Tuesday Teabag, July 24th

Larry Johnson did help The Machine win a fantasy championship, so it’s not all bad.

(note:  before reading, insert your Twister Sister Stay Hungry tape, Side A, Song 3, Burn in Hell).  Enjoy.

Sure, they may have taken a hundred wins from you, but congratulations Joe Pa, you’ve won your first Tuesday Teabag Award, posthumous!  Sure, The Machine generally frowns upon speaking badly about the dead (on the contrary, our Dick Clark celebrity death pool celebration may have been a bit over the top), but you sir deserve every piece of dribble and trash coming your way!  So, fuck you!  You gainfully employed a KNOWN pedophile and covered for the creep while he destroyed so many young lives, just so you could protect your bullshit football program!  Then you negotiated your golden parachute just as the scandal was breaking!  And the best you could give us was Todd Blackledge, Courtney Brown and Ki-Jana Carter?!  Thanks Joe!

The only thing more sickening than this whole story is the fact that NOTHING will actually change in the cultural fabric of college football.  Really, this travesty could have happened at any of the big college football programs:  Alabama, Florida, Ohio State, Notre Dame (oh wait, ND is a religious institution steeped in the Catholic faith, a sex scandal involving little boys….err); take your pick.  Big time college football equals big time money.  The greed and lust of these major universities is more important than morality, reasonability, education, and apparently even sexual crimes against children.  If Mark Emmert really wanted to drop the proverbal hammer he should have cancelled ALL NCAA Football for a year.  But he didn’t.  So instead we are left to pile on you, Joe Pa, and all of your bullshit supporters.  That includes you Lou Holtz.  You were well on your way to losing all credibility with your shitty ESPN College Gameday coverage.  Those “coaches’ corner” segments are brutal (seriously ESPN, just tell him the camera’s on, he won’t know the difference).  But with your recent comments that the penalty was too harsh, and the NCAA is destroying Joe Pa’s legacy, you stepped over the line old man.  You’re absolutely what everyone hates about college football right now:  protecting the coaching fraternity above all else.

But enough about Lou, let’s get back to the Machine’s first ever Tuesday Teabag winner.  Joe Pa, you built a 40+ year career preaching honor, discipline, and integrity.  How could you possibly live with yourself, and more importantly, why?  Simple:  money and ego.  The NCAA fined Penn St. $60 million, which sounds like a lot, until you realize that represents the ANNUAL revenue of the football program.  That’s all you need to know.  Joe Pa wouldn’t let anything ruin that cash cow, or tarnish his image or quest to be the all-time winningest coach.  Irony’s a bitch, huh?  Your name will always be associated with this scandal, and you will never regain your place as one of the greatest coaches of all time (sorry bro, but they don’t put statues back up after they’ve been torn down.  Just ask Saddam).  

And to State College, please stop wallowing in your ignorance; get your head out of your ass and show the rest of world that you won’t turn a blind eye to the facts, unlike Joe Pa.  The simple truth is no penalty could have been too harsh.  Burn in hell.

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