Mock Draft Szn! In less than 3 weeks this mock (and all of the others) will look sillier than Greg Schiano’s latest coaching stint with the Pats. Onto the (projected) madness…..
Round 1
Team
Player
1
Arizona Cardinals
Kyler Murray (Oklahoma)
QB
2
San Francisco 49ers
Nick Bosa (OSU)
DE
3
New York Jets
Josh Allen (Kentucky)
Edge
4
Oakland Raiders
Quinnen Williams (Alabama)
DL
5
Tamp Bay Bucs
Devin White (LSU)
LB
6
New York Giants
Jawaan Taylor (Florida)
OL
7
Jacksonville Jaguars
T.J. Hockenson (Iowa)
TE
8
Detroit Lions
Ed Oliver (Houston)
DL
9
Buffalo Bills
Montez Sweat (Miss St)
Edge
10
Denver Broncos
Dwayne Haskins (OSU)
QB
11
Cincinnati Bengals
Rashan Gary (Michigan)
Edge
12
Green Bay Packers
Johan Willliams (Alabama)
OL
13
Miami Dolphins
Drew Lock (Missouri)
QB
14
Atlanta Falcons
Byron Murphy (Washington)
CB
15
Washington Redskins
Greedy Williams (LSU)
CB
16
Carolina Panthers
D.K. Metcalf (Ole Miss)
WR
17
New York Giants
Brian Burns (FSU)
Edge
Wait, so Kliff Kingsbury is calling the shots in Arizona now? The same Kliff Kingsbury that was fired by Texas Tech in November? The same Kliff Kingsbury whom was unable to turn college Patrick Mahomes into a household name?! You’re letting this douchebag call the shots? Good luck with that Arizona; we’ll be mocking you in the Top 5 for years to come.
One week closer, time to update the Mock Draft. Some new faces (and quarterbacks) in the Top 10. Here’s the Top half of Round 1.
Round 1
Team
Player
1
Arizona Cardinals
Kyler Murray (Oklahoma)
QB
2
San Francisco 49ers
Nick Bosa (OSU)
DE
3
New York Jets
Quinnen Williams (Alabama)
DL
4
Oakland Raiders
Josh Allen (Kentucky)
Edge
5
Tamp Bay Bucs
Devin White (LSU)
LB
6
New York Giants
Rashaan Gary (Michigan)
DE
7
Jacksonville Jaguars
Jawaan Taylor (Florida)
OL
8
Detroit Lions
Christian Wilkins (Clemson)
DL
9
Buffalo Bills
Andre Dillard (Washington)
OL
10
Denver Broncos
Drew Lock (Missouri)
QB
11
Cincinnati Bengals
Devin Bush (Michigan)
LB
12
Green Bay Packers
D.K. Metcalf (Ole Miss)
WR
13
Miami Dolphins
Dwayne Haskins (OSU)
QB
14
Atlanta Falcons
Ed Oliver (Houston)
DL
15
Washington Redskins
Greedy Williams (LSU)
CB
16
Carolina Panthers
Jonah Williams (Alabama)
OL
17
New York Giants
Montez Sweat (Miss St.)
DE
Latest Mile High Savior.
Instant Analysis: A
new quarterback cracks the Top 10. Drew
Lock is climbing up the draft boards, and some people think he’ll leapfrog
Dwayne Haskins. He seems to be a good
fit for Denver, and Elway is high on him…although he was also high on Brock Osweiler…and
Paxton Lynch…and Trevor Siemian…and Case Keenum. Wait, are you saying former players make for
lousy front office executives? Yes, I
am.
[NFL fan, could be you]: Where the Hell have you guys been? Aren’t you guys a little late to the draft party? I’ve seen tons of mock drafts already. How come you guys haven’t put one out yet? Kiper already has, like, 20 out. What’s wrong with you guys?
[Ginger King]: While we appreciate the mock draft enthusiasm, note this: mock drafts before free agency are absolute horseshit. Don’t believe me? Look at this tweet:
RESIST the pre-free agency mock drafts. #foolsgold
My kids don’t know their street address (or an emergency
contact number), but they do know this:
Free agency shapes the draft.
Period. How many (pre-free agency)
mock drafts did you see with Jacksonville taking a quarterback? All of them.
You think that’s happening now that they just signed Nick Foles and his (allegedly)
ginormous trouser snake? Da Raiders just
signed Antonio Brown (and Tyrell Williams).
You think they’re going to draft a receiver with any of their three (3!)
first round picks??? [side note: laugh
all you want at Gruden and his questionable coaching decisions…but they just
acquired the game’s best receiver for a bag of chips, AND have three first
round draft picks]. I’m Team Chucky on
this.
