball.  Re-signing Clay Mathews helps, and getting Margus would add some pressure and stability to the line.

27

Houston Texans Robert Woods WR USC
Analysis:  A pefect complement to Andre Johnson.  Woods has risen up draft boards and looks certain to go in the late first round.  Doesn’t have jaw dropping speed but catches everything his way and, having played in a pro-style offense at USC, is the most NFL-ready WR in the draft.

28

Denver Broncos Jamar Taylor CB Boise St.
Analysis:  Anyone see that playoff game, particularly the final 33 seconds of the fourth quarter?  Any questions?  Taylor has speed (4.32) and strength (22 reps) and hopefully enough knowledge to know that you don’t let the receiver get behind you for a game tying 70 yard touchdown pass with 30 seconds to go.

29

New England Patriots Xavier Rhodes CB Florida St.
Analysis:  Every year, it seems the Pats neglect the secondary.  This year is different, as the Pats strike early to address their defensive shortcomings.

30

Atlanta Falcons Desmond Trufant CB Washington
Analysis:  The Falcons will think long and hard about Tyler Eifert here, but with Gonzo re-signing and seemingly not slowing down, they focus on the secondary, where they have an immediate need.

31

San Francisco 49ers Jesse Williams DT Alabama
Analysis:  The fourth member of the Crimson Tide to go in the first round, the Niners know that defense, and not the read-option, is their ticket back to the Super Bowl.  Roll tide.

32

Baltimore Ravens John Cyprien S FIU
Analysis:  For defending Super Bowl Champions, the Ravens have a surprising number of holes to fill.  That will happen when your entire team takes their rings and runs.  Cyprien will help soften the blow from losing Ed Reed.  Arthur Brown will get a look here too, as LB is an option.  The Ravens thought they had that solved with Rolando McClain, but since that dude loves getting arrested, who knows if he’ll even suit up for them.

Mock Draft (v5.0) – Brian’s Final

NFL Draft

Lock and load………..

1

Kansas City Chiefs: Luke Joeckel OL Texas A&M
Analysis:  The Chiefs have been locked into this pick for some time now as evident with the release of starting RT Eric Winston and the impending trade of LT Brandon Albert.

2

Jacksonville Jaguars: Dion Jordan OLB Oregon
Analysis:  The Jaguar’s and Raider’s both have wily football guys calling the shots these days and they’ve put their best foot forward in creating a trade-up market for Eric Fisher.  Not going to happen at #2.  The Jags grab perhaps the most versatile defender in this draft.

3

Oakland Raiders Eric Fisher OT C. Michigan
Analysis:  I think McKenzie gets the Lions to trade-up two spots (similar to Minnesota/Cleveland with Trent Richardson last year) to secure the rights to Fisher.

4

Philadelphia Eagles Barkevious Mingo DE LSU
Analysis:  First of all, Chip Kelly is calling the shots here.  And Chip is so confident…cough, arrogant, cough…that his offensive system is superior to anything the NFL has ever seen that his only concern is building a shutdown defense.  They go defensive heavy in this draft; here they grab an explosive edge defender.

5

Detroit Lions Star Lotulelei DT Utah
Analysis:  Again, this would be the Raiders selection.  They need help just about every where.  But they start with a Haloti Ngata type of player.

6

Cleveland Browns Geno Smith QB WVU
Analysis:  Lombardi is a firm believer in positional value and no position on the football field has more value than the QB.  I have to believe Rob Chudzinski sees a little bit of Cam Newton in Smith’s game.

7

Arizona Cardinals Lane Johnson OT Oklahoma
Analysis:  Biggest need for the Cardinals.  Although only starting 11 games at LT, Johnson is ridiculously athletic and offers emmense upside.

8

Buffalo Bills Ryan Nassib QB Syracuse
Analysis:  I’m totally buying the Syracuse connection here.  New regimes equal new QBs.  Marrone knows Nassib better than any talent evaluator in the NFL.

9

NY Jets Ezekiel Ansah DE BYU
Analysis:  This kid had gobs of potential.  Rex gets his passer rusher.

10

Tennessee Titans Dee Milliner CB Alabama
Analysis:  Hard to come up with a scenario where Milliner slips out of the Top 10; this is his floor.  I think Miami (after completing a trade for Albert) moves up to this spot.

11

San Diego Chargers Sheldon Richardson DT Missouri
Analysis:  I think a team trades up at this spot for Richardson’s services.

12

Miami Dolphins Sharrif Floyd DT Florida
Analysis:  The DT’s in this class are impressive.  I think there are teams in love with all three of these guys (Star, Richardson, Floyd).

13

New York Jets Kenny Vaccaro S Texas
Analysis: With Vaccaro, Jones, Austin and Eifert still on the board I do not think the Jets will have a hard time finding a trade partner. 

14

Carolina Panthers Tavon Austin WR WVU
Analysis: I think the Panthers could be one of the teams to move up a few spots to grab Richardson/Floyd.  So this could easily be Miami’s or San Diego’s pick.  Regardless, all three teams could be in play for Austin.

