What’s more annoying than a former professional athlete complaining about present ones?  Nothing, really.  But what makes it super annoying is when said former athlete is (a) on TV every Sunday, (b) generally obnoxious, and (c) has a hidden agenda.  Cue Terry Bradshaw.

Bradshaw recently complained about Drew Brees’ record breaking 48 straight games with a touchdown pass, and how he was “upset” with how Drew made such a spectable of the whole thing by lobbying to have Sean Payton in the stands to watch him break the record.  Fine.  You think it was over the top, self-serving, a little presumptuous, perhaps?  Possibly.  However, when Drew broke the record (hey Terry, since he did it 47 fucking times in a row, it was a pretty good presumption) there was no on field celebration.  They didn’t stop the game, or have a special celebration.  People clapped, and Fox went to commercial.  That’s it.  So what’s the big deal?  What’s really bugging Terry?

It seems what’s really bothering Terry is the fact that these records are being broken in the first place, thus pushing former players (ahem) deeper into obscurity.  And what better way to discredit the modern players than calling into question the institution of records.  Said Terry, “I’m not much on that stuff … I’m not into records, fellas.  I’m just into winning football games.”  The has been continued, “I’m not into records, I’m into winning Super Bowls … These things aren’t important.  We lose sight of why we play.  We play to win and to win championships, not to break records.”

Well, The Machine is here to call bullshit on good old Terry.  You see, two days after Terry made those remarks, Ben Roethlisberger set the Steelers all-time passing record.  Whose record did he break, you ask?  You betcha, Terry P. Bradshaw’s.  Coincidence?  Come on, son.  The transparency is laughable.

So, when your record is about to be broken, all of a sudden records don’t matter anymore?  And, instead of being humble and magnanimous like say…Johnny Unitas (who was an absolute pro and handled Brees breaking his record with a sense of class and professionalism that is beyond Terry), you undermine your record breaker, in a completely dickish way.

Hey Terry, The Machine will let you in on a little secret.  The Steelers won 4 Super Bowls in the 70’s despite you, not because of you.  Your 12.25 completions in those Super Bowls hardly made a difference (don’t worry, you don’t hold the record for worst performance by a Steelers QB in a Super Bowl…Big Ben beat you there as well).

No Terry, you’re just a sad, bitter man that won’t let go of the past, which is funny, seeing as how you have no problem letting go of your failed marriages (Super Bowls 4, ex-wives 3).  Records, like your marriages, are made to be broken.  Get over it.

But here’s a record that no one can take from you.  First Steelers Tuesday Teabag.  You deserve it.

We know, Rex Ryan is a weekly shoe-in for a Tuesday Teabag (don’t worry, you can be a multiple award winner).  As if you need another reason to hate the Jets, they have the most overrated, loud mouth, all talk no action Coach in the NFL…perhaps in all sports (Ozzie Guillen may have something to say about that).

Look, there’s no one that loves to talk shit more than The Machine.  If trash talking were an Olympic Sport, The Machine is Michael Phelps.  But listen, to succeed in the art of trash talking (and believe us, it is an art) you must back it up. And that’s what Rex fails to understand.

Rex n effect has been talking trash forever.  When he first arrived in NY, it was mildly entertaining.  He made it to back-to-back AFC Championship games, so he had some room to talk.  He wore a wig to poke fun at his (equally overrated) brother Rob.  Christ, he wrote a book about how the Jets are the real New York team.

Now, he’s all talk with no results (how long ago do those playoff appearances fee?).  All of his bold moves and pronouncements have been complete and utter failures.  Making Santonio Holmes a Captain?  Failure.  Tim Tebow?  Failure.  Foot-gate?  Jury’s still out on that one (The Machine has a slight cougar foot fetish).  Now, in his latest effort to bring relevancy to the Jets, he declared that Darrelle Revis would not go on IR because, if the Jets make it to the Super Bowl, he may be healthy enough to play.  That was right before the Jets got absolutely smoked at home to the Niners, 34-0.  For a man that prides himself on defense, you gave up 34 points at home to an Alex Smith led offense.   Horrible.

Sure, you’re in first place at 2-2, but not for long.  Your strategy of talking shit to take the heat off you’re your players has, like your use of the Wildcat, been a complete disaster.  Instead, your antics have caused derision and resentment to run rampant through the locker room.  However, do you think Rex will finally learn to shut up and just coach?  Of course not.  Instead, look for Jabba the Hut to find new ways to create attention.

What will Rex do, you ask?  It’s simple:  he’ll start Tim Tebow.  It’s the biggest attention-grabbing stunt he can pull (unless you want to release some more home movies starring Mrs. Ryan).  It’s his last trump card, and it will lead to a total clusterfuck.  Not only will he destroy the season (come on, no matter how many WWJD bracelets this guy wears, he’s not an NFL quarterback) but it will cause irreparable damage with Mark Sanchez.  However, it will get ESPN to have a full time, round the clock crew following the Jets.  And that’s the only thing Rex is good at.

NFL Announcers

Yes, this is the first teabag that goes to an entire group of people.  Why, do you ask?  First, stereotyping is fun.  Second, and arguably more important, if you watched any of the games on Sunday (for the record, if you didn’t watch at least 3 games while constantly checking your fantasy score(s), then you’re on the wrong website) you no doubt noticed the constant talking about replacement referees.

Look, we get it.  Nobody likes the replacement refs.  There’s actually talk that (gasp!) a female referee was among these scabs.  However, listening to the announcers on Sunday, plus all the pre and post game shows…yes, we watch those too, much to the amazement of Mrs. Machine (“you already watched and know the scores of every game, why do you need to see highlights set to music?”) every time a flag was thrown or a call was made, it was questioned in the booth as to whether it was legit or not.  None more annoying than the cut shot to Mike Pereira during the Seahawks/Cardinals game.  Ok, the Seahawks got an extra time out.  Big fucking deal, it didn’t affect the game at all.  Listening to Sam Rosen and Heath Evans (FYI there’s a reason these fuckers are calling the Seahawks/Cardinals game) you’d think the scab refs were running around clueless.

When did the regular referees get put on pedestals that can do no wrong?  Remember when the refs got the coin toss wrong on the Lions/Steelers Thanksgiving overtime game?  Pretty sure the scabs didn’t get that wrong over the weekend.  There are countless other times the “real” refs messed up.  In fact, instant replay was created to erase the human error made by the “real” refs.

Listen, nobody wants to see Ed Hochuli and his guns back on the field more than The Machine, but it’s such low hanging fruit for the announcers to complain and question every time the scab refs make a call, and equaling annoying when they patronize a correct call.  Just shut up and call the game.  If it’s going to be like this every week, then this labor dispute needs to end now.  Until then, The Machine will boil with rage every time Kenny and Moose dissect a holding call.