Monthly Archives: November 2013

Tuesday Teabag, November 5, 2013 – Richie Incognito

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O'Doyle Rules!!!

O’Doyle Rules!!!

When is too much of a good thing bad?  Look no further than this week’s Tuesday Teabag Award recipient, Richie Incognito.  Richie took an innocent thing that is rookie pranks (or hazing if you’re a liberal with no sense of humor) to a whole new level, and in the process is the first player banned for being a bully. #thisaintyourdaddysnfl

Bullying is all the rage in high school, prompting an outpour of anti-bullying campaigns.  #bulliesaremean #stopitdouche.  [sidebar:  The Machine (not so) fondly remembers being ridiculed for our (sweet looking) ginger locks EVERY DAY in high school…way to come late to the party you anti-bullying freaks].  I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise that this behavior exists outside of high school, and it shouldn’t be any surprise that this type of behavior exists in an NFL locker room.  But Richie took it to a whole new level.

Last week, it was announced that Miami Dolphin Jonathon Martin, a second year pro out of Stanford, took a leave of absence from the team after suffering an “emotional breakdown” in the lunch room after he was teased by other players.  [sidebar:  NFL teams have lunch rooms?  Shit, it really is like high school.]  As soon as this story broke, The Machine thought two things:  (1) there’s way more to this story, and (2) Richie Incognito’s involved.

Why would we think Richie’s involved?  First, one look at the guy screams “uncontrollable rage” and “meathead”.  Then, there’s this.  And this.  And this.  And this.  Here’s a nice timeline of his dickbag behavior.  Oh, and Richie is annually rated as one of the most dirtiest players in the NFL.  Yeah, he’s a special kind of asshole.  However, when the story first broke, we thought maybe Martin’s a bit over-sensitive and that his tenure at Stanford didn’t really prepare him for the good-natured ribbing that goes on in the NFL.  Then, we learned that Richie (allegedly) forced Martin to pay $15k to cover the cost for a trip to Las Vegas (that Martin didn’t even go on).  Then, we learned that Richie (allegedly) left the following voice message to Martin:

“Hey, wassup, you half n—– piece of s—. I saw you on Twitter, you been training 10 weeks. [I want to] s— in your f—ing mouth. [I’m going to] slap your f—ing mouth. [I’m going to] slap your real mother across the face [laughter]. F— you, you’re still a rookie. I’ll kill you.”

Wowee.  And, we’re willing to bet that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  The Machine’s money is on a treasure trove of incriminating evidence against Richie.  It’s a combination of (a) Richie’s that dumb to leave voice messages and probably texts and e-mails too, and (b) Martin’s that smart to keep it all.

And Miami had no choice but to suspend Incognito, especially after the (alleged) voice message that made Riley Cooper look like choir boy.  You know that, for the Dolphins to suspend him, the conduct had to be egregious by any reasonable standard.

Why is that?  Because the NFL (and every sports league in the world) tolerates a certain level of hazing.  You always hear of rookies being tied to the goalposts, or having to carry the veterans’ shoulder pads to practice, or picking up the dinner tab for the team.  These things are reported almost matter-of-factly.  Of course that’s going to happen, and we’re ok with that.  These are grown ass millionaires, and the rookies need to be taught a lesson by the veterans.  It’s all about respect.  But, too much of a good thing can be bad.  And in this case, the “good thing” has turned into harassment.

True to his character, Richie refuses to stand down, and, instead of keeping a low profile, has taken to Twitter to defend himself/threaten the media:

 

 

 

We’re going to go out on a limb here and say that threatening people on social media is probably not the best way to go about restoring your name.  We’re also willing to bet that Richie’s played his last game in the NFL (imminent departure alert:  we bet the Dolphins release him by the end of the week).  But don’t give them too much credit.  It’s easy for the Dolphins and the league to come down hard on him…it’s 100% clear he’s in the wrong, just like it’s easy to cut the bench player that gets popped for a DWI but not the star player.