15

New Orleans Saints Jarvis Jones LB Georgia
Analysis:  This kid is a gamer, critics be damned!

16

St. Louis Rams Arthur Brown LB Kansas State
Analysis:  Undersized perhaps, but I think this is the future of NFL LB’s.  This kid will be an impact player.

17

Pittsburgh Steelers Tyler Eifert TE ND
Analysis:  Would not be surprised if he went top 10.  Dual TE sets (with athletic TEs) are so hard to defend (See: New England).

18

Dallas Cowboys Chance Warmack OG Alabama
Analysis:  Jerry lands a “big name” and a need position.  More importantly they are getting a heck of a football player.  OG’s just don’t carry the positional value to justify a top 15 pick. 

19

NY Giants Tank Carradine DE Florida State
Analysis:  I can really see Tank in a 49ers or Falcons jersey.  The Giants won’t pass on his talents.

20

Chicago Bears Bjoren Werner DE Florida State
Analysis:  Perfect fit.

21

Cincinnati Bengals Jonathan Cyprien S FIU
Analysis:  As talented as Vaccaro in my opinion.

22

St. Louis Rams DeAndre Hopkins WR Clemson
Analysis:  St. Louis hasn’t been shy about showing their interest in Hopkins.

23

Minnesota Vikings Johnathan Cooper OG UNC
Analysis:  A terrific player, but again, OG’s just don’t warrant high picks.

24

Indianapolis Colts DJ Fluker OT Alabama
Analysis: The Colts absolutely have to protect Luck.  While I don’t think they can plug Fluker in as a LT (and the just signed RT Cherilus to big time money) I think Fluker could be a dominate guard.

25

Minnesota Vikings Xavier Rhodes CB Florida State
Analysis:  Helps improve a weak secondary.

26

Green Bay Packers Datone Jones DE UCLA
Analysis:   Great value pick and somebody who can contribute right away on defense.

27

Houston Texans DJ Hayden CB HOU
Analysis:  A local kid, but don’t let that fool you, he is an extremely talented CB.  Rumor has it he may give Milliner a run for his money.

28

Denver Broncos Jamar Taylor CB Boise St.
Analysis:  A physical corner to pair with Bailey.

29

New England Patriots Sly Williams DT NC
Analysis:  He could be a force on their D-line.  Would be surprised to see NE draft here.  Trading down is the most likely scenario.

30

Atlanta Falcons Matt Barkley QB USC
Analysis:  A team will jump back in to grab the guy they like.  Could be Manual, but I think Barkley is too good of a prospect to pass up.  Most likely to trade up: Jags, Jets, Oakland.

31

San Francisco 49ers Justin Hunter WR Tennessee
Analysis:  Niners could use a solid #2 WR.  Keenan Allen will be in the mix too, but testing positive for weed at the Combine shows a complete lack of judgment and responsibility (dude, toke up after the Combine).  This likely drops him to the second round.

32

Baltimore Ravens Cordarrelle Patterson WR Tennessee
Analysis:  Too much talent to pass up here.  Needs to be coached up quite a bit, but the potential is there (reminds me of Stephen Hill, who was the sixth WR taken last year at #43)   

2013 NFL Draft Drink-a-thon!

 

The Machine's Draft Drink-a-thon!  Are you man enough?

The Machine’s Draft Drink-a-thon! Are you man enough?

Sure, The Machine is busy cramming in late night film studies and making final adjustments to our Big Board, however it’s time to focus a little energy into one of the most important aspects of the Draft: The Drinking!  How can you make the Draft better, you ask in amazement?  By playing The Big Red Sports Machine’s Draft Drink-a-thon.  It’s fun, it’s easy, it’s guaranteed to impress the ladies, and you can play along at home or at your favorite watering hole.  Here are the rules:

1.  Draft catchphrases.  There are certain phrases you only hear during the Draft.  Why?  We don’t know, but we love them.  For this reason alone, we give ESPN the slight lean over the NFL Network for your draft day coverage.  That, and, Kiper.  Duh, winning! 

The following phrases are worth a shot of beer:

  • Raw talent
  • Off-the-field issues
  • Live arm
  • High motor
  • Straight line speed
  • Great Value
  • Upside
  • Best player available
  • Intangibles or Measurables
  • Trade Down
  • War Room
  • New Regime
  • Read-Option
  • Edge Rusher
  • Gets to the Second Level
  • Quick feet
  • Plays in Space

2.  Each of these phrases/vidoes are beer-finishing worthy:

  • Reference to Mel’s hair
  • First player to cry when their name is called
  • Reference to when Tom Brady was drafted (we’ll also accept Brady’s Combine picture)
  • Reference to Aaron Rodgers draft day slide
  • Video of Brady Quinn in the green room
  • Player on-stage photo op with family/entourage of 15+
  • Video of Bill Tobin’s infamous “who the hell is Mel Kiper?” interview during the ’94 Draft

3.  On the Clock Chug.  When your team is on the clock, you have to finish a full beer before the pick is called.

Basically, if it doesn’t look like this than you’re probably doing it wrong…..


