Instant Analysis:  We’ve opened the kimono (I know, it’s huge) and give you our full first round mock.  6 Quarterbacks in the First Round?!?!  That sounds crazy, but not impossible.  With the fifth-year team option for first round picks, both Lamar Jackson and Mason Rudolph stand a chance to sneak into the first round.  The more I think about it, the more Lamar Jackson to the Saints makes a ton of sense.  That offense fits his skill set, and there’s no expectation to come in right away.  He can sit back and learn from one of the best in Drew Brees.

Yes, he’s a quarterback.

Mike McGlinchey takes a huge jump up to Cleveland at 4.  Yes, Saquon Barkley is still there, but Cleveland just lost Joe Thomas and they need a left tackle to protect their newest franchise quarterback.  It’s tough to predict trades, but Cleveland would be in a great spot to trade to someone like Buffalo, and then grab McGlinchey at 12.  Speaking of franchise quarterbacks, the Colts surprise everyone and take Josh Allen.  Sure, the Colts have Andrew Luck, but here’s the problem:  He can’t throw a football.  That’s generally a problem if you’re a quarterback.  Sure, maybe he’ll be fine…or maybe he’ll put you through quarterback hell (again).  Drafting Josh Allen is a win-win, and a necessary insurance policy for the Colts.  If Luck returns to form, the Colts can trade Allen for a bevy of picks and/or players…and if, you know, Luck still can’t throw a football, then the Colts just drafted their next franchise quarterback.

Elsewhere, Dallas will now be looking for a receiver to replace Dez…and they can stay right in their backyard and get Courtland Sutton.

Dez who?

If Buffalo stays put, I like them to go offense with both picks.  Calvin Ridley would be hard to pass up at 12, and they need to strengthen their offense line with both Richie Incognito and Eric Wood not returning (FWIW, I’m not entirely convinced Richie’s retiring…this reeks of contract negotiation strategy).  Regardless, offensive line is still an area of need, and they’ll have plenty of options at 22 for an interior lineman.  Also, can we get a change.org petition going to get Incognito a broadcasting job?  Now that’ll boost ratings!

Are you ready for some football, motherfuckers!

Here. We. Go!  It’s Mock Draft season!  The first, second and third waves of free agency have come and gone.  We’re down to depth-chart fillers like Matt Cassel and Troy Niklas.  NFL front offices are working OT to finalize their draft boards, find potential trade partners and send out as many false signals as possible.  Let’s dive into the top half of the first round, shall we:

It’s no secret, this years crop of QB prospects have NFL talent evaluators creaming their pants.  It’s the reason the Cleveland Browns have literally been tanking for the last two years (1-31, hullo!).  It’s the reason they passed on passed on Wentz, Trubisky and Watson. They are taking a QB first overall.  They were ALWAYS going to take a QB first overall.  Darnold has the most upside; time will tell if the weight of Cleveland suck will crush this kids soul or not.

Without mentioning his name, this is the three-year average from the Giants starting QB:

372/596 (62%), 3977 yards, 27 TDs, 14 Ints, 0.333 benchings

Yikes.  If I ever die like that old dude in the DaVinci Code, and I need to pass on the message that my evil killer was in some way mediocre (a word I clearly can’t spell without spell-checker), I’m going to scrawl that stat line on my dying corpse.  I’ll most likely be in a Tebowing pose as well, just putting that out there.

Let’s remember, those state are with throwing to the best WR in football (most of the time).  Eli’s also 37.  It’s time to put him out to pasture and draft the QB of the future.  The G-Men have no intention of picking in the top 5 again any time soon, and somehow I doubt the sales pitch to convince Shurmur to coach the team was: “we’re going to NOT let you pick the QB you want to groom for the future AND trade way the best offensive weapon in the game”.  The Giants will either draft Rosen/Mayfield or trade down.  And they won’t move Beckham.  The trade talk is a weak attempt to try to gain some leverage in negotiations.  Trading Jason Pierre Lobster Claw was more about trading that contract than it was moving that 7-and-a-half fingered freak show.  OBJ ’bout to get paid!

Money!

