Not only does the Machine provide you with cutting edge, expert analysis, but we can also see the future (if the Machine\u2019s bookie is reading this post, just kidding, we\u2019re just lucky).\u00a0 Anyway, you don\u2019t really need a crystal ball to know the following:\u00a0 lots of NFL players get arrested, and will continue to get arrested.\u00a0 In fact, as I\u2019m writing this post, Elvis Dumerville just posted bail after what sounds like a pretty sweet bender in Miami.\u00a0 Aggravated assault with a firearm\u2026way to represent the U!\u00a0 And T.O. may be headed to the pokey for failing to pay child support (note to all professional athletes:\u00a0 Wrap it Up!).\u00a0 So, since training camp is still weeks away, there\u2019s plenty of time for the shenanigans to continue.\u00a0 Thus, here are the Top 5 players likely to get arrested during the 2012 season (per the Ray Lewis Rule, the end of the season for purposes of this exercise is the morning after the Super Bowl).\u00a0 Feel free to add your favorites in the comments.<\/p>\n
**UPDATE**<\/strong>\u00a0 Obviously unhappy at being left off the list, within 24 hours, Dez Bryant<\/strong> and Marshawn Lynch<\/strong> were arrested.\u00a0 Dez for shoving his mom at a family BBQ and Marshawn for DUI.\u00a0 Don\u2019t forget, Beastmode also pinballed a lady off his Porsche while in Buffalo, so he does get some props (and likely suspension) for being a repeat offender.\u00a0 Keep it up fellas, you\u2019re well on your way to being on the Machine\u2019s mid-year arrest review list.<\/p>\n **UPDATE 2**<\/strong> Proving that character concerns in college lead to character concerns in the pros, Kenny Britt<\/strong> was popped for a DWI (DUIs are for pussies) at 3:30 am Friday (7\/20) morning.\u00a0 Britt gets extra points because, allegedly, he was stopped while trying to access an army base with a female soldier.\u00a0 There’s nothing wrong with giving back to the troops, but when it involves a suspension (release?) from your employer, maybe you should just wear a flag pin.<\/p>\n **Update 3**<\/strong> Aaron Berry, CB for the Lions (shocker).\u00a0 Berry, who hails from the rough streets of Harrisburg, PA, was arrested for assualt on 7\/21.\u00a0 This on the heels of his June 23 arrest for suspicion of DUI.\u00a0 If you’re keeping score at home, Berry has more arrests than career INTs.\u00a0 Thus, don’t be surprised if the Lions release Berry, and use this opportunity to show the world they are holding players responsible for their actions (translation: we only hold underperforming players responsible for their actions).<\/p>\n 5.\u00a0 Adam Jones<\/strong>, CB, Cincinnati Bengals.\u00a0 Yes, this is probably the lowest hanging fruit of all time, but come on, how does Pac not make this list?\u00a0 He\u2019s only 28, but has the arrest record of seasoned criminal.\u00a0 What\u2019s truly impressive is that he\u2019s still in the league.\u00a0 Only playing in 8 games last year, Pac\u2019s interceptions and fumbles recovered matched Bluto\u2019s GPA in Animal House (0.0).\u00a0 Complicating matters, Pac just got hit with an $11 million judgment for his role in Make it Rain night in Vegas.\u00a0\u00a0 With a base salary of only $950,000, Pac will need to supplement his income.\u00a0 The Machine predicts an arrest for (i) a night job as a Street Pharmacist and\/or (ii) a \u201cmisunderstanding\u201d with a stripper (yes, we\u2019re actually calling the arrest on this one).\u00a0 However, we\u2019re giving Pac the benefit of the doubt (sort of) by listing him #5.\u00a0 With his recent life-coaching to NFL rookies at the Rookie Symposium (which followed Tim Tebow\u2019s Snitches get Stitches talk) maybe he\u2019s turned a corner\u2026or maybe he needs another story to tell next years\u2019 rookies.