GIFSoup

That’s it.  Three simple rules to make sure you maximize your Draft Day (weekend) experience. Cheers!

Tuesday Teabag, April 23, 2013 – Tampa Bay Bucs

Laughing all the way to the bank

Inevitable holdout looming

Let’s get right to it:  just days before the Draft (come back tomorrow to check out The Machine’s Draft Day Drinking Game) the New York Jets and the Tampa Bay Bucs pull off a blockbuster trade.  The Jets send Darrelle Revis to Tampa and in exchange receive Tampa’s first round pick (#13) and a conditional pick in 2014 (likely to be a third round pick).  Tampa then signs Revis to a six year, $96 million dollar contract, making him (by far) the highest paid cornerback in the league.

So who “won” the trade?  Jason Cole of Yahoo! Sports argues that the Bucs got the better end of the deal, and that the Jets caved in to Revis’ demand for a trade.  True, the Jets had to trade him:  per his contract, they couldn’t franchise him, so if he played for them this year he walks a free man at the end of the season and the Jets get nothing.  Also true, the Jets put themselves in this situation by agreeing in Revis’ contract that they could not franchise him (note to GMs:  read the fine print) so they at least deserve an honorable mention teabag (does anyone really think Rex Ryan and crew are savvy, detailed oriented negotiators?)

Well, the dust has settled, and The Machine is here to tell you that the Bucs just paid a ton of fool’s gold.  Mark our words:  this is a horrible deal and ultimately will not end up well for Tampa Bay.  Let’s break it down:

 1.  $16 Million Per Year?  Really?

This is an incredibly absurd amount to pay a cornerback.  Let’s assume, for sake of argument, that Revis plays as the Bucs hope, and that he’s the best cornerback in the league.  Even if that’s true, $16 million per year is way above market.  The next highest paid cornerback:  Champ Bailey at $11.5 million.  That’s a $4.5 million dollar gap between them, and a 40% increase.  Rarely, if ever, do you find that much disparity between the highest paid and second highest paid player.  Here’s a breakdown of the Top 2 paid players at other positions:

QB:     Joe Flacco ($20.1 million), Drew Brees ($20 million).  % increase:  0.5%

RB:      Adrian Peterson ($11.25 million), Chris Johnson ($10 million).  % increase:  12.5%

WR:     Calvin Johnson ($16.2 million), Larry Fitzgerald ($16.1 million) % increase: 0.6%

Now, Aaron Rodgers will likely eclipse Flacco as the highest paid QB, but The Machine guarantees you it won’t be 40% more than Flacco. 

What makes that number even more absurd is that there was no bidding war.  There was no other team that was driving the price up.  Everyone knew that Tampa was the only team interested in trading for Revis.  There is simply no justification for spending like a druken sailor.

 2.  His contract is not guaranteed

But Ginger King, you argue, the Bucs protected themselves by making sure the contract is not guaranteed.  In theory, that’s true.  In reality, total bullshit.

There is no way he’s not on that team for at least two years, even if he is underperforming (see Nnamdi Asomugha).  The Bucs gave up a lot, so they can’t just cut and run if he doesn’t play as expected.  Doing so would almost surely result in some front-office changes.  And good luck getting him to restructure his contract. 

So, at the very least, the contract has $32 million guaranteed (cue drunken sailor).

 3.  He’s coming off of ACL surgery

Did people forget that Revis played in only two games last year before blowing out his ACL and having reconstructive knee surgery?  Arguably, having healthy knees is somewhat of a must have for a cornerback.  Perhaps we’ve been spoiled by what Adrian Peterson did last season, coming off of knee surgery and coming back stronger and better.  However, AP is the exception, not the rule.  It’s a big unknown whether Revis will be back to his old shut down self.  In fact, we’re already hearing rumors that he might not be ready for Game 1.  At $1 million dollars per game, the Bucs need an instant return on their investment.

 4.  Revis is the best cornerback in the NFL

Again, let’s assume that Revis fully recovers from knee surgery, and re-establishes himself as the best corner in the NFL.  Good news for Tampa, right?  Not so fast.  You heard it here first:  Revis will holdout.  It’s in his blood to hold out.  He held out before even playing a game, and has been nothing but a malcontent diva always in search of more money and more spotlight.  If he is the best corner, you can guarantee he’ll argue he’s outperformed his contract, that the $16 million was watered down to account for potential knee problems, and that a fully healthy Revis (we assume he talks in the third person) is worth more.  The Bucs remedy (unless they cave and pay him more) is to cut him, which they won’t want to do because they won’t want to have the NFL’s top cornerback walk away and get nothing in return (sound familiar?).

No argument that Revis, if healthy, is the best corner in the game.  But you have to ask the question is he worth it?  He’s devisive and not what you would call a team player.  And at $1 million dollars per game, you want a guy that makes Tim Tebow look like a whore.

