A new segment in The Machine\u2019s ever expanding bag of tricks, we present to you the Badge of Badass, a\/k\/a the B.O.B.\u00a0 What\u2019s a Badge of Badass?\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s pretty self-explanatory.\u00a0 While The Machine loves\u00a0its Tuesday Teabags\u00a0(and let\u2019s be honest, it\u2019s more fun to make fun of people) there are times when people do extraordinary things and should be duly recognized for their efforts.\u00a0 So, from time to time, The Machine will hand out BOBs.\u00a0 Still having trouble figuring out what qualifies for a BOB?\u00a0 Read on.<\/p>\n
The Machine\u2019s inaugural BOB goes to Daniela Holmqvist, a 24 year old Swedish rookie on the LPGA.\u00a0 Daniela was qualifying for the Australian Open on Tuesday and, while on the fourth hole, gets bit on the ankle by a black widow spider.\u00a0 Yes, a fucking black widow, which looks like this<\/a>, and for more fear inducing pictures, click here<\/a> (The Machine just wet himself a little).<\/p>\n Daniela, with her leg swelling up, does something astonishing, instantly becoming a legend.\u00a0 Channeling\u00a0her inner MacGyver, she takes a golf tee, and slices open her leg to drain the poison out.\u00a0 \u201cA clear fluid came out,\u201d Holmqvist said.\u00a0 \u201cIt wasn’t the prettiest thing I’ve ever done but I had to get as much of it out of me as possible.\u201d\u00a0 Amazingly, she then finished her round, shooting a 74 and failing to qualify for the Open, but her efforts were by no means a failure.<\/p>\n This is one of the most courageous and fearless acts in all of sport\u2026add in the fact that it\u2019s a young, Swedish, female golfer (we\u2019ve yet to Google image search her yet but are willing to bet she\u2019s blonde and attractive) and this makes it very similar to a reoccurring dream of The Machine (minus the deadly spider bite).<\/p>\n Seriously, our modern day athletes are, by and large, self-absorbed prima donnas.\u00a0 The days of Ronnie Lott telling the trainer to cut off his finger so he can go back in the game are long gone.\u00a0 We have athletes complaining of hang nails, getting injured moving boxes and playing Guitar Hero.\u00a0 Shit, LeBron won\u2019t even play in the dunk competition because he\u2019s too much of a pussy.\u00a0 But Daniela deserves props for her incredible actions.\u00a0 She also deserves a sponsorship from Black Widow golf grips and spikes.\u00a0 Come on guys, that’s a no brainer.<\/p>\n Anyway, congrats Daniela on your BOB, and best of luck on the rest of the season.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a new fan in The Machine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A new segment in The Machine\u2019s ever expanding bag of tricks, we present to you the Badge of Badass, a\/k\/a the B.O.B.\u00a0 What\u2019s a Badge of Badass?\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s pretty self-explanatory.\u00a0 While The Machine loves\u00a0its Tuesday Teabags\u00a0(and let\u2019s be honest, … Continue reading