Clearly the Jets have no problem with sloppy seconds (or thirds)!  Some things never change.  It’s not really a stretch to envision the Jets picking the one bust QB from this class, while 4 other guys go on to have HOF careers.  Can’t blame the Jets for trying, they were probably going to fuck up all those second round picks they gave to the Colts anyways.  I love Mayfield the QB prospect, but I’ll flip on that crotch-grabbing asshole as soon as he holds up that green jersey.

So Peter King said a “friend” of John Dorsey’s (Cleveland’s GM) said the Browns won’t trade out of No. 4.  Luckily (for my wife), I wasn’t reading SI during breakfast, because I would have been shooting milk and Cheerios out of my nose from laughing so hard.  Seriously Pete.  You’re citing a “friend”.  Ummm, was this friend named Keter Ping?

I have the Browns taking Chubb at 4 (mostly because I don’t bother with mocking trades).  It’s cool to think about Chubb and Myles Garrett on the same D-line.  Until you realize it’s Cleveland, and neither of those guys can cover Antonio Brown, so they’ll still get creamed by the Steelers.

Denver is the true wildcard.  Correction: John Elways ego is the true wildcard.  Horse-teeth still thinks he has an elite defense and that Case Keenum is good.  John Elway backed QBs fall into two distinct groups: Those named Peyton Manning, and those that suck at playing quarterback (see: Osweiler, Paxton Lynch, Trevor Semen (sic)).  Which category do you think Case Keenum will fall into?!?  I’ve got the Broncos taking the “just one player away from contending” guy in Barkley.  On the other hand,  Elway gets mega stiffys for QB’s over 6′-6″, so can he resists the urge to lasso in Josh Allen?

In five years from now we are going to look back and realize that the Colts were the true laughing-stock of the league, not the Browns.  Since 1998….(don’t grab your calculator, it’s 20 years ago)…the Colts have had EITHER Peyton Manning or Andrew Luck under contract.  They’ve got 1 Superbowl victory to show for it (if I had an editor he’d probably add a note here saying that Superbowl victory was against Rex Freaking Grossman.  Not sayin, just sayin.  Good point fake editor!).  The Colts weren’t able to protect Manning and he literally broke his neck [insert Peyton Manning neck and/or forehead joke here]….and they are trying their damnedest to double down and get Andrew Luck killed on the field of play.  Josh McDaniels got one peek behind the curtain and sabotaged his own career instead of joining this clownshow.  I’ve got the Colts drafting the best guard prospect I’ve ever evaluated…..which means he’ll probably be out of the league in five years.

Please be as good as Wentz.

I don’t think the Bucs take a QB at 7, but it seems like the ideal spot (in this mock) for the Bills, Dolphins or Cardinals to move up and grab Allen (the last “blue chip” QB prospect).

Denzel Ward is my highest rated corner, but whomever lands Jackson and Fitzpatrick won’t be disappointed.

Roquan Smith is my favorite player to watch in this draft.  He’s all over the place.

Stay tuned for picks 17 -32……(but not really, because I’ll probably move on to Mock 2.0 and start all over from the top).

Alright, alright, alright.  Let’s get right to our Mock 2.0.  Some big changes in store.  We’ve already seen some big trades, as the Jets and the Bills are making some big moves, each in search of a franchise quarterback.  The Jets have assured themselves of one of the Big 3, but Buffalo still has some work to do if it’s gunning for a quarterback.  The Giants at #2 and Cleveland at #4 are great spots…but what will it take to get there (answer: a lot).  Also, they’re going to have some competition.  There are teams lurking outside the Top 10 besides the Bills (Miami, Arizona) looking to make a jump into the Top 5.  This will make for some exciting fireworks come draft night.

For now, let’s focus on the draft order as is (predicting trades is like a mock within a mock…and that’s just ridiculous).  We’ll reveal a little more of the curtain and unveil the top half of Round 1.

Instant Analysis:  Darnold took some flak for not throwing at the Combine, but silenced all critics by impressing everyone at his pro day.  As if his performance alone wasn’t enough, he threw in the rain, letting everyone know he’s ready for some depressing mid-Western weather.

Like bad weather, Sam? You’re going to love Cleveland.