Clearly someone in the front office watches Glee, because it looks like they’re taking this seriously, however the question remains:  are they really taking it seriously, or are they forced to because of the severity of it?  There are broader questions here for the league to answer.  What about other “normal” rookie participation events, like being tied to the goalpost, carrying shoulder pads, and getting stuck with the dinner bill?  How far is the NFL going to go to police this conduct?  What about last year, when JPP threw Prince Amukamara in the cold tub because Prince was perceived as “soft.”  Is that too much?  Where do you draw the line?

It’s easy to draw the line with Richie (surprisingly, he still has some supporters in the locker room).  The league must be (silently) happy that it’s this clear-cut.  But what about the (soon to be organized) group of people (likely the same people who want Redskins changed) that will argue for anti-bullying laws?  Will the league step in and regulate other conduct that has historically been tolerated/encouraged as “team-building exercises”?  We’re willing to bet that the average NFL fan (and player) would not be in favor of banning (or regulating) the other conduct mentioned above.  It would be viewed by many as a further wussification of the NFL.  A place where tolerance and individuality are appreciated?  Fuck that, carry my bags rook.

And, something that’s being overlooked here, but the Dolphins played off of Richie’s bad-boy behavior?  What do we mean?  Here’s the pre-game video played before Dolphins games:

They knew he was a ticking timebomb, and there’s no way they just became aware of what he was doing to Martin.  Makes you think that they’re taking it seriously not because they just found out about it, but because everyone else did.

It will be interesting to see where the league takes this, but that’s a story for another day.  In the meantime, if Richie wants to play professional football again, he better read a few chapters of The Machine’s book, “The Perception of Compliance” (let’s be honest folks, there’s no way he really going to change, he’s from New Jersey after all).  We’re not sure if he has any small children (biologically or being held against their will) but if he does he should bring them to a playground ASAP.  Cover up the tatted arms and be all smiles while your child (actual or kidnap victim) plays on the see-saw.  Perhaps a photo or two at the Dairy Queen where your faces are covered in chocolate ice cream AND rainbow sprinkles (using both shows your racial and gender orientation sensitivity).  You can bang that out in an afternoon and have plenty of time left in the day to hate minority groups and the gays (% that Richie’s a homophobe:  1000%).

Embarking on an “I’m the victim” campaign ain’t gonna cut it, not when those (alleged) voice mails get leaked, and continuing to threaten people on Twitter probably isn’t the right strategy either.  If he’s smart, he lays low for a while and then comes out with a big mea culpa and a Certificate of Sensitivity Training.  However, we all know that’s a big if.

Enjoy your teabag.

Week 9 – Fantasy Waiver Wire Pick Ups

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As all us fantasy nerds know, picking up guys on the waiver wire is a crap shoot.  You’re a triage doctor (yes, we equate managing a fantasy football team with performing emergency medical procedures) trying to stop the bleeding so your patient can live another day.  Or (perhaps a more appropriate analogy) you need a slump buster, a quick hit to get your team back in the game.  Either way, it’s a temporary, stop-gap measure.  The name of the game is to find someone who can give you double-digit points, and it’s always hit or miss.  However, loyal readers of The Machine are rewarded with more hits than misses.

Last week, we hit on two of our waiver wire picks ups.  What Terrelle Pryor didn’t do in the air (88/0/2) he certainly made up for it on the ground, rushing for 106 yards and a touchdown, including this record-breaking 93 yard run: 

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Brandon Boldin also posted double-digit numbers, rushing for a touchdown in the Pats come from behind win agaist Miami.  Sure, we struck out (big time) with Chris Ivory and Jerome Kerley (we knew recommending Jets players was a bad idea) but we hope you found a spot on your roster for Andre Brown (if not, get him now).

Anyway, on to his weeks’ waiver wire pick-ups.

Dexter could be your savior. If you're a Blackmon owner, get him now.

Dexter could be your savior. If you’re a Blackmon owner, get him now.

Dexter McCluster, WR Kansas City (% owned in Yahoo Fantasy League, 18%)

Is your team in desperate need of a WR, either because of a bye week or because Justin Blackmon can’t put down the pipe?  Well Dexter’s your answer.  Frankly, The Machine is shocked that Dexter is only owned in 18% of leagues.  That is guaranteed to double by next week.  Dexter is quickly becoming Alex “Captain Checkdown” Smith’s favorite target.  After starting the season slow, Dexter has turned it on lately, posting consecutive double-digit performances, including a solid 20+ point game last week, going 7/67/1 and leading the team with 10 targets. 

