{"id":138,"date":"2012-08-22T03:02:49","date_gmt":"2012-08-22T03:02:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=138"},"modified":"2012-10-31T00:45:01","modified_gmt":"2012-10-31T04:45:01","slug":"tuesday-teabag-august-21","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=138","title":{"rendered":"Tuesday Teabag, August 21"},"content":{"rendered":"

Melky Cabrera<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Machine was all ready to crown Chad Johnson our Tuesday Teabag award winner (seriously bro, who keeps the receipt from the grocery store, especially when said receipt lists a box of Magnums that clearly aren\u2019t intended for your wife?).\u00a0 But congrats Chad, there\u2019s some good news coming your way.\u00a0 Sure, you\u2019ve been publicly humiliated, your football career is over, and your wife is divorcing you, but there\u2019s always someone worse off than you.\u00a0 It\u2019s the Jerry Springer theory (just watch some Springer repeats and you\u2019ll feel better in no time).<\/p>\n

Who\u2019s having a worse week than Ocho-crazy?\u00a0 Melky Cabrera.\u00a0 When word first hit that Melky tested positive for PEDs, this barely registered on The Machine\u2019s radar.\u00a0 A professional athlete on steroids?\u00a0 Big deal.\u00a0 The Machine actually gave Melky some credit when he stepped up and took full blame, instead of the usual \u201cit was a prescription for ADHD or a sinus infection.\u201d\u00a0 However, when word hit that Melky was involved in a website and fictitious supplement, well now you have our attention.<\/p>\n

As the story goes, Melky and his associates, apparently after watching an Oceans 13 marathon, came up with an elaborate ruse to fool the MLB.\u00a0 They created a website selling a fake supplement, and that was somehow going to get the Melkman off the hook.\u00a0 There\u2019re about as many layers to this plan as the Davinci Code (seriously, The Machine, surrounded in a cloud of smoke on the third floor of his fraternity house with Bob Marley blaring, devised better hoaxes in college).\u00a0 Of course you were going to get busted.\u00a0 There\u2019s not enough weed to go around to think that plan was going to work.<\/p>\n

The cover-up is always worse than the crime.\u00a0 But you\u2019ve gone one step further (and believe me, it\u2019s a big step further).\u00a0 You attempted to lie your way out by fabricating evidence.\u00a0 This is a direct attack to the MLB drug testing system.\u00a0 From now on, any athlete who asserts innocence will be doubted.\u00a0 In order to erase all doubt, the testing policy must be revised to make public the substance that resulted in the positive test.\u00a0 This would remove from the equation the Adderall excuse if we knew you tested positive for Stanozolol and horse urine.\u00a0 Not surprisingly, the MLBPA is vehemently against any public disclosure (shocker).<\/p>\n

Melky\u2026don\u2019t worry, it\u2019s not all bad.\u00a0 It could be worse (think Springer).\u00a0 Consider yourself lucky for trying this dumbass move in the MLB.\u00a0 Can you imagine what the NFL would do if you tried to pull that shit on Goodell?\u00a0 RGI would waterboard the shit out of you and beat your associates senseless.\u00a0 Be thankful that your Commissioner really doesn\u2019t give a shit about the integrity of his sport.\u00a0 Also, be thankful for the Tuesday Teabag.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Melky Cabrera The Machine was all ready to crown Chad Johnson our Tuesday Teabag award winner (seriously bro, who keeps the receipt from the grocery store, especially when said receipt lists a box of Magnums that clearly aren\u2019t intended for … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-138","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tuesday-teabag"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Bp3y-2e","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=138"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":247,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138\/revisions\/247"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=138"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=138"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=138"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}