Things get wonky quick with the Giants at 2.  I think the Giants would love nothing more than to trade down a few spots.  Problem is they don’t want to drop too far.  Ideally, best case scenario is to drop to #5 or #6, get some picks in the process, and still be guaranteed a top player (Barkley, Chubb, Nelson).  However, neither Denver or the Colts are looking to move up (quite the opposite, actually).  For now, they stay put and take Chubb, who makes a ton of sense, especially with JPP and his lobster claw heading to Tampa.

Thanks for the memories!

By trading out of the third pick, the Colts are gambling that Chubb will still be there.  If not, they will try to trade down, as someone like Vita Vea would still be available in the early teens.

Rounding out the top half, the Dolphins are the big winners here…with Josh Allen falling in their lap.  If the Giants don’t draft a quarterback (they may take Allen) then teams will be clamoring to move up to get him.  It’s unthinkable that he could fall that far, but stranger things have happened.  Remember Aaron Rodgers draft day slide?  He fell all the way to 24.  It could happen (but probably not).

Speaking of the Packers, Green Bay fills the void left by Jordy Nelson with Christian Kirk, proving again that free agency shapes the draft.

Carson Wentz 2.0

Is your bracket busted yet?  A 16 beating a 1?  I thought that would NEVER happen.  Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to focus on what’s really important.  The NFL Draft.  First, let’s start with some fan mail (we get so much, it’s hard to keep up, but don’t worry, we’ll respond to all of you).

[BRSM follower]:  Hey, aren’t you guys a little late to the draft party?  I’ve seen tons of mock drafts already.  How come you guys haven’t put one out yet?  Kiper already has, like, 20 out.  What’s wrong with you guys?

[Response]:  While we appreciate the mock draft enthusiasm, mock drafts before free agency are absolute horseshit.  My kids don’t know their street address but they do know this:  Free agency shapes the draft.  Period.  How many mock drafts did you see with Denver taking a quarterback?  A lot.  You think that’s happening now that they just signed Case Keenum?  The Browns just signed Carlos Hyde and are paying him starting RB money.  You think they’re going to draft Saquon #1 overall?  No, but damn if he slips to #4 they should.

And LOL at that Kiper shit.  Our streak of more first round picks right than Kiper (and McShay) is guaranteed to continue.  Just like a 1 beating a 16…

Anyway, here’s my Top 10…just the tip for now…it costs extra to see my full mock (believe me, my full mock is HUGE.  The best.).  Anyway, enjoy St. Patrick’s Day (amateur hour) and make sure to celebrate it the right way (blind drunk).  As soon as Roid Rage gets out of his Leprechaun costume, he’ll post his Top 10.

Replace palm trees with vacant, industrial buildings. Welcome to Cleveland, Sam!

Instant Analysis:  Yes, Cleveland needs (another) quarterback.  Since they also have the #4 pick, they could go another direction with their first pick (Saquon Barkley, Bradley Chubb) and then take whichever quarterback is there at 4.  Sounds good in theory.  However, you do not want to leave the quarterback position up to chance, especially not when you have the chance to pick whomever you want without worrying about what others are doing.  As I’m writing this, the Jets just traded up to #3.  That pick is guaranteed to be a quarterback.  No way Cleveland let’s anyone pick a qb before them.  Bet the house this pick is qb.  My money’s on Darnold.  He’s the most polished, pro-ready quarterback.

Also, this Top 10 assumes no trades.  No way that’s going to happen.  There’s an arms race brewing…teams, cough…Buffalo…cough, are trying to position themselves to get one of the Top 3 quarterbacks.  Some other teams are lurking (Miami, Arizona) that may try to make a move.  As many as 4 quarterbacks could go in the first 10 picks (yes, we’ll laugh at whatever sucker trades up for Johnny Football 2.0…I mean, Baker Mayfield).  That’s going to make for some exciting trades come draft night.  But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Best. Combine. Ever.

Rounding out the rest of the Top 10, the Giants stay put and take Saquon Barkley, whom many believe is the best player in the draft.  The Giants are pretty vanilla when it comes to trades, especially in the first round.  I don’t see them moving from 2, unless someone really wows them.  I’m talking multiple first round picks (this year and next year).  I’m looking at you, Buffalo!

Power + speed = Instant star

If the Colts can still land Bradley Chubb at 6 (and collect a bunch of picks from the Jets) that will be a draft day steal.  It’s a pretty big gamble…however offense is going to rule the first few picks in this draft, so it may just pan out.