With Dwayne Bowe a complete failure, and Alex Smith unable to throw the ball more than 10 yards, Dexter is the number one receiving option in Kansas City.  We like his chances this week against a Buffalo D that is vulnerable to the underneath throws.

Jake, when healthy, has put up surprisingly solid numbers.

Jake, when healthy, has put up surprisingly solid numbers.

Jake Locker, QB Tennessee (36%)

The Machine was shocked to see that Jake is still available in over 60% of leagues.  Clearly, he hasn’t reached everyday starter status, and injuries have only allowed him to only play 5 games so far, but he’s definitely worth a spot on your bench, and, if you need a qb this week, Jake the Snake has a great matchup against St. Louis.  Jake has proven to be turnover resistant, throwing only 1 int all year, compared with 9 total tds (8 passing, 1 rushing).  All in 5 games.  In his last start 2 weeks ago, Jake had a breakout game and went 326/2/1 against a tough 49ers D.  We like his chances against the Rams this week.  He’s also got the ability to pick up points on the ground, and is worth a start if you need a qb this week.

With Jake under center, Nate's in line for a big game.

With Jake under center, Nate’s in line for a big game.

Nate Washington, WR Tennessee (40%)

No one is happier to see Jake back on the field than Nate Washington.  In 5 games with Jake behind center, Nasty Nate’s averaged double-digit fantasy numbers, 4.4/78.  In the 2 games without Jake, he’s averaged single digits, 2/22.5.  Not surprisingly, his 2 tds this year have come from Jake.  Needless to say, Nate should be able to reach double-digit numbers this week. 

Always a hit or miss, but we like Moore's chances against the Jets.

Always a hit or miss, but we like Moore’s chances against the Jets.

Lance Moore, WR New Orleans (40%)

Caution:  starting any Saints receiver not named Graham is a risk.  They are all boom or bust, including Moore, who’s been beset by the injury bug and has only played in 4 games so far.  After a 4 week absence, Moore was back on the field and posted a respectable 3/34/1.  While the yardage total was low, Moore had more targets than Graham (4 to 3) and Brees likes to use him in the redzone.  Also, Moore was tied for 1st in receptions.  The only problem there is that he was tied with 5 other players.  That’s the problem with starting any receiver not named Graham.  And while we also like Kenny Stills (although he’s now owned in 70% (verify) of leagues so probably not an option for you at this point) we like Moore’s shiftiness as a slot receiver against the Jets, who historically are not good matching up against slot receivers.  This, in our humble/expert opinion, gives Moore the edge over Stills this week. 

Because of Moore’s (and every receiver not named Graham’s) boom or bust tendencies, there are other WRs out there we like (Dexter or Nate).  But if they’re gone, or you just like rolling the dice, Lance is your guy.

Coby should see his targets increase.

Coby should see an increase in targets.

Coby Fleener, TE, Indy (46%)

If you’re a Julius Thomas or Vernon Davis owner looking for a replacement this week, or perhaps stuck with a TE that has been putting up inconsistent numbers (Kyle Rudolph) Coby Fleener provides an attractive option for you.  With Reggie Wayne out for the year, Andrew Luck will need someone else to throw the ball to.  And while that means DHB should get more touches, he is wildly inconsistent (and our sources tell us nursing a hamstring injury – verify).  This puts Fleener, Andrew’s college roommate and safety valve, at the top of our list to see an increased workload in Indy’s offense. 

Can Terrelle deliver another solid performance. We think so.

Can Terrelle deliver another solid performance? We think so.

Terrelle Pryor, QB, Oakland (54%)

Hmmm, last week Terrelle was only owned in 35% of leagues, and now he’s up to over half.  We wonder what could have let to that dramatic uptick in ownership?  Well, expect to see that number rise.  Terrelle has a great matchup this week, at home, against a porous Eagles D.  Look for Terrelle to approach 100 yards on the ground again.