Of course The Machine has to add on to the ridiculousness that is Media Day at the Super Bowl.\u00a0 So many overplayed and drawn out stories:\u00a0 The last ride for Ray Lewis.\u00a0 The emergence of the pistol.\u00a0 Oh, and did you know that the coaches for each team are brothers?\u00a0 They\u2019re calling it the Har Bowl.\u00a0 Come on media, you can do better than that.\u00a0 The Machine prefers the Super Bro\u2122.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Yes folks, there\u2019s really nothing else like the media coverage leading up to a Super Bowl.\u00a0 With two weeks off, and only one game to report on, the media goes buck wild with Super Bowl coverage, and will do anything to draw attention to themselves and their networks.\u00a0 It\u2019s mostly all bullshit\u2026except Inside Edition hiring Katherine Webb<\/a>.\u00a0 That\u2019s totally legit.\u00a0 With that much media coverage, it\u2019s guaranteed to deliver some quality teabags.\u00a0 Like giving money to a homeless person (you really think Shaky Joe used that buck for a McMuffin?) no good can come from intense media scrutiny.\u00a0 And with that, The Machine presents to you a trio of Super Bro\u2122 Media Day Teabags.<\/p>\n Joe Flacco<\/b>.\u00a0 When asked about his thoughts about next year\u2019s Super Bowl in NYC, Flacco responded, \u201cI think it\u2019s retarded. I probably shouldn’t say that. I think it\u2019s stupid.\u00a0 If you want a Super Bowl, put a retractable dome on your stadium. \u00a0Then you can get one.\u201d\u00a0 He continued his whining, saying \u201cI don’t really like the idea. \u00a0I don’t think people would react very well to it, or be glad to play anybody in that kind of weather.\u201d\u00a0 This response is retarded (Joe\u2019s word not ours) for many reasons.<\/p>\n First, you expect lesser known players (see #2 below) to make some Teabag worthy comments.\u00a0 But not your quarterback.\u00a0 He\u2019s supposed to be the one player that\u2019s above the fray, who\u2019s supposed to exhibit a resolve that never breaks.\u00a0 Remember those inappropriate quotes from Tom Brady and Eli last year?\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 Hey Joe, you may not play like an elite quarterback, but you should at least act like one.<\/p>\n Second, that\u2019s the question you choose to drop the R word on.\u00a0 It\u2019s the softest of softball question.\u00a0 The obvious answer:\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not concerned with that Super Bowl.\u00a0 The only one I want to talk about is the one I\u2019m playing in.\u201d\u00a0 Giving a controversial answer to an otherwise innocuous question is\u2026well\u2026you know what it is.<\/p>\n Third, way to show the world what a complete pussy you are.\u00a0 The Super Bowl can only be in warm weather, particularly a dome to ensure a sterile, climate-controlled environment?\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Is the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field only cool during the regular season?\u00a0 Having a Super Bowl in NYC is actually (another) brilliant move by the NFL.\u00a0 Your crying about a game being played in cold weather is not.<\/p>\n Update:\u00a0 Joe, after he (read:\u00a0 the Ravens PR staff) had a chance to reflect on his comments, folded like a two dollar whore.\u00a0 \u201cObviously, it was a poor choice of words.\u00a0 At home, I have a close relationship with Special Olympics.\u00a0 I didn’t mean to offend anyone.\u00a0 I definitely apologize for that.\u201d\u00a0 You know you screwed up royally when you have to resort to the \u201cI have a lot of retarded friends\u201d line.\u00a0<\/p>\n Bernard Pollard<\/strong>.\u00a0 The Baltimore Ravens safety made some eye-raising comments when he declared that they NFL will not be in existence in 30 years because of all the rule changes to make the game safer.\u00a0 The game will be so watered-down, he reasoned, that people won\u2019t want to watch.\u00a0 Interestingly, he then admitted that the players are bigger, faster, stronger, and hit harder than ever before, and that he\u2019s waiting for a player to die on the field.<\/p>\n Ok, where to begin.\u00a0 Well, nothing is the same today as it was 30 years ago.\u00a0 Music today sucks and what the fuck is Pinterest?\u00a0 Regarding football, do you remember the NFL of the 80\u2019s?\u00a0 Does the phrase \u201c3 yards and a cloud of dust\u201d ring a bell?\u00a0 That NFL was boring and predictable, and there was zero emphasis on player safety (shake off the concussion boy, you\u2019re fine).\u00a0 How many episodes of Outside the Lines do you have to watch of former players suffering memory loss or other debilitating illnesses to know that something\u2019s got to change?\u00a0 And, despite these changes, the game\u2019s never been more exciting than it is today.\u00a0 You can still deliver knock out hits\u2026similar to the (totally legal) beat down you laid on Stevan Ridley in the AFC Championship Game.\u00a0<\/p>\n Yes, the buzz word in the NFL today is safety.\u00a0 The goal is to maintain the integrity of the game while making it safer\u2026perhaps, in part, because today\u2019s NFL player is bigger, faster, stronger, and hits harder than ever before.\u00a0 Sure, some talked about changes are a bit much (The Machine has faith that the NFL will realize eliminating kickoffs is dumb) but saying that the NFL won\u2019t exist because it will turn into two hand touch football is simply dumb.\u00a0 And ending your anti-safety remarks with concern that someone may die on the field is slightly (sarcasm intended) contradictory.<\/p>\n People aren\u2019t going stop watching football because you can\u2019t lead with your head or form a wedge.\u00a0 We live in a nanny state now, the average NFL fan is no doubt an overprotective parent whose (more) overprotective spouse insists on changing the channel if there\u2019s too much violence on TV (it\u2019s bad for the kids).\u00a0 Right or wrong, gratuitous violence is not a part of mainstream culture anymore, despite The Machine\u2019s appreciation of MMA and Bum Fighting.\u00a0<\/p>\n Ok, time to go and chew my son\u2019s food and feed it to him mama bird\/baby bird style (everyone\u2019s doing it).\u00a0 Be right back.<\/p>\n Randy Moss<\/b>.\u00a0 Moss declared himself to be the best WR to ever play the game.\u00a0 This one\u2019s easy.\u00a0<\/p>\n Randy Moss \u2013 982\/15,292\/156<\/p>\n Jerry Rice \u2013 1,549\/22,895\/197<\/p>\n It\u2019s not even close.\u00a0 Top 5?\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 But GOAT?\u00a0 Not a chance.\u00a0 No one measures up to Jerry Rice.\u00a0 You lose in every category, especially in the \u201cbeing a good teammate and not a malcontent diva\u201d category.\u00a0 Need more convincing?\u00a0 Ask yourself this:\u00a0 Was Jerry Rice ever used as a decoy?<\/p>\n For the sake of Niners fans, let\u2019s hope\u00a0Randy’s not passing on his wisdom and football ethics to Vernon Davis and Michael Crabtree.<\/p>\n There you have it folks.\u00a0 Good thing is, we only have to suffer through five more days of useless media coverage, Katherine Webb excluded, until the Super Bro\u2122.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Of course The Machine has to add on to the ridiculousness that is Media Day at the Super Bowl.\u00a0 So many overplayed and drawn out stories:\u00a0 The last ride for Ray Lewis.\u00a0 The emergence of the pistol.\u00a0 Oh, and did … Continue reading