<\/p>\n 4.\u00a0 Rob Gronkowski<\/strong>, TE, New England Patriots.\u00a0 Big, oafy, white meatheads in the club are just asking to get arrested.\u00a0 Enter Gronk, who dazzled us with his post-Super Bowl loss dance moves.\u00a0 If it weren\u2019t for football, Gronk would be a cast member on Jersey Shore or a professional Spring Break attendee.\u00a0 He’s got Disorderly Conduct written all over him<\/p>\n 3.\u00a0 Richie Incognito<\/strong>, OG, Miami Dolphins.\u00a0 Widely regarding as the biggest d-bag in the NFL, it\u2019s truly a surprise to learn that Richie has yet to be tased by law enforcement.\u00a0 He seems like a guy who has trouble separating his game-time persona with is off-the field persona.\u00a0 All this leads to a Friday\u2019s employee with a broken nose (\u201cI said no onions on my burger mother fucker!!!\u201d).<\/p>\n 2.\u00a0 Brandon Marshall<\/strong>, WR, Chicago Bears.\u00a0 Marshall\u2019s definitely got the \u201cit\u201d factor.\u00a0 What it factor is that you say?\u00a0 Ability to create separation from DBs (check).\u00a0 Big physical route runner (check).\u00a0 He\u2019s got it all, but he also has one special trait that puts him #2 on our list.\u00a0 He\u2019s got the crazy.\u00a0 Brandon\u2019s got a list that makes Pacman blush.\u00a0 Assaulting a police officer at Denny\u2019s (check), returning stolen bed sheets to Burlington Coat Factory (check), a slew of domestic violence incidents (check), DUI (you know it).\u00a0 He\u2019s also been stabbed by his wife, who sounds like she\u2019s got her own case of the crazy.\u00a0 This really doubles his chances of getting arrested.\u00a0 Brandon (or his agent\/PR team) claims to suffer from borderline personality disorder (\u201cBPD\u201d) (seriously).\u00a0 Look, the Machine\u2019s no doctor, and we don\u2019t really want to rag on someone with a legitimate medical condition.\u00a0 However, medical degree or no medical degree, we\u2019re not aware of any illness whose symptoms include multiple (alleged) assaults, violence towards women, and problems with alcohol.\u00a0 If that\u2019s the case, the entire NBA, and fans of country music, suffer from BPD.<\/p>\n 1.\u00a0 Nick Fairley<\/strong>, DT, Detroit Lions.\u00a0 Why would Nick Fairley, who was arrested twice in two months this year (April for weed and May for driving triple digits in his Escalade), risk getting arrested again.\u00a0 Well, Nick takes the coveted spot as #1 for a couple reasons.\u00a0 One, he\u2019s a Detroit Lion.\u00a0 The Lions, while quickly gaining respect as a football organization (the Millen years almost caused irreparable damage) are also piling up the arrests.\u00a0 They make the \u201909 Bengals look like a Boy Scout Troop.\u00a0 Two, it\u2019s obvious there is little, if any, institutional control in Detroit.\u00a0 With bat-shit crazy teammate Ndamukung Suh anchoring the d-line alongside Fairley, the Machine guesses these two have a competition to engage in all sorts of nefarious activities.\u00a0 Three, well, simply put, good things come in threes.\u00a0 While Nick missed going three for three with an arrest-free June, there\u2019s still plenty of time in the calendar to prove the Machine right and bring home the triple crown (bonus points if the third arrest is something new).\u00a0 The Machine\u2019s money is on a post-Thanksgiving Day game fight at a club.\u00a0 You got this in the bag Nick!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Not only does the Machine provide you with cutting edge, expert analysis, but we can also see the future (if the Machine\u2019s bookie is reading this post, just kidding, we\u2019re just lucky).\u00a0 Anyway, you don\u2019t really need a crystal ball … Continue reading