In short, there’s no way this works out well for the Bucs long term.  They grossly overpaid for a player with an unproven knee.  If he plays well, he’ll hold out for more cash and if he underperforms, the Bucs can cut him but will be admitting defeat and will become the laughing stock of the league.  The contract just reeks of desperation.  At the very least, the first year of this deal should have been heavily incentive laden; with easy to moderate levels of reachable incentives (games played, ints, fumble recoveries, etc.).  This would protect the Bucs in case he doesn’t come back 100% from surgery.  If he performs, then you give him the $16 million.  Instead, they just write him a $16 million dollar check.  That’s questionable decision making from the front office. 

While it will take the rest of the sports world a year or two to realize this, The Machine can smell a bad deal right away.  And this friends, is a bad deal. 

Enjoy your teabag.

NBA Playoffs – Who’s Going to Win?

NBA-PlayoffsNot since our Intro to Sociology Class have we been presented with an easier question.  Spoiler alert:  Miami Heat.  It won’t even be close.  The gap between the Heat and everybody else is huge.  Like Billy Fucillo HUGE.  Seriously, who’s going to stop them?  The Kobe-less Lakers?  The Derrick Rose-less Bulls?  The geriatric Celtics?  The geriatric Spurs?  But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.  Let’s break it down by Conference.

Eastern Conference

Miami Heat.  This must be the Safest.  Bet.  Ever.  There is no one standing in between the Heat and a return trip to the NBA Finals.  All signs point to a Heat/Knicks conference finals, which will be entertaining, but unless P.J. Brown and Charlie Ward are going to square off at halftime, there’s really no reason to tune in.  And the Knicks are no shoe-in to get there.  Melo’s a stud, but the Knicks play too much ISO.  And sorry, but we’re not believers in JR Smith.  As a general rule, we don’t trust anyone with neck tats, and JR’s no different.  Sure, he’s hit some game winners this season, but he’s too streaky and plays too reckless to be consistently counted on.  This is the playoffs son, you want Steady Eddie, not Quickdraw McGraw.  Indiana’s a dark horse, but they’ll have an eventual match up against the Heat. 

Remember the ’96 Bulls that blew through the Eastern Conference playoffs, losing only one game en route to the Finals?  The Heat are likely to give that a run for its money.

Western Conference

Here’s where it actually gets interesting.  There are three teams that have a legitimate shot to get to the Finals:  OKC, San Antonio, and the Nuggets (heh heh, he said Nuggets), not surprisingly the Top 3 seeds in the West.  OKC, the only team not named Miami to win 60 games this season, have a formidable (the best?) 1-2 punch in Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook.  San Antonio, it seems, has had the same lineup for decades, but if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.  And the Nuggets (he he) led the NBA in points per game and they don’t lose at home.  Their last home lost was January 18. 

So who makes it through?  The Machine’s money is on San Antonio.  This is it for the Spurs and I think they know it.  Their lineup is aging, to be nice about it.  This is their last stand before they hit the dreaded re-building phase (they’re about one year behind the Celtics in this regard).  There’s enough left in the tank for one last hurrah…before Duncan completely breaks down and Ginobli’s male pattern baldness fully takes over.

However, all that gets them is a match up with the Heat, and, like the Seattle Supersonics in ’96, winning two games in that series would be an accomplishment.

Ad execs and David Stern may not like this: but there’s really no reason to watch the playoffs at all.  Just watch a Sportscenter Playoffs montage and catch Game 4 of the Finals.  That’s all you need.  The Heat simply have too much firepower to be stopped.  Love ‘em or hate ‘em, but get use to calling them back-to-back NBA Champions.

2013 NFL Draft – By the Numbers

As we inch closer to the draft (are we there yet?!) The Machine is busy tracking, among other things, two phenomena that tend to occur this time of the year: (1) the massive amount of misinformation being reported (generated first and foremost by NFL front offices) and (2) the overabundance of mock drafts.  Draftniks alike can’t seem to help themselves this time of the year, posting new and updated mocks daily.  You all have a problem.  And we love you for it!

There seems to be two schools of thought when it comes to mocking the draft.  The traditionalists prefer the straight-up mock draft.  No trading.  Each team gets their turn and that’s it.  The rationale being that mocking the draft is hard enough, mixing in the variable of trades makes the task damn near impossible.  The second group, the younger generation if you will, theorize trade scenarios based on projected player availability, team needs and team philosophy.

Realistically, the truth lies somewhere in-between.  Wheeling and dealing will always be part of the draft, and if last years dizzying pace was an indication (14 slots swapped in the first round alone) this year will feature some thrilling blockbusters (we’re looking at you Revis/Tampa Bay….or perhaps a dark horse team?!)

