Tuesday Teabag, November 6, 2012 – The Electoral College

After taking a beating in College football over the weekend (thanks Notre Dame) The Machine is switching gears and putting on its political dunce cap.  Hey, we got to put that Political Science degree to some use.

Anywho, after being relentlessly bombarded with political ads over the past few months (did you know Democrats burn the Flag while aborting babies, and Republicans beat the homeless with Bibles?) it all comes down one night:  Election Night, baby!  Drama, intrigue, Wolf Blitzer!  What could be wrong with that?

A lot, actually.  Every four years, America gets reacquainted with the Electoral College, and reminded that we’re not really a democracy at all.  What is the Electoral College, you ask?  Well, you could log on to facebook and read a thrilling discourse on American politics posted by your friends, your ex, and the creepy people whose friend requests you were afraid not to accept, or you can bypass those losers and come right to The Machine.

The Electoral College is the most irrelevant College in the World, even more so than Bryant and Stratton.  The Electoral College is like the Anniversary BJ, except comes around less frequently, if that’s even possible.

Truth is, no one knows what the Electoral College actually is, not even the freaks on facebook.  Wikipedia tells you it’s designed to protect the rights of smaller states, however the smaller states have fewer electoral college votes, so how are they really protected?  Anyone catch that Presidential speech in Bismark?  No?  That’s because no one gives a shit about their 3 Electoral College votes.  And if there was no Electoral College…we still wouldn’t give a shit about North Dakota.

The Electoral College—unlike the Anniversary BJ—serves no good purpose.  Underscoring that is the fact that you never hear from the Electoral College.  Pull back the curtain and let us know what you’re all about.  Show us why you’re important and necessary to our presidential elections.  Instead, we get silence, and The Machine does not like people who won’t defend their honor.

Fact:  the Electoral College is as useful as that Hospitality Management degree from Bryant and Stratton (which only leads to a career in stripping btw).  Enjoy your Tuesday Teabag, Electoral College.

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