![\"la-sp-sn-desmond-bryant-mugshot-20130226-001\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bigredsportsmachine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/02\/la-sp-sn-desmond-bryant-mugshot-20130226-001.jpg?ssl=1\")
<\/a><\/p>\nThat my friends is (are you ready for this) UNRESTRICTED free agent, HARVARD\u00a0graduate, NFL starting defensive tackle Desmond Bryant.\u00a0\u00a0Not to be confused with deadbeat mom-beater Dez\u00a0Bryant of the Dallas “Get Loaded and Drive Home” Cowboys.\u00a0 Sidenote: Dez\u00a0was real quick to take to twitter to proclaim is\u00a0innocence\u00a0and detail his alibi.\u00a0 Moral victory Dez, we get it; your time will\u00a0come soon\u00a0enough you ticking time bomb you!<\/p>\n
But back to our\u00a0friend, Desmond.\u00a0 Dude, we’ve all been there (chances are, if you’re reading this blog you’ve been there more than once…..this month).\u00a0 \u00a0In fact, while you’re out there busting your ass each Sunday on the gridiron,\u00a0The Machine is putting in a full days work at a local watering hole trying to get to the exact state you were in when the above picture was taken.\u00a0 Eyes glazed to the point they\u00a0look soulless; tongue so dry that you can’t bother keeping it in your mouth any longer; so disheveled\u00a0that your clothing becomes an afterthought.\u00a0 Hell, this bender was so rich you couldn’t even bother with some bling, a hat, or even with a proper shave.\u00a0 Well done boss.<\/p>\n
As for the crime, well, according to the LA Times, you were arrested “on a misdemeanor charge of criminal\u00a0mischief after allegedly causing a commotion at a neighbor’s house while inebriated.”\u00a0 Translation:\u00a0 your hammered ass stumbled through your neighbor’s backyard, dropping some freestyle rhymes while\u00a0kicking over their Mary-in-a-bathtub lawn decoration and dropping a deuce\u00a0in their pool.\u00a0 Again, we’ve all been there!\u00a0 And we’ve all got that noisy bitch neighbor who is trigger happy with the 911 speed dial.\u00a0 That’s why, in the same vein\u00a0as Co-MVP’s, The Machine has decided to name your neighbors as Co-Teabag Award\u00a0recipients.\u00a0 They certainly could have helped the big fella to his house, gotten him tucked into bed and even scored a few game worn jerseys out of the whole ordeal.\u00a0 That could have been a real win-win for your (not so close-knit) community.\u00a0 Or course, the rest of us would have missed out on your gem of a mug shot, so I guess we owe those Debbie Downers an ounce of gratitude for that.<\/p>\n
Sure, the photograph is embarrassing\u00a0and all, but here is the real bitch of it.\u00a0 Depending on who you ask, the average NFL career is between 3.5 years (DeSmith) and 6 year (RG1). Either way, it’s a very small window to make bank.\u00a0\u00a0A majority of players will only get one opportunity to hit free agency and negotiate\u00a0a second, and financially\u00a0significant, contract.\u00a0 Prior to your photo shoot, you had some decent negotiating\u00a0power on your side.\u00a0 In the last four years you suited up for 63 out of 64 games; registered\u00a0124 tackles, 11.5 sacks and 3 forced fumbles.\u00a0 The last two season you’ve flashed some ability as a dependable, starting defensive tackle.\u00a0 I think you could use Kendall Langford’s deal last offseason as a base: 4 years $24M, with $12M guaranteed.\u00a0 Of course, that was before this…..<\/p>\n
Now, tell me, what GM and what Owner wants to hand this guy $12-15M, guaranteed?!\u00a0 It’s not that fact that you got blitzed\u00a0(pun intended) and kicked your neighbor’s poodle.\u00a0 It’s the timing of it that has cost you (and your agent) millions of (easy) free agency dollars!\u00a0 This is such a brutally simple concept that NFL (and all professional athletes presumably) don’t comprehend.\u00a0 Surround yourself with people who won’t let you do dumb things (or at least are willing to take the fall for you) until your playing days are over!<\/p>\n But I guess it has earned you mad respect in the mug shot community.\u00a0 The Machine hopes that in a few years you and your neighbors will be able laugh at this whole story; but until then, enjoy your Teabag Award!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If a tweet is worth 140 characters and a picture is worth 1,000 words than please tell me, how much is a mug shot worth?!\u00a0 Nick Nolte\u00a0is still cashing in on his rather infamous photoshoot(s) with the popo; but he … Continue reading <\/a><\/p>\n