However, I’ve got a real issue with some of the trades being mocked.  For example, draftniks seem all too comfortable with the Bills drafting a WR/DL/CB with the No. 8 overall pick, justifying that the team can take a QB at No.  41, or even trade back into the bottom of the first round and grab their QB.  They fail to consider that the Bills only have six total picks; not exactly a cache of ammunition.  Given their (lack of) talent, they can ill afford to give up the picks necessary to jump from No. 41 into the low 20’s.  On the contrary, I’d expect the Bills to be actively shopping both the No. 8 and No. 41 pick in an effort to acquire more picks.

This lead The Machine to take a closer look at each teams draft pick status heading into the draft to identify which teams might be looking, and more importantly have the resources to move up in the draft.  Here is the breakdown, with some interesting observations to follow:

2013 NFL Draft by the Numbers     
Team              Total Picks                    Top 100 Picks
San Francisco

13

5

Baltimore

12

3

Miami

11

5

Minnesota

11

4

Atlanta

11

3

Cincinnati

10

4

Seattle

10

2

Houston

9

4

Tennessee

9

4

Philadelphia

9

3

Kansas City

8

4

St. Louis

8

4

Detroit

8

3

Green Bay

8

3

New York

8

3

Pittsburgh

8

3

Tampa Bay

8

3

Jacksonville

7

4

Arizona

7

3

New York (J)

7

3

Oakland

7

3

San Diego

7

3

Cleveland

7

2

Washington

7

2

Buffalo

6

3

Dallas

6

3

Denver

6

3

Indianapolis

6

2

New England

5

3

Carolina

5

2

Chicago

5

2

New Orleans

5

2

 

Totals: 254

100

     
  •  Last years Super Bowl teams, San Francisco and Baltimore, account for 25 total picks, or approximately 10% of the picks in this years draft.
  • 7 out of the top 8 teams (in terms of draft picks) made the playoffs last year.  Miami being the lone exception.  Conversely, only 3 out of the bottom 8 teams made the playoffs.  This is not a coincidence.  Good team/roster management includes keeping and acquiring draft picks.
  • Speaking of Miami, if this offseason has shown us anything it’s that Jeff Ireland is GM-ing for his job.  We’d expect that trend to continue throughout the draft with Miami combining picks to move up the draft board.  This is a dangerous way to build a team.  We like the odds that Ireland is unemployed this time next year.
  • SF and Seattle have been in a bot of an arms race in terms of collecting talent.  The NFC West crown is up for grabs.  Both teams have plenty of ammunition to trade up to get “their” guy.  I expect SF to be particularly aggressive (DL/CB/WR).
  • Atlanta is 1 of 7 teams with double-digit picks.  Dimitroff has shown a penchant for being aggressive on draft day (Julio Jones).  Atlanta is a candidate to move up in the top ten.
  • I think Oakland, Carolina, Buffalo and Indianapolis will actively look to trade down when possible.  Although, I think Bills and the Colts will target a QB and OL, respectively, in the first round.
  • New Orleans is interesting in that they are tied with for the fewest picks (5) but also must feel they are close to competing for the division title (3 years removed from SB and getting Sean Payton back).  However, BountyGate has really taken its toll on this roster (particularly) the defense.  The Saints would be wise to trade down early and often this year.
  • It will be interesting to see if Jerry Jones can stay put this year, as he only has 6 picks to work with.

Mock Draft (v4.0) – One Week Warning!

NFL DraftThat’s right, we’re one week from the Main Event!  The Machine is in full mock mode; Roid Rage gets Version 4 kicked off with picks 1-16 and Ginger King rounds out the bottom half: (Leave your comments below).

1

Kansas City Chiefs: Luke Joeckel OL Texas A&M
Analysis:  It looks like the Chiefs have moved on from their starting tackles from a year ago, cutting Eric Winston and broadcasting Brandon Albert’s availability (mid-to-low round pick).  So this pick will either be Joeckle or Fisher.  The Machine prefers Fishers upside and nasty demeanor in the trenches.  Joeckle’s no slouch though; he’s the prototypical NFL LT.

2

Jacksonville Jaguars: Dion Jordan OLB Oregon
Analysis:  “Jags are a mess, and need help at every position”.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  They’d love the opportunity to trade down, but nobody is going to be willing to pay the premium.  Caldwell, Bradley and Khan (the Jaguar brain trust) are all onboard with this selection.

3

Oakland Raiders Star Lotulelei DT Utah
Analysis:  You’ve got to hand it to McKenzie, he isn’t afraid to stick to his guns!  He is yet to find a player he hasn’t wanted to cut (Routt, Seymour, Huff, Kelly, DHB, McClain).  The Raiders have needs at literally every position.  McKenzie grabs the BPA.

4

Philadelphia Eagles Shariff Floyd DT Florida
Analysis:  First of all, Chip Kelly is calling the shots here.  And Chip is so confident…cough, arrogant, cough…that his offensive system is superior to anything the NFL has ever seen that his only concern is building a shutdown defense.  They go defensive heavy in this draft, starting with the Philly kid, Floyd.  Milliner is in the mix here too.

