Wow, our first TT of 2013!  The Machine (and Mrs. Machine) was nursing a mega-hangover on New Year’s Day (and thus unable to type, let alone form coherent thoughts), but now The Machine’s (reasonably) sober, and ready to get back to doing our dream job!

2013’s not even a week old, and there are plenty of teabags to go around (we’re looking at you Mike Shanahan).  Surprisingly, Mike and his (career ending?) decision to leave RGIII in the game despite his noticeable (career ending?) knee injury gets a pass.  Instead, our focus is not on one individual, but an entire group of people (#stereotypingcanbefun).

Being from Central New York (an “Upstater”) The Machine couldn’t help but take notice of Doug Marrone, the former SU Football coach who left to become the head coach of the Buffalo Bills.  On its surface, it’s not that much of a story:  college coach becomes NFL coach.  Happens all the time, sometimes good (see Pete Carroll, 2012), sometimes not so good (see Pete Carroll, 1994).  But it wasn’t the fact that he left, but rather the reaction from the SU fans, that makes this story teabagable (2013 word of the year).

Indeed, The Machine’s inbox was flooded with angry messages from Cuse fans who felt betrayed that Marrone not only left them, but lied to them.  A casual perusing of The Machine’s facebook page saw dozens of angry posts, each one worse than the last, all with vitriol for Doug.

It seems that the majority of the fans’ ire is that Coach Marrone is leaving his “dream job”.  You see, when Marrone, a former player at SU, accepted the head coaching position at Syracuse four years ago, he called it his dream job, surprising considering the clusterfuck of a program he inherited.  In those four years, Marrone transformed Syracuse football from a complete joke into a respectable program that finished tied for first in the Big East this year, had two winning seasons, and was 2-0 in bowl games (inaugural winner of the Pinstripe bowl, bitches).  Without question, he improved the program, leaving it in better hands for his successor.

Because of his success, it’s natural for fans to be disappointed.  However, SU fans went right past disappointment and settled for shock and anger.  “He lied to us!” whined SU fans.  “Why would he leave his dream job?”

Let’s get a few things straight:

Number 1, no one’s dream job is in Syracuse, New York.

Number 2, of course he would call it his dream job when he was hired.  He played at Syracuse, and thus has a deep connection with the program and the University.  It’s called coach-speak.  When a coach (not named Gregg Williams), in pre-game warmups, says “we’re gonna slaughter them on the field” does he actually want his players to murder the opponent?  Let The Machine translate for you:  “This is my dream job” = “I’m excited as shit to be here.”

Number 3, every college coach wants to be an NFL coach.  The Machine learned that before learning to read.

Number 4, dreams change.  The Machine loves his job as a “sports journalist”, but if Axl Rose calls and says “your idea about a Ginger Hall of Fame (and your karaoke of Sweet Child) is incredible.  How about I fund it and you run it?”  The Machine would pack up his shit and go.  Simple as that.  The allure of the NFL will always be there.  More money, more power, and more control, three things that (a) are generally awesome and (b) are even more awesome for egotistical, power-craving football coaches.

Number 5, if there’s any outrage to go around, it should be directed at these “fans”.  Where were they during the dark days (Greg Robinson era)?  The 1-10 2005 Season—with that one win coming over Buffalo (oh sweet irony).  Were they at the Dome with their Perry Patterson jersey, cheering on their favorite team wondering where the hell the Dome Ranger is? (remember, in sickness and in health, yes, loving a sports team is like a marriage).  No.  Instead, you couldn’t give your tickets away fast enough, ashamed to even acknowledge the football team (“I really just watch basketball or (if you’re really hardcore) lacrosse”).  Now that you’ve had a little success, you come out of the woodwork with your (newly purchased) Orange football hoodie, and are somehow entitled to keeping your coach as long as you want him.

Point is:  coaches can be as fickle as their fans.  Don’t hate on Marrone because he took a better paying job, with more authority and control.  Granted, could the Buffalo Bills win the Pinstripe Bowl?  Debatable.  But remember the SU program he inherited:  they couldn’t win a goldfish at the County Fair (tossing that ping-pong ball in the bowl is pretty tough, btw) let alone a football game.

And him saying this was his “dream job” changes nothing.  Let.  It.  Go.  Does that somehow obligate him to a life long tenure?  Does he get to stay at his job regardless of how well or poor he does?  Of course not (he’s not a teacher).  You would gladly run him out of town if he didn’t perform to your expectations.

The local media, clearly not able to let the “dream job” thing go, raised this at his press conference in Buffalo, to which he responded:  “When I went in there and said it’s my dream job, I meant that. I really did.  I had the opportunity to restore that program.  That dream became a reality for me.  Now I’m moving forward with my next dream, which is to be an NFL coach.”  The Machine will gladly translate that for any SU fan still searching for answers:  “Dreams change, motherfucker.  I gave you four solid years, and built my resume…err, the program, to a respectable level.  Now this is my new dream job (until Jerry Jones calls in four years).”

The Machine says best of luck to Coach Marrone.  The Bills are an absolute mess, and they could definitely use your help (this is a not so subtle plug for you to hire The Machine as your draft scouts.  Guaranteed to deliver a solid class, certainly better than anything that’s been done in recent past (Aaron-fucking Maybin)).

Get over it SU fans.  Why he would trade one depressing Upstate New York city for another is a totally legitimate topic.  Claiming he lied to you is not.  Enjoy your teabag.