And LOL at that Kiper shit. Our streak of more first round picks right than Kiper (and McShay) is guaranteed to continue. Book it.
Anyway, here’s my Top 10…just the tip for now…it costs extra to see my full mock (believe me, my full mock is HUGE. The best.). Anyway, enjoy St. Patrick’s Day (fucking amateur hour) and make sure to celebrate it the right way (blind drunk). As soon as Roid Rage gets out of his Leprechaun costume, he’ll post his Top 10.
Round 1
Team
Pick
1
Arizona Cardinals
Kyler Murray (Oklahoma)
QB
2
San Francisco 49ers
Nick Bosa (OSU)
DE
3
New York Jets
Quinnen Williams (Alabama)
DL
4
Oakland Raiders
Josh Allen (Kentucky)
Edge
5
Tampa Bay Bucs
D.K. Metcalf (Ole Miss)
WR
6
New York Giants
Montez Sweat (Miss State)
DE
7
Jacksonville Jaguars
Rashaan Gary (Michigan)
DE
8
Detroit Lions
Christian Wilkins (Clemson)
DL
9
Buffalo Bills
Jawaan Taylor (Florida)
OL
10
Denver Broncos
Ed Oliver (Houston)
DL
I’m this big!
Instant Analysis: If you were to ask me one week ago, I would have told you the Kyler Murray to Arizona talk was a total smokescreen. Now…call me naïve…but I’m totally buying this. Sure, Arizona traded up in last year’s draft to get their quarterback of the future in Josh Rosen…but that was soooo last year. New Coach new quarterback. Simply put: Kyler’s Kliff Kingbury’s guy, and if we know anything about Kliff Kingsbury, it’s that he picks the right partners.
Good eye for talent.
San Francisco should take about 1 second to get to the
podium, as Nick Bosa is an absolute no brainer.
I also think Quinnen Williams and Josh Allen are no brainers as well. Things will get interesting at 5. Tampa could go in a number of directions, but
this is Jameis’ last stand, and pairing D.K. with Mike Evans would be a solid
1-2 punch (or at least enough cover for the front office to draft Tua next
year).
Speaking of a number of directions, the Giants are at 6 and
everyone is screaming qb. However, David
Gettelman has a plan, and that plan involves re-building with a 38-year-old quarterback. This pick (and their other first round pick)
will be defense, as the Giants finally remember a long-forgotten football mantra: Defense (and Saquon Barkley) wins championships. I also think the Giants will trade for Josh
Rosen. His price will only go down the
closer you get to the Draft, so hold tight G-Men.
Rounding out the rest of the Top 10, the Bills luck out by
the run on defensive players and grab the best tackle in the draft with Jawaan
Taylor.
Also, this Top 10 assumes no trades. No way that’s going to happen. If Dwayne Haskins slips past the Giants,
there’s a good chance a qb needy team like Miami or Washington sneak in to the
Top 10.
Tomorrow either the Patriots (barf) or Rams will hoist the Lombardi Trophy and become World Champions. But let’s get onto what really matters (no, not the commercials!), the GAMBLING!
Sportbook William-Hill is offering more than 440 prop bets on the big game. We’ve scoured the prop sheet to cherry-pick our favorite action (you won’t find the over/under on the length of the National Anthem, or the color of Adam Levine’s shirt), without further ado…..
Prop
GK
RR
Opening Coin Toss Winner
Rams
NE
First Pass by
Tom Brady: Complete or Incomplete
Complete
Complete
First
Reception by Julian Edelman, (O/U) 9.5 yards
O
U
First Rush by
James White, (O/U) 3.5 yards
U
U
Total Rushing
Yards by Tom Brady, (O/U) 1.5
U
U
Total Rushing
Yards by James White, (O/U) 17.5
O
O
Longest
Reception by Rob Gronkowski (O/U) 20.5
O
U
Total
Completions by Jared Goff (O/U) 24.5
U
O
Total
Touchdown Passes by Jared Goff (O/U) 2
O
O
Longest Rush
by Todd Gurley (O/U) 20.5
U
U
First
Reception by Todd Gurley, (O/U) 7.5 yards
U
O
First Rushing
Attempt by CJ Anderson (O/U) 3.5 yards
O
U
Total
Receptions by Josh Reynolds (O/U) 3.5
O
O
Longest
Reception by Robert Woods (O/U) 22.5 yards
O
U
What will
happen first, Rams score or punt
Score
Punt
More
Completions: Brady or Goff
Brady
Brady
More Gross
Passing Yards: Brady or Goff
Goff
Goff
More
Touchdown Passes: Brady or Goff
Brady
Goff
Jersey Number
of First Player to Score a Touchdown (O/U) 26.5
O
U
More Points:
Gostkowski or Zuerlein
Zuerlein
Zuerlein
First Team to
use Coach’s Challenge
NE
NE
Total QB
Sacks by both teams, (O/U) 3.5
U
U
Shortest
Touchdown of the game, (O/U) 1.5 yards
U
U
First Team to
Score
Rams
NE
Longest Field
Goal of the Game (O/U) 47.5
O
O
Longest
Touchdown of the Game (O/U) 49.5
O
U
Team to score
last in the first half
NE
NE
Game will be
decided by exactly 3 points (Y/N)
N
N
Total Number
of Players to have a passing attempt, (O/U) 2.5
O
O
Will there be
a Special Teams or Defensive Touchdown (Y/N)
…and that’s not just the delusional Bills fan in me speaking. They are going to win because they are the better team (expert analysis!).