5

Detroit Lions Eric Fisher OL C. Michigan
Analysis:  This seems like a dream scenario for Detroit with the loss of tackles Cherilus (free agency) and Backus (retirement).  However, I think there is a coin flips chance that E. Ansah is the pick here.  They also lost defensive ends Vanden Bosch and Avril this offseason.  What a mess.  In related news, Jim Schwartz will probably be looking for a new job come December.

6

Cleveland Browns Lane Johnson OL Oklahoma
Analysis:  Do I think the Browns draft an offensive linemen with their first pick? No.  But this is the ideal spot for the Dolphins to trade up and snatch Johnson before he falls to the Cardinals.  Johnson is viewed by some as 1C to Joeckle/Fisher this year.  If the Browns don’t trade down, this pick is E. Ansah or B. Mingo all day long (with Geno Smith as a dark horse).  Many people, myself included, think the Browns are putting up a smoke screen (from burning all those Pilot J documents) with these reports that Milliner is their No. 1 priority.  They draft DE/OLB if they stay put.

7

Arizona Cardinals Barkevious Mingo DE LSU
Analysis:  Cards need pressure from the end.  Problem solved (plus best name in the Draft).

8

Buffalo Bills Ryan Nassib QB Syracuse
Analysis:  I’m totally buying the Syracuse connection here.  So much so that the Bills prefer Nassib to Smith and stay true to their board.  They’ll get crucified in the mainstream media in this scenario.  However, a fair amount of talent evaluators (Lande, Cosell, Gruden) have Nassib rated as their No. 1 QB this year.

9

NY Jets Geno Smith QB West Virginia
Analysis:  This should allow the team to abort their collection of dumbster fires- Sanchez, Garrard, Tebow, McElroy, Simms- at QB.  More importantly, Rex will be able to use the “Rookie QB” excuse to buy himself a few more years.

10

Tennessee Titans Dee Milliner CB Alabama
Analysis:  Hard to come up with a scenario where Milliner slips out of the Top 10; this is his floor.

11

San Diego Chargers Tavon Austin WR West Virginia
Analysis:  Sure, the Chargers need offensive linemen in the worst way, but guards and tackles can’t score touchdowns on any given play, from the outside, slot, out of the backfield, returning kicks/punts, etc.  Austin is electric with the ball in his hands.  For his sake (and ours as fans) let’s hope he can hold up through a 16 game schedule.

12

Miami Dolphins Ezekiel Ansah DE BYU
Analysis:  I think the Dolphins jump into the top 8 to grab a OT (from the Browns at 6 in this scenario).  Since I think Ansah could go six to the Browns in the first place, getting him here is an absolute steal and makes the risk a bit more tolerable.

13

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Desmond Trufant CB Washington
Analysis: I absolutely feel a CB will get drafted out of the 13 spot.  Whether it’s the Bucs or Jets remains to be seen.

14

Carolina Panthers Kenny Vaccaro S Texas
Analysis: The Panther have neglected the DT spot for years.  Why would this year be any different?  They grab the BPA in the ultra versatile Vaccaro.  His tape vs. Tavon Austin speaks volumes to his abilities.

15

New Orleans Saints Datone Jones DE UCLA
Analysis:  One of my personal favorites in this draft.  Really feel like the Saints move down considering their lack of picks and talent.  Defense is a must, Jones becomes one of their best defensive players.

16

St. Louis Rams Chance Warmack OG ALA
Analysis:  Pains me to see Warmack slip this far; such is the life of OG’s in the NFL (see: David DeCastro last year….#24).  Helps solidify an improving Rams OL.

17

Pittsburgh Steelers Jarvis Jones OLB Georgia
Analysis:  Pittsburgh stays true to its board (and team philosophy) and addresses defense first.  With Harrison gone, this is looking more and more likely.  WR is an option, but (a) the Steelers don’t draftin WRs in the first round and (b) keeping Emmanual Sanders makes this less of a need.

18

Dallas Cowboys Sheldon Richardson DT Missouri
Analysis:  Cowboys will either go OL or DL here.  Jonathon Cooper’s an option, but Richardson provides way too much value here. 

19

NY Giants Bjoern Werner DT Florida State
Analysis:  A Top 5 pick two months ago, Bjoern has slipped down the draft.  He did not help his cause at the Combine, which has likely contributed to his slide.  However, the tape on him is impressive.  Raw, athletic, albeit a little inexperienced.  None of that is a problem for the G-Men, who love taking those ingredients and creating a dominant DE (see:  JPP).

20

Chicago Bears Manti Te’o ILB Notre Dame
Analysis:  Ok we’re buying this (for now).  For all the things wrong with Manti (fake dead girlfriend, horribly exposed during Nat’l Championship game, 4.82 40 which has since dropped into the 4.7s at his pro day) there’s one thing going for him:  he’s a natural born leader.  Alec Ogletree may be the more athletic choice, but Manti fits the role to replace Brian Urlacher.  Even though Lennay HATES cold weather, he makes sense here.

