{"id":1451,"date":"2014-02-18T12:46:08","date_gmt":"2014-02-18T17:46:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=1451"},"modified":"2014-02-18T18:09:36","modified_gmt":"2014-02-18T23:09:36","slug":"tuesday-teabag-february-18-2014-the-sochi-olympics","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=1451","title":{"rendered":"Tuesday Teabag, February 18, 2014 – The Sochi Olympics"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Sochi<\/a>We\u2019re midway through the Sochi Olympics, and boy, are there a lot of teabags to dole out.\u00a0 As many as are being delivered in the Olympic Village<\/a>?\u00a0 Probably not, but there\u2019s enough\u2026from the shoddy accommodations to the creepy mascot<\/a>, to spring-like conditions.\u00a0 Here are some other teabagable moments from the Games.<\/p>\n

Ice Dancing<\/b><\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>

The Foxtrot is still lame, even on ice.<\/p><\/div>\n

Seriously, what the fuck is this?\u00a0 The Machine can get down with some pairs figure skating, and the individual programs, but ice dancing?\u00a0 Why is this an Olympic sport?\u00a0 Is it really necessary?\u00a0 Side note:\u00a0 it\u2019s been an Olympic sport since 1976.\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 To help answer this, The Machine was able to get ahold of the transcript from the recent IOC Meeting discussing its inclusion in the Sochi Games.<\/p>\n

[IOC Chair]:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ok, gang listen up.\u00a0 We got a serious problem.\u00a0 It\u2019s with the figure skating competition.\u00a0 It\u2019s too manly.\u00a0 We need to gay it up.\u00a0 Suggestions?<\/p>\n

[IOC Member, likely from France]:\u00a0<\/strong> How about Ice Dancing?\u00a0 Let\u2019s really focus on that this year.<\/p>\n

[Russian Delegate]:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0Does it involve the gays?<\/p>\n

[Everyone]:\u00a0<\/strong> (Snicker, snicker, cough, cough) No (wink).<\/p>\n

[IOC Chair]:\u00a0<\/strong> Sounds promising, but is it gay enough?\u00a0 Tell me more.<\/p>\n

[French Delegate]:\u00a0<\/strong> There are no jumps, just artistic skating.<\/p>\n

[IOC Chair]:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes\u2026<\/p>\n

[British Delegate]:\u00a0<\/strong> To show tunes.<\/p>\n

[IOC Chair]:\u00a0<\/strong> Go on\u2026<\/p>\n

[Canadian Delegate]:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0And instead of spins, we call them twizzles.<\/p>\n

[IOC Chair]:\u00a0<\/strong> Perfect!<\/p>\n

[USA Delegate]:\u00a0<\/strong> And we\u2019ll have Johnny Weir anchor the NBC coverage.<\/p>\n

\"Seriously,<\/a>

Did Johnny Weir rob my Grandmother’s closet?<\/p><\/div>\n

[IOC Chair]:<\/strong>\u00a0 Fierce!<\/p>\n

Unless you\u2019re hoping for a nip slip, there\u2019s no reason to watch Ice Dancing.\u00a0 If they replaced the show tunes with some power ballads\u2026maybe.\u00a0 At least it\u2019d be a step in the right direction.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Who<\/a>

Who farted on Bob’s pillow?<\/p><\/div>\n

Bob Costas<\/b><\/p>\n

Bob\u2019s no stranger to a teabag.\u00a0 We hit him up in 2012<\/a> when he used halftime of the Sunday Night Game to pontificate about gun control.\u00a0 Well, he\u2019s back at it again.<\/p>\n

Bob, commenting on the newest sport<\/a>, Snowboarding Slopestyle, to hit the Olympic Games, had this to say:\u00a0 \u201cI think the president of the IOC should be Johnny Knoxville<\/strong>. \u00a0Basically this stuff is just Jackass<\/em> stuff they invented and called Olympic sports.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Dude...the<\/a>

Dude…the Olympics are like, so dope! Team USA!!!<\/p><\/div>\n

Really, Bob?\u00a0 Thanks for the \u201cget your ball off my lawn\u201d moment.\u00a0 Why has Bob Costas\u00a0changed from a lovable short guy to an ornery, pretentious, liberal prick?\u00a0 So you don\u2019t like the Nu Skool sports like snowboarding\u2026they\u2019re not traditional enough to be worthy of Olympic competition?\u00a0 FYI, snowboarding\u2019s been around since the 1960\u2019s, and it\u2019s been an Olympic sport since the 90\u2019s.\u00a0 Suck it.<\/p>\n

You get the sense that Bobbo\u2019s problem isn\u2019t with snowboarding\u2026but with snowboarders<\/i>.\u00a0 They don\u2019t embody the [old white man\u2019s] vision of an Olympic athlete.\u00a0 Sure, they wear baggy pants, have dreads, listen to Sk8r rock, and probably smoke tons of weed<\/a>, but you try and\u00a0rock a Frontside\u00a0Double McTwist 1260.\u00a0 Then, try doing that high off your gourd\u2026<\/p>\n

If anything, it\u2019s events like Slopestyle\u00a0and the Halfpipe\u00a0that are a breath of fresh air for the games.\u00a0 They are fast and action-packed, unlike some of the other snoozefest\u00a0events\u2026how captivating can you make cross country skiing, or curling (unless, it\u2019s done by these ladies).<\/p>\n

\"Now<\/a>

Love the technique here.<\/p><\/div>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Now this is how you legitimize an Olympic sport.<\/p><\/div>\n

Hey Bob, explain to us how snowboarding is less of a sport than Ice Dancing.\u00a0 You can\u2019t, but we\u2019re willing to bet that you\u2019re cool with Ice Dancing, because they \u201clook like\u201d Olympic athletes.\u00a0<\/p>\n

How fitting was it that the United State\u2019s first gold of the Games was in Slopestyle, and Bob was there to announce it and forced<\/span> to recognize it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Jesus<\/a>

Jesus Christ man, give it up!<\/p><\/div>\n

And thank you, NBC, for yanking Bob off the air with his horrible pink eye.\u00a0 I get that announcing the Olympics is the height of your popularity, but come on man, that shit\u2019s nasty.\u00a0 To our delight, it set Twitter afire<\/a>.\u00a0 Here\u2019s hoping that, in true Jackass style, some snowboarder farted in your pillow.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Enjoy your teabag.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We\u2019re midway through the Sochi Olympics, and boy, are there a lot of teabags to dole out.\u00a0 As many as are being delivered in the Olympic Village?\u00a0 Probably not, but there\u2019s enough\u2026from the shoddy accommodations to the creepy mascot, to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1451","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tuesday-teabag"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Bp3y-np","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1451","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1451"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1451\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1462,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1451\/revisions\/1462"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1451"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1451"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1451"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}