Wait a minute, an NBA related Tuesday Teabag?  We thought you hated the NBA, Machine?  Well, all it took was a drink and dial from David Stern to get our attention.  And when our attention’s focused, no one’s safe.

But first things first.  Who are Tyrone Terrell and Ron Edwards?  Well, Tyrone Terrell is the Chairman of the Twin Cities (that’s Minneapolis and St. Paul) African American Leadership Council, and Ron Edwards is the former head of the Minnesota Civil Rights Commission, and now host of a local TV show focusing on black issues.

Recently, both men came out and spoke against the fact that there are a lot of white guys on the Timberwolves.  However, both men did a little more than just acknowledge their ability to state the obvious.  They claim that having so many whiteys is intentional (read: racist).  “How did we get to a roster that resembles the 1955 Lakers?” Terrell said in a statement in the Minneapolis Star Tribune. “I think everything is a strategy. Nothing happens by happenstance.”  Chimed Edwards, “I think, personally, that was calculated.  Is this an attempt to get fans back in the stands?  Minnesota, after all, is a pretty white state.”

Holy shit.  Where do we begin?  Let’s start with Minnesota is a pretty white state.  Ok, no argument there.  The Machine’s half-Italian and we’re pretty sure that qualifies as black in Minnesota.  But the rest is just crazy.  It’s more than crazy:  it’s inflammatory and irresponsible.

So the Timberwolves have 10 (out of 15) white guys.  In other words, 33% of the roster is black, far below the league average of 78%.  Is it weird to see four white guys on the court on the same team when that team is not Princeton?  Sure, it’s weird.  But racist?  Intentionally designed to mirror the fans?  What other facts do you have to back up your claims?  Oh, nothing.  That’s not only crazy talk, but simply ignorant and, dare we say, racist itself.

First, let’s stop pretending that the front office only recruits the white.  This past offseason, the T-wolves tried to sign Jordan Hill and Nicholas Batum, both black.  Hill re-signed with the Lakers (can you blame him?) and the Trailblazer’s matched Minnesota’s offer for Batum.  Somehow, that fact was lost on both Terrell and Edwards.

Second, if we’re merely playing the percentage game, blacks make up less than 13% of the U.S. population, but shockingly Terrell and Edwards have no problem that the average NBA team is 78% black, six times more than the national average.  Shit, the Timberwolves, at 33% black, are still well above the national average.  Of course it’s not just about percentages.  It’s about winning.

Third, it’s not like the T-Wolves asked Big Country to come out of retirement, and signed John Rocker to play the 2 spot.  Their white players, Kevin Love, Ricky Rubio, Andrei Kirilenko, Luke Ridnour, Nikola Pecovik (how many of those names sound Mid-western white?) are pretty good.

Fourth, lost in all this bullshit is the fact that the T-Wolves are a very diverse team.  Five of their ten whities are foreigners, double the league average.  They have players from Spain, Russia, Montenegro (sounds black), and Puerto Rico.  In fact, you can make a good argument that the T-Wolves are the most diverse team in the NBA.

But for Terrell and Edwards, it’s not enough to be diverse.  You have to be their kind of diverse.  And if you’re not, then obviously the only answer is you’re a racist.

Look, we get that being a civil rights activist in a state where there are no black people must be boring.  And are there enough black issues in Minnesota to have a TV show?  We highly doubt it, although The Machine would love to be a guest.  Hook it up!  Bottom line, before you start playing the race card, do your homework.  Because, when you don’t, and instead make bold, factually unsupported allegations of racism where clearly none exist, you sound absolutely moronic, and nothing more than a desperate and pathetic attempt to use race as a way to get attention for yourself.

Well, consider that goal achieved.  So while you’re well on your way to winning a Source Award, congrats on the only award that matters and is truly color blind.  A Tuesday Teabag.

Let’s move off of baseball and (gasp!) football for a second and focus on another professional sport, or, more accurately, a “professional” sport.  Why throw up dick fingers around professional, you ask?  Simple.

The NHL and its union are in the middle of another labor battle, the second in eight years.  The league has already canceled games through November, and, since the league and the union can’t even agree to meet with each other (each side has stated that they are willing to meet but blamed the other for not wanting to – how is that possible?) more games will certainly be canceled, possibly the entire season.

But here’s the problem:  Nobody gives a shit.  At least, nobody in America gives a shit, and that’s all The Machine cares about (suck it, Canada).  Seriously, no one cares.  The Machine’s willing to bet if you ask 10 regular Americans their thoughts on the NHL lockout, 6 will have no clue there is one, 2 won’t even know the season should’ve already started, and the other 2 will have heard about it, but still wouldn’t be able to tell you who won the Stanley Cup last year.

Complicating matters is the fact that players have other options.  Unlike the NFL, there are other professional leagues players can turn to.  There are over 140 NHL players currently playing in other professional leagues.  And not just scrub NHL players…names like Alexander Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin, Patrick Kane, Daniel Briere, Zdeno Chara, Jaromir Jagr, the heavyweights of the NHL.  That poses a big problem.  Since the risk of injury is so high, these players run the risk of damaging their NHL careers by playing in smoked filled arenas in Moscow, which in turns runs the risk of watering down the competition when (read: if) the labor fight ends.

But I digress.  Another, perhaps bigger, problem is there is no pressure to get a deal done.  The owners, you know, the rich, old white guys that buy sports franchises for fun, are already rich as shit and thus will not sign a deal just to sign a deal.  The players, unlike the NFL, have other, good paying jobs to seek refuge to.  And, to top it off, the public by and large doesn’t care (contrast this with the NFL last year, when people went ape-shit after the Hall of Fame pre-season game was canceled).  All of this combined leads to no incentive to get back on the ice anytime soon.

Hey, if there’s any professional athlete that deserves to make bank, it’s an NHL player.  These guys risk their lives every game.  If you’ve ever been to an NHL game (watching it on TV doesn’t really do it justice) you see firsthand the speed, power, and bone-crushing hits that define the NHL.  It’s an amazing contrast of finesse and force.

However, that alone won’t get you paid.  Size matters, and in professional sports, the size that matters is the size of your TV deal, endorsements, merchandise sales, and ticket sales.  And, in these areas, the NHL is light years behind the rest.  The NHL ranks fifth in total revenue, behind the NFL, MLB, NBA, EPL (that’s English Premier League, America); just above perennial last place league the MLS).

Bottom line:  get your asses in a conference room and get a deal done.  Shit, go to any city in Canada where you will actually feel pressure from the public to end this.  Two lockouts in eight years is unacceptable for any sport, and even more so for a sport with fleeting public interest and low revenues.

And while the league and the union continue to blame each other, here’s something they both can take credit for.  A Tuesday Teabag.