21

Cincinnati Bengals DJ Fluker OL Alabama
Analysis:  The only question is whether DJ will last this long.

22

St. Louis Rams Jonathon Cooper OG North Carolina
Analysis:  Another offensive lineman?  How does that make sense?  Check out the Niners in 2010 (Anthony Davis at 11 and Mike Iupati at 17)  With Warmack, Cooper, and Jake Long, the Rams would arguably have the best line in the league.

23

Minnesota Vikings Alec Ogletree ILB Georgia
Analysis:  Vikes would love it if Alec made it to them here.

24

Indianapolis Colts Tank Carradine DE Florida St.
Analysis: The Colts need to get young on the outside.  Freeney is gone and Robert Mathis is on the wrong side of 30.

25

Minnesota Vikings Cordarrelle Patterson WR Tennessee
Analysis:  Even with Jennings, the Vikes need more weapons for Ponder.

26

Green Bay Packers DeAndre Hopkins WR Clemson
Analysis:   Now begins the run on WRs.  They re-signed Clay Mathews which means the focus should be on improving the offense.  Hopkins will soften the blow from losing Jennings.

27

Houston Texans Robert Woods WR USC
Analysis:  A pefect complement to Andre Johnson.  Woods has risen up draft boards and looks certain to go in the late first round.  Doesn’t have jaw dropping speed but catches everything his way and, having played in a pro-style offense at USC, is the most NFL-ready WR in the draft.

28

Denver Broncos Jamar Taylor CB Boise St.
Analysis:  Anyone see that playoff game, particularly the final 33 seconds of the fourth quarter?  Any questions?  Taylor has speed (4.32) and strength (22 reps) and hopefully enough knowledge to know that you don’t let the receiver get behind you for a game tying 70 yard touchdown pass with 30 seconds to go.

29

New England Patriots Margus Hunt DE SMU
Analysis:  Patriots love versatile defenders that can play with a hand down at the line or standing up to drop back.  With either of these last four picks (from NE to Balt) we expect some team in the early second to trade up to grab a qb. 

30

Atlanta Falcons Tyler Eifert TE Notre Dame
Analysis:  Who better to learn from than Gonzo?

31

San Francisco 49ers Justin Hunter WR Tennessee
Analysis:  Niners could use a solid #2 WR.  Keenan Allen will be in the mix too, but testing positive for weed at the Combine shows a complete lack of judgment and responsibility (dude, toke up after the Combine).  This likely drops him to the second round.

32

Baltimore Ravens Eric Reid S LSU
Analysis:  For defending Super Bowl Champions, the Ravens have a surprising number of holes to fill.  That will happen when your entire team takes their rings and runs.  Reid will help add some stability in the secondary.   

Tuesday Teabag, April 16, 2013 – Tyrann Mathieu and Carlos Quentin

Last week, loyal readers of The Machine knew we struggled with naming a Tuesday Teabag.  Well, the goodness that was in the world last week is gone; this week brought us a host of teabag-able people.  An HMT (Honorable Mention Teabag) goes out to the guy who called in the rules violation on Tiger Woods in the Masters.  Seriously?  You just nudged out Canadians on our list of things that annoy us (keep it up and you’ll zoom right past street performers).  

And obviously, an HMT goes out to the a-hole(s) responsible for the Boston Bombing (transitioning to serious for just a moment).  Please note that good will always win, and you will never be able to change our resolve.  The video of people running towards the bombing to help strangers shows our compassion and determination.  The Machine sends its prayers to those affected in Boston, and toasts to the eventual capture of the bomber(s).  Anyway, on to our teabags. 

Tyrann Mathieu Tyrann Mathieu

Tyrann is in the process of the biggest job interview ever, as the NFL Draft is a mere 9 days away.  Known as the Honey Badger, Tyrann was on top of the world at the end of the 2011 season.  He won the Chuck Bednarik Award (given to the best defensive player in college football) and was a Heisman Trophy finalist.  Then, it all went up in smoke. 

He was kicked off the team in August, 2012 just before the season was to begin, allegedly for failing multiple drug tests.  Confirming those allegations, Tyrann was then arrested in October for possession of marijuana.  He’s since spent the last 6 months rehabilitating his image (read: hired an agent and PR team to convince people he’s a changed man).  And, for the most part, it’s working.  Scouts have him ranked as early as the second round (still a ways away from a Top 5 pick he could’ve been).

So, it came as a surprise when he recently acknowledged that he “stopped counting after 10” when asked how many drug tests he failed at LSU.  First, make no mistake about it:  The Machine wants to party with Tyrann Mathieu.  Put The Machine together with Tyrann, it doesn’t matter where—it can be on Bourbon Street, an Applebee’s in Middle America, or any place with a karaoke machine, and It. Would. Be. Epic.  But come on, Tyrann…you’re this close to convincing people you’ve truly changed, and that handing you millions of dollars will in no way result in you buying trash bags full of government-grade herb (wink).  Write this next sentence down as the response to any question asked of you between now and April 25:  I’m not focused on the past; I’m looking forward to the future.  Drawing more attention to your checkered past is not the way to go, unless you’re looking to fall further down the draft board.

