A weird thing happened to The Machine this weekend.\u00a0 As The Machine held its weekly meeting at the Golden Clam, it discussed candidates for this week’s Tuesday Teabag.\u00a0 Surrounded by bad techno and serious daddy issues, The Machine discussed the end of the Giants\/Bucs game, and agreed the Teabag winner was there.\u00a0 However, for the first time ever, The Machine was at odds with itself.\u00a0 Ginger King felt that Greg Schiano was the clear douche bag, while Roid Rage felt that Tom Coughlin should take the crown.\u00a0 A debate ensued which resulted in no resolution.\u00a0 So, The Machine left the Clam a few dollars short and with a little less self-respect (but surprisingly feeling better about itself) and decided to take this argument to you, our loyal fans.\u00a0 Enjoy.<\/p>\n
Roid Rage:<\/strong><\/p>\n Hey Tommy C., slide over those two Super Bowl trophies to make room for your newest piece of hardware, the Tuesday Teabag Award!\u00a0 Thanks for the get-off-my-lawn moment this weekend old man; new school football is here to take names and kick ass.\u00a0 Actually, this really isn\u2019t a new approach at all; every coach on every level of every sport preaches hard, clean play until the game is over.\u00a0 Hell Coach, you\u2019ve got a sign in the Giants training facility that reads: \u201cPlay for 60 minutes\u201d, not \u201cPlay for 59:55 minutes\u201d, not \u201cPlay until the other team is going to kneel the ball\u201d. Play. For. 60. Minutes.\u00a0<\/p>\n Tampa Bay, down by only ONE score, with 5 seconds left and the ball on their own 30 yard line, countered the Giants \u201cvictory formation\u201d by lining up in what appeared to be a goal-line defense.\u00a0 It was as clear as day that they were going to fire off the line in the hopes of causing a fumble, recovering said fumble and thereby giving themselves a shot at the endzone.\u00a0 You can\u2019t play the injury card in this case;Tampa\u2019s defensive ailment indicated they were bringing the house; if the Giant offensive linemen weren\u2019t ready that is on them (and the coaching staff).\u00a0 In fact, Schiano has had a degree of success with this very play; recovering 4 fumbles during his tenure atRutgers.\u00a0 Had the Bucs been successful he\u2019d be considered a genius.\u00a0 And if this play even has a success rate of 1% why wouldn\u2019t you give it a try?!\u00a0<\/p>\n The forward pass. The flea-flicker. The fake punt. And now the Victory Formation Mad Dog Blitz!\u00a0 Mr. Schiano, I commend your forward thinking approach!\u00a0<\/p>\n Ginger King:<\/strong><\/p>\n Listen up.\u00a0 Tom Coughlin (Coach Coughlin or sir to you) may be 20 years his senior, but there\u2019s no doubt he\u2019d whup the shit out of Greg Schiano\u2026and then run a marathon and drink raw eggs and motor oil.\u00a0 Remember when the G-Men won the Super Bowl in 2007, the NFC Championship Game in Green Bay.\u00a0 Minus 24 with the wind chill, NFL players (the toughest men in sports) bundled up from head to toe.\u00a0 What did Coach Coughlin have covering his face?\u00a0 Nothing.\u00a0 Nada.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because covering up\u2019s for pussies.\u00a0 Tom Coughlin is the Chuck Norris of NFL Coaches.\u00a0 Which reminds me, there once was a street named after Tom Coughlin, but it was quickly changed because nobody crosses Tom Coughlin and lives.<\/p>\n That includes you Greg Schiano.\u00a0 Look, I get it.\u00a0 Is there an actual rule that says you can\u2019t dial up an all out blitz when the game is clearly over?\u00a0 No, of course not.\u00a0 But that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s not a dick thing to do.\u00a0 In fact, it\u2019s probably the most shameless, pathetic, low life move you could do.\u00a0 And to sit there and try to defend it after a night\u2019s sleep makes it even worse.<\/p>\n Make no mistake about it.\u00a0 The.\u00a0 Game.\u00a0 Was.\u00a0 Over.\u00a0 The Giants, because they are a classy organization, lined up in Victory Formation (something Tampa isn\u2019t used to doing so I can understand your confusion).\u00a0 Take the loss like a man and go home.\u00a0 Instead, you pull a classless move that had 0, yes 0, chance of success.