Let’s get it on!
Before I dissect the reasons (spoiler alert, there’s only one reason the Rams are going to win, but it’s a big fuckin reason. So feel free to skip the next 800 words or so if you’re in a hurry or if you’re like me and the only chance you have to freely read sports articles is while on the shitter), I’ve got to throw a Tuesday Teabag at this:
Juuuust when you thought you couldn’t hate this cheatin’ kalehole anymore he doubles down on the douche. He’s leading the charge, and dropping the mic, on the ‘we’re not going anywhere underdog’ platform?! I just threw up all over the keyboard. Pre-season favorite to win the AFC. GOAT Coach. GOAT QB. 3rd consecutive trip to the Super Bowl (geez, I’m only adding to Ginger King’s argument here). But yeah, they want the underdog role too. GTFO!
Recency bias is a dangerous beast, and it’s causing NFL fans to forget everything that happened prior to the Conference Championships. The lasting image fans have of the Patriots: they went to Arrowhead and beat Mahomes and the high-flying Chiefs. Forget the fact that they played a perfect game, got a fortuitous bounce (it hit Edelmen’s thumb btw), and seemingly had every replay review go their way. And they still needed overtime to pull off the victory; an overtime that included winning the coin flip (about the only thing Belichick hasn’t found a way to cheat….yet), converted three 3rd-and-10’s, and got an inexplicable defensive off-sides that negated an ugly Tom Brady interception. It also helps when you’re coaching against a Walrus. Good God, still waiting for that defense adjustment Andy Reid. Maybe mix in a blitz or two. Enjoy those timeouts you get to take with you to the links.
And on the flipside, the lasting impression of your NFC
Champion LA Rams: you don’t belong. You
don’t deserve to be here. You got a free
call. A non-call, which don’t get me wrong,
was historically egregious, but it didn’t/wouldn’t have ended the game. Honestly, the Saints piss pour clock
management (incomplete pass on 1st down) set themselves up to have
to throw in that spot. The Saints, like
the Patriots, won the stupid coin toss in overtime. Was that blown call still clouding Drew Brees’
judgment when he tossed that lame duck pick?
The Rams caught a break, but they won that game.
Choppa style
So the narrative is born:
The Greatest Destiny ever assembled vs. the team that doesn’t belong. And
the Rams are going to have to hear that ALL.WEEK. LONG. If that doesn’t put a chip on their shoulder,
nothing will!
If this game were played at a neutral location, at ANY point during the season, the Rams would be favored. Probably by a field goal. Yet, the line is Patriots -2.5 (hullo value bet!). And 78% of the money has come in on the Patriots, which means Vegas stands to make a boatload of money if one of these three scenarios plays out:
Rams win.
Rams lose by 1.
Rams lose by 2.
I think siding with the books is what they call “smart money”.
Offensively, the Rams are going to be able to move the ball. Belichick’s MO has always been to “take away the other team’s best player”. The Chiefs gameplan was a clinic. Double-team the best player (Tyreek Hill); put Gilmore in one-on-one coverage against the other team’s No. 2 receiver (Watkins); crowd the middle of the field to take the read away from the tight-end (Kelce) and make RB’s and No. 3 WR beat you while twisting and stunting your defensive linemen to generate pressure. Except, the Rams don’t rely on a number No.1 guy, they spread the ball around to Woods, Cooks, and Reynolds (who’s picked up the slack after they lost Cooper Kupp). McVay, the boy genius, has no qualms committing to running the ball (48 carries [!] for 273 yards against the #5 Dallas rush defense/ 26 carries – despite falling behind early- for 80 yards against the Saints #1 rush defense). Moving the ball and scoring points has never been a problem for the No. 3 overall offense in football. It also doesn’t hurt that they have the best special teams unit in the NFL, a pro bowl punter (who’s not afraid to fake it) and a kicker whose nickname is ‘The Leg’.
