{"id":136,"date":"2012-08-15T02:20:43","date_gmt":"2012-08-15T02:20:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=136"},"modified":"2012-08-15T02:20:43","modified_gmt":"2012-08-15T02:20:43","slug":"tuesday-teabag-august-14","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=136","title":{"rendered":"Tuesday Teabag, August 14"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dwight Howