Yes sir.\u00a0 It\u2019s time for the greatest two weeks in sports.\u00a0 How good is March Madness?\u00a0 So good, in fact, that there\u2019s an increase in male vasectomies just so guys can spend a weekend on the couch and not be bothered.\u00a0 #geniusmarketing.\u00a0 So many games, so little time.\u00a0 But with the good comes the bad.\u00a0 Like the annoying guy in your IT Dept. who all of a sudden becomes a Bracketologist.\u00a0 And how about the real sports analysts that actually call themselves Bracketologists.\u00a0 Note to self, if you have to make up your own nickname, it\u2019s not cool (notable exception to Black Mamba).\u00a0<\/p>\n
Anyway, as awesome as March Madness is\u2014don\u2019t worry, The Machine will be here for you to help fill out your brackets with our Final Four picks and upset specials\u2014it\u2019s not free from a teabag.\u00a0 So here are a few teabagable March Madness moments.<\/p>\n
Gonzaga a 1 Seed?<\/b><\/p>\n
On the surface, there\u2019s an argument that the Zags are worthy of a #1 seed.\u00a0 For starters, they\u2019re the only team in the NCAA with more than 30 wins\u2026amassing an impressive 31-2 record, and went undefeated (16-0) in conference play.\u00a0 However, The Machine and its hard hitting research department is anything but surface level.\u00a0 Our bullshit radar (like our gaydar) is impeccable, and we\u2019re here to say the Selection Committee got it wrong.<\/p>\n
Sure, Gonzaga deserves a high seed\u2026perhaps as high as 2.\u00a0 But a number 1 seed?\u00a0 Sorry, but The Machine\u2019s not buying it.\u00a0 Of their 33 games this season, the Zags played 3, yes 3, against teams ranked in the Top 25:\u00a0 Illinois, Butler, and Oklahoma State.\u00a0 Their record?\u00a0 1-2 (with the one win a one point victory over Oklahoma State).\u00a0 All three of those teams made the tourney, Oklahoma State as a 5 seed, Butler a 6, and Illinois a 7.\u00a0 So, when they actually had to play real teams, they struggled.<\/p>\n
But what about that 16-0 conference record?\u00a0 Shouldn\u2019t that count for something?\u00a0 Not really.\u00a0 Not when that conference is the West Coast Conference [insert east coast bias here].\u00a0 Seriously, you think games against Loyola Marymount, Santa Clara (sans Steve Nash), Pepperdine, and the Portland Pilots really prepared the Zags for the tourney?\u00a0 Who knew Portland had another college team besides the Trailblazers? (zing!)\u00a0 Sorry, but a 16-0 record should be expected, not rewarded.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re not saying Gonzaga isn\u2019t good\u2026but a number 1 seed is clearly a stretch.\u00a0 Who then, is worthy?\u00a0 Easy.\u00a0 How about Miami or Ohio State [east coast bias in full swing].\u00a0 The Canes won the regular season and conference tournament in the ACC\u2026a\/k\/a a real basketball conference.\u00a0 Miami was also 3-2 against the Top 25, with one of those wins coming against then number 1 ranked Duke.\u00a0 And Ohio State?\u00a0 Sure, they were 5-7 against the Top 25, but more than a third of their games were against ranked teams.\u00a0 They also play in unquestionably the toughest conference in basketball, the Big 10.\u00a0 The only knock against the Big 10 is that there are 12 teams (note: do not hire anyone from Ohio St. as your accountant).\u00a0 Ohio State\u2019s display of dominance in the Big 10 tourney is incredibly more impressive than Gonzaga\u2019s WCC trophy (which is probably just a ribbon).<\/p>\n
Perhaps the best argument for Miami or Ohio State.\u00a0 Would you take Gonzaga over any of those teams right now?\u00a0 Didn\u2019t think so.<\/p>\n
ESPN Bracketologists<\/b><\/p>\n
As a general rule, all Bracketologists are annoying\u2026mainly because they found a way to get paid to talk about college basketball and make predictions that no one will remember.\u00a0 Talking about sports with no accountability is The Machine\u2019s dream, and we\u2019re jealous of them.<\/p>\n
But something else irked The Machine.\u00a0 During ESPN\u2019s non-stop Selection Sunday coverage, after the brackets were announced, the \u201cexpert\u201d Bracketologists went to work.\u00a0 ESPN spared no expense in its coverage\u2026there were projection screens, touch screens, and a full panel of Bracketologists.\u00a0 The only thing they cut corners on was worthwhile analysis.<\/p>\n
Seth Greenberg, in dramatically making his final four selections, picked the following teams:\u00a0 Louisville, Gonzaga, Kansas, and Indiana.\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 All the #1 seeds?\u00a0 I sat through 12 hours on nonstop college basketball to watch you pick all the favorites?\u00a0 Forget the fact that it\u2019s only happened once (2008) since the tournament expanded to the 64 team format in 1985, but come on man.\u00a0 Get creative Seth.\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying you have to pick the South Dakota St. Jackrabbits to reach the Final Four, but certainly you can do better than picking all the favorites.\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing Seth\u2019s combination to his luggage is this<\/a>.<\/p>\n Notre Dame<\/b><\/p>\n The Fighting Irish are included solely on the basis of their hideous uniforms<\/a>.\u00a0 Now, The Machine\u2019s not exactly fashion forward (we wear hoodies year round) but holy shit those uniforms are God awful.\u00a0 The only good thing is that we\u2019ll only have to look at those uniforms for one more game.\u00a0 #gocyclones.<\/p>\n There you have it.\u00a0 Check back tomorrow for our Bracket busting tips, upsets, and Final Four predictions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Yes sir.\u00a0 It\u2019s time for the greatest two weeks in sports.\u00a0 How good is March Madness?\u00a0 So good, in fact, that there\u2019s an increase in male vasectomies just so guys can spend a weekend on the couch and not be … Continue reading