\u00a0 You say you had success with that atRutgers???\u00a0 First, were any of those situations similar to Sunday and did they result in you winning the game (don\u2019t bother looking up the answer\u2026it\u2019s no).\u00a0 Second, you\u2019re not playing Syracuse anymore.\u00a0 You\u2019re in the big leagues.\u00a0 Act like you belong there.<\/p>\n Just like running up the score and bunting to break up a no hitter, the Bitch Blitz should be added to the list of dick moves in sports.\u00a0 And if you still disagree with Coach Coughlin, please meet him in the parking lot at 5:00 (actually 4:55 if you want to be on time).\u00a0 He\u2019ll be sure to change your mind the old fashioned way.\u00a0<\/p>\n Enjoy the Teabag award.\u00a0 It\u2019s the only thing you\u2019re going to win inTampa.\u00a0<\/p>\n Roid Rage:<\/strong><\/p>\n I do believe the confusion is on your end.\u00a0 First, you must be confusing Greg Schiano with a coach that gives a fuck about your \u201cright way\u201d approach.\u00a0 Second, you must be confusing Mr. Schiano with some pussy ass coach that couldn\u2019t fight his way out of a wet paper bag (I\u2019m looking at you Philbin!).\u00a0 Schiano is the Ed Hochuli of head coaches! Hulk Hogan is jealous of Schaino\u2019s pythons!\u00a0 Coach C can\u2019t even keep his offensive linemen from fucking his daughter; you think old red face would be able to man up against the New Jersey Bulldog?! Please!<\/p>\n Moving along.\u00a0 Do you know what sucks about baseball (other than Bud Selig)?\u00a0 The unwritten rules. Oh, you can\u2019t steal third base in the 7th<\/sup> inning if they just switched pitchers and the wind is blowing out to left field and your clean-up hitter is batting over .300 in the series.\u00a0 What?!?\u00a0 I watch football because there are no unwritten rules.\u00a0 Line your ass up, play until the whistle blows and never give up.\u00a0 Black and white.\u00a0 No reason to throw a hissy fit because your million dollar Citzen Eco watch model fell on his ass!\u00a0<\/p>\n Lean your head back, open wide, insert teabag!<\/p>\n Ginger King:<\/strong><\/p>\n Perhaps using a baseball analogy was, like Mitt Romney\u2019s 47% speech, not elegantly stated.\u00a0 Let me try again.\u00a0 Have you ever seen this done in the NFL before?\u00a0 Answer:\u00a0 no.\u00a0 Case closed.\u00a0 And believe me, there is no shortage of d-bag head coaches in the NFL\u2019s storied history (Bill Belichick, Rex Ryan, Steve Spurrier (hard to believe he was an NFL coach), any coach of the Cowboys or Raiders).\u00a0 None of these ass clowns tried to pull a move like Schiano.\u00a0 The only thing similar is back in 2010 when Sal Alosi, the Jets strength and conditioning coach, tripped a Miami Dolphin during a punt return.\u00a0 Universally, that was regarded as a cheapshot.\u00a0 Illegal?\u00a0 No sir.\u00a0 If you watch the replay, he was behind the white line, so technically he did not violate a rule.\u00a0 However, what happened to our dear friend Sal?\u00a0 He was suspended for the rest of the season for his classless, unsportsmanlike act.<\/p>\n Here, this is worse.\u00a0 It\u2019s not some meathead strength coach\u2026it\u2019s the head coach.\u00a0 You\u2019re the guy that\u2019s supposed to be above all the petty, low brow, cheapshots.\u00a0 You\u2019re supposed to instill discipline, not encourage reckless behavior.\u00a0 How can you teach a bunch of men respect when you yourself have none?<\/p>\n And you think being from Jersey scares Tom Coughlin?\u00a0 Tom Coughlin doesn\u2019t flush a toilet, he scares the shit out of it!\u00a0 Ghosts sit around a campfire and tell Tom Coughlin stories.\u00a0<\/p>\n Open up and say ah, here comes your teabag!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And there you have it folks.\u00a0 So, who deserves the Tuesday Teabag Award?!\u00a0 Since we’re already covered in glitter and not getting anywhere with this debate, we’re heading back to The Clam to “clear our minds!”<\/p>\n A weird thing happened to The Machine this weekend.\u00a0 As The Machine held its weekly meeting at the Golden Clam, it discussed candidates for this week’s Tuesday Teabag.\u00a0 Surrounded by bad techno and serious daddy issues, The Machine discussed the … Continue reading