Carlos Quentin MLB: Los Angeles Dodgers at San Diego Padres

In case you’ve been too caught up in your Draft Board to notice (guilty as charged) the baseball season has started.  Don’t worry, in just five short months baseball will become relevant.  Hang in there.  Until then, its usefulness will be relegated to the occasional teabag, which brings us to our friend Carlos.

Carlos got hit by a pitch from Zach Greinke last week.  Feeling the pitch was intentional, Quentin charged the mound, which (always) results in a bench clearing brawl.  The aftermath:  Greinke breaks his collarbone and is out for at least two months.  Now, a bench clearing brawl, by itself, is not necessarily a teabag-able offense.  Sometimes, it’s justified, and sometimes it’s memorable (The Machine doesn’t care if Robin Ventura goes on to become President of the United States, he’ll always be remembered in our mind as the kid that got his ass beat by old man Nolan Ryan).  In Carlos’ case, his actions were completely out of line.

For starters, it was a 3-2 count, in the sixth inning of a one run game.  For all the (stupid) unwritten rules there are in baseball, not one of them says this is the right time to hit a batter.  Clearly, it was not intentional.  Carlos claimed that he and Zach have a history, and he’s right:  this was the third time that Greinke’s hit him.  But here’s another stat:  everyone hits Carlos Quentin.  He led the NL last year in getting hit, and the year before that he led the AL.  The average MLB player gets hit 0.9% of the time.  Carlos?  4.1%.  That’s right, Carlos gets hit more than four times the average player.

So what does that tell you?  Either (a) every pitcher has it in for Carlos Quentin or (b) Carlos crowds the plate.  Look, getting hit by a pitch sucks, but you should be used to it by now.  Here’s a tip from The Machine:  if you want to stop getting hit, move back in the batter’s box.  You intentionally crowd the plate to take away the inside pitch, but clearly that hasn’t stopped people from pitching inside.  If you’re not going to change the way you stand in the batter’s box, then it should be no surprise that you’re on your way to leading the NL in getting hit again. 

The Machine has two words for you Carlos:  situational baseball.  Your charging the mound was completely unjustified.  If MLB had a set, they’d suspend you for as long as it takes for Greinke to pitch again.  Instead, you get off easy with an 8 game suspension.  That, and a teabag.

Enjoy your teabags fellas.

2013 NFL Draft – Risers and Fallers

NFL DraftWe’re almost two weeks away from the Draft.  The Machine’s busy pouring over game tape and pro day results.  Here’s our list of Top 5 Risers and Fallers. 

Top 5 Risers

  1. Dion Jordan, OLB, Oregon.  An afterthought on most draft boards a few months ago, Dion is now on everyone’s radar, and a consensus Top 5 pick (The Machine has him at #2).  Being called the best athlete in the draft will do that for you.
  2. Tavon Austin, WR, West Virginia.  Comparisons to Percy Harvin and Desean Jackson have Tavon jockeying to be the first WR off the board.
  3. Star Loutelelei, DT, Utah.  Even when those initial heart rumors surfaced, Star only dropped to the middle of the first round.  Now that those concerns have been alleviated (somewhat) Star is creeping back up to the Top 10. 
  4. Robert Woods, WR, USC.  Despite not having top end speed, Woods catches everything his way, arguably a more important quality for a WR.  He’s a polished receiver that can run any route.  Could he run his way into the first round?
  5. Jamar Taylor, CB, Boise St.  Boise St. is starting to get some recognition on the other side of the ball.  The combo of blazing speed (4.39) and strength (22 reps) have Jamar quickly climbing draft boards.

Honorable Mentions:  Arthur Brown, Justin Hunter, D.J. Hayden, Datone Jones

Top 5 Fallers

  1. Damontre Moore, DE, Texas A&M.  Damontre is having a DaQuan Bowers like tumble (without the injury) and may be headed out of the first round.  12 reps at the Combine does not bode well.
  2. Eddie Lacy, RB, Alabama.  Not being able to fully workout at Bama’s pro day hasn’t done much to assuage concerns about durability.
  3. Jarvis Jones, LB, Georgia.  Jarvis rolled the dice and opted not to work out at the Combine, putting everything on his pro day.  The results:  luke warm.  Slow in the 40 (4.92) and character issues are not a good combination.
  4. Mike Glennon, QB, NC State.  Mike has gotten lost in the discussion of “quarterbacks after Geno” and looks to have fallen down to Round 3.
  5. Nickell Robey, CB, USC.  Whoever told Nickell to leave after his junior year should be ashamed (or fired).  He was inconsistent all year, and uninspiring in workouts.  The Machine has him falling to the middle rounds on Day 3.

Honorable Mentions:  Kawaan Short, Tyrann Mathieu, Alex Okafor