{"id":293,"date":"2012-11-10T23:25:56","date_gmt":"2012-11-11T04:25:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=293"},"modified":"2012-11-10T23:28:09","modified_gmt":"2012-11-11T04:28:09","slug":"the-nba-our-bad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=293","title":{"rendered":"The NBA – Our Bad"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>In a testament as to how relevant the NBA is, apparently the season has already started.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get The Machine wrong, we care about the NBA, in fact, we love the NBA.\u00a0 It\u2019s true.\u00a0 Lebron, Melo, Black Mamba, D-Wade, Durantula, what\u2019s not to love?\u00a0 Then why haven\u2019t you posted about the NBA yet?\u00a0 Good question.\u00a0 As The Machined gnawed over that question, we received the following phone call at 2:00 am.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Machine<\/strong>:\u00a0 [removing overnight retainer] Hello?\u00a0 Who is this?\u00a0 Are you locked up again Roid Rage?<\/p>\n

[unidentified caller]<\/strong>: What haven\u2019t you written about the NBA?<\/p>\n

The Machine<\/strong>:\u00a0 David Stern?\u00a0 Is that you?\u00a0 Have you been drinking?<\/p>\n

David Stern<\/strong>:\u00a0 Umm, no, [garbled, garbled] it\u2019s Daniel Steinberg.\u00a0 [unintelligible]\u00a0 Well, are you going to answer me?<\/p>\n

The Machine<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well\u2026it\u2019s just that\u2026well\u2026err\u2026the problem is\u2026<\/p>\n

David Stern<\/strong> [speech slurred]:\u00a0 What?<\/p>\n

Puzzled by his question, The Machine was unsure if he meant \u201cwhat is the problem\u201d or \u201cwhat are you wearing\u201d The Machine assumed the former but was curiously intrigued by the latter.\u00a0 However, being the upstanding journalists that we are (it\u2019s easy to deflect a booty call from a 70 year old white guy) we had to be honest.<\/p>\n

The Machine<\/strong>:\u00a0 The problem is the worst has come true.\u00a0 There is no parity anymore.\u00a0 We know the Heat are going to win.\u00a0 We know there are only 5 relevant teams (Miami, LA (Lakers), Knicks, Celtics, and Thunder).\u00a0 The rest of the league is mediocre to awful.\u00a0 Small market teams are dead.\u00a0 Portland?\u00a0 Memphis?\u00a0 Golden Gate?\u00a0 Cleveland? \u00a0Had enough?\u00a0 No?\u00a0 Sacramento?\u00a0 Charlotte?\u00a0 New Orleans?\u00a0 Denver?\u00a0 Utah?\u00a0 Are you fucking kidding us?\u00a0 Those are D-league or And-1 squads.\u00a0 And we\u2019re being generous.\u00a0 Detroit, Toronto and Washington are a collective 1-14, and we can easily throw in Indiana, Houston, and Phoenix as also irrelevant (is Penny Hardaway still on the Suns?\u00a0 Those lil Penny commercials were the shit!)\u00a0 Anyway, that\u2019s half, yes, HALF the fucking league that consistently puts out a shitty product.<\/p>\n

David Stern<\/strong>:\u00a0 Finished asshole?<\/p>\n

The Machine<\/strong>:\u00a0 Just getting started.\u00a0 The playoffs take fucking forever, get some control of pre-game celebrations, I can\u2019t tell if I\u2019m watching the Clippers\/Mavs or Step it Up 2:\u00a0 The Streets, and for Christ sake, put a fucking hit on Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless!\u00a0 And, you\u2019re a lame duck Commissioner!\u00a0 You created this mess and are going to dump this bag of shit on to some as-of-today unknown successor.\u00a0 You’re worse then Bud Selig.<\/p>\n

David Stern<\/strong>:\u00a0 I meant what are you wearing, dick. [dial tone].<\/p>\n

So there you have it.\u00a0 The NBA is as interesting as May baseball.\u00a0 It\u2019s even worse than that, because we already know how it\u2019s going to end.\u00a0 Sorry if we can\u2019t get excited about that.\u00a0 We\u2019ll try to put a good face on and keep the NBA in our thoughts, but unless MJ comes out of retirement (dude could still average 20+ a game) there\u2019s no compelling storylines.\u00a0 The entire season is about 5 teams (really one).<\/p>\n

Case in point:\u00a0 The Lakers just fired Mike Brown and are considering hiring Phil Jackson? \u00a0The rich get richer\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a testament as to how relevant the NBA is, apparently the season has already started.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get The Machine wrong, we care about the NBA, in fact, we love the NBA.\u00a0 It\u2019s true.\u00a0 Lebron, Melo, Black Mamba, D-Wade, Durantula, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-293","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nba"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Bp3y-4J","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=293"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/293\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":299,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/293\/revisions\/299"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}