Greg the Leg for the win!
But like I said, there’s one reason, and one reason only why the Rams are going to win this game: their DEFENSIVE LINE. A nasty defensive line is the ultimate cheat code to beat the Patriots! It’s their kryptonite. It’s shooting your shot at the Death Stars’ one weakness! A stroll down memory lane shall we:
2002
SB36
New England
20, St. Louis 17
W
2004
SB38
New England
32, Carolina 29
W
2005
SB39
New England
24, Philadelphia 21
W
2008
SB42
New York
Giants 17, New England 14
L
2012
SB46
New York Giants 21, New England 17
L
2015
SB49
New England 28, Seattle Seahawks 24
W
2017
SB51
New England 34, Atlanta Falcons 28
W
2018
SB52
Philadelphia Eagles 41, New England 33
L
Look at those 3 (soon to be 4) big fat L’s and tell me what they have in common. No, not that they are all NFC East teams, smartass. All the teams that beat the Patriots had sick defensive lines. Remember Tuck, Strahan and Umenyiora harassing the shit out of Brady all game long (Ginger King sure does). Last year’s Eagle line played behind the line of scrimmage all game long. And speaking of those Eagle, the Rams front four is eerie similar:
Cox = Donald
Bennett = Suh
Long = Fowler
Graham = Brockers
’bout to go on that TB12 diet
In fact, the Rams front four is MORE talented. Aaron Donald is the non-QB MVP of the league with his league leading 20.5 sacks (from the DT position!)! Donald consistently beats double teams with his blend of power, speed, and quickness. And if you double him all game long (which you should), you’re leaving Suh one on one. Suh is a beast…when he wants to be. Sure, he takes of plays/games/months and is the Santa Claus of dirty plays (always seemingly pulling a new one out of the bag), but when motivated, the big man still gets after it. As such, he was a difference maker in both of the Rams playoff games this year.
Sure, the Patriots have “experience” on their side, but that
shit doesn’t matter. Doug Peterson and
Big Dick Nick didn’t have experience last year.
But they were aggressive, took the fight to the Patriots, went for it on
4th down and scored touchdowns, not field goals. Yeah, I think McVay will be just fine.
“Yeah, I think McVay will be just fine”
So give me the Rams straight up and let me enjoy those Gisele Bundchen tears once again!
Hi friends. We’re back at it with full Super Bowl coverage. Roid Rage will try to explain to you why the Rams will win the Super Bowl (you know, the team that doesn’t even belong there and has Todd Gurley at 60% health). Good luck with that. I don’t care how hot Sean McVay’s girlfriend is (which, for the record, is really hot), not even that will stop me from going with what we all know, whether we want to admit it: the New England Patriots will win the Super Bowl.
But Ginger King, isn’t this a departure from your normal, anti-everything New England (except chowder, that shit’s delicious). Yes, but I forgot to tell you my New Year’s resolution:
Embrace Evil.
Evil begets evil
Yes. With Sith blood flowing freely through my veins, I can finally recognize and appreciate the greatness of the best football dynasty of all time. It’s an unprecedented level of success. Since the turn of the century, the Patriots have won the AFC East 16 times (including 10 in a row) with 5 Super Bowls. All with the same Coach, same quarterback, and same plug and play receivers and cornerbacks.
The Patriots have been so good, for so long, that they need to invent their own problems. TB12, Deflategate, awkwardly long mouth to mouth kisses with your children…the Patriots are that bored that they need to make shit up. And here’s the latest: that they’re the underdog.
Hands of an underdog.
Seriously. Is anyone buying this? Vegas was, for a hot second, when the Patriots were underdogs to Kansas City, you know, the new, high scoring team with a hot shot young quarterback (sound familiar?). Well, that didn’t last long, and it didn’t take long for the Patriots to acknowledge it either. The New England smugness was in full effect, just minutes after the AFC Championship Game.
And why were the Patriots thought of as underdogs, you ask? Because [putting tinfoil hat on] they manufactured that message, too. Yes, with a somewhat pedestrian regular season (by Patriot standards), the Patriots crafted this story line that they’re the underdogs. That they don’t have the firepower they used to. A muted Gronk. That they’re too old, and a shell of their former selves. Well, don’t believe it for a second. Let’s break this down, shall we.
They don’t have the firepower they used to.
FALSE. In fact, they have more firepower this year than last year. Two words: Julian Edleman. Julian may not be thought of as one of the best receivers in the league, but that’s only because you’re not thinking hard enough. Come playoff time, his numbers are HOF worthy. Edleman is second in all-time playoff receptions (behind Jerry Rice) and only needs 45 yards to be second in all-time receiving yards (again, behind Jerry Rice). And he didn’t play in the Super Bowl last year, as he was out with a knee injury. With a healthy Edleman, Brady has his do everything receiver back. And you heard it hear first: Edleman will throw a touchdown pass. We’re calling this the Patriot Special (suck it, Philly).
Muted Gronk
FALSE. Sure, our favorite meathead/future Celebrity Big Brother had a career low 3 tds, a depressing 47 receptions, and oftentimes looked slow and broken down this season (check out the Miami Miracle and you’ll see what I mean). But when it mattered, Gronk delivered. Gronk went 6/79 against Kansas City. Not spectacular, but he came through in the clutch. On their game-winning overtime drive, 3rd and 10, Brady went to Gronk, who delivered on a 15-yard reception. That was Brady’s last pass of the game. And get this: Gronk was targeted a team high (and season high) 11 times. Translation: Gronk’s Tide pod and Monster fueled body still has some gas in the tank. And it comes at the right time, against the right team.
Chest bumps for everyone!
As tough as the Rams D is, they are vulnerable to tight ends. During their Week 11 game against Kansas City, Travis Kelce went 10/127/1, with a team high 15 targets. Gronk will present the same type of matchup dilemma. It’s a matchup the Patriots will exploit, and Gronk should flourish, especially when lined out wide against a db. Look for Gronk to lead the Patriots in targets (and fist bumps).
Too Old
FALSE. This one’s hilarious. The Patriots suffer from late 90’s/early 00’s Yankees syndrome (don’t say that in Boston, btw). They’ve been so good, for so long, with such an obnoxious fucking fanbase, that everyone can’t wait for the next best thing to come along. And that shiny new toy is the Rams…the new team in a new city with the youngest head coach in the NFL. Sean McVay just turned 33 on Thursday (son of a bitch). Bill Belichick is literally twice his age. Jared Goff. Todd Gurley. Aaron Donald. The next dynasty, generation of studs, best hope to beat the Patriots.
Yes, the millennials are here and, unlike every other scenario involving millennials, the whole country is rooting for them. All of a sudden, the game has passed by the old ball coach. The hoodie is old news. Brady’s lost it. Gronk’s lost it. The dynasty is over. Correction; the dynasty is almost over. Like Bobby Bacala, Sr. in the Sopranos, Belichick’s got one more hit in him. One more trick up his sleeve. They’re just that good. Look for Bellichick to out-McVay, McVay, and call the games first trick play (e.g., fake fg/punt, trick play).
Think about the head to head comparisons.
Coaching: Patriots
Quarterback: Patriots
Receivers: Patriots
Running Backs: Push, although I can make a pretty good case this too should be the Patriots. Sorry, but there’s no way Todd Gurley is at 100% and the Rams’ offensive strategy is to lean on CJ Anderson. Not buying it. Gurley had 4 carries for 10 yards against the Saints. The Rams had 1 rushing touchdown against the Saints, and only 4 rushing touchdowns in the playoffs. Contrast that with the Patriots, who have had 8 rushing touchdowns in the playoffs, led by rookie stud Sony Michel, who has had 5 rushing touchdowns…more than the entire Rams.
Defense: Rams, but it’s a lot closer than you think. The Rams are 31st –that’s right, second to last in the league – at points allowed per game, giving up over 32 points a game. The Rams and Patriots are tied with 18 interceptions each, and the Patriots have caused more fumbles. Sure, I’m cherry picking stats to make my case, (let’s not look at sacks or Aaron Donald, ok) but everyone’s acting like this Rams D is the second coming of the ’85 Bears. Puh-lease. Not even close. And while there’s only ever been one ejection in Super Bowl history, look for hot head and dick-stomper Ndamakung Suh to double that total.
Apologies to everyone west of Massachusetts, but come Super Bowl Sunday, evil will prevail. Evil will also cover the spread, as I love the Patriots at -2.5. Sorry Rams, your fickle fanbase will soon go back to surfing and LeBron, and will forget that there’s even a team in LA, let alone two. And Tom Brady will hoist his 6th Super Bowl trophy and go back home to his supermodel wife. Evil is good.
Tight end this year is boom or bust. At the top end, there are guys that are essentially receivers, and can consistently put up big numbers. After the Top 5, however, it’s hit or miss (draft strategy alert). Therefore, if you’re not able to get one of the Top 5 TE, you’re better off waiting and taking a flyer on a guy like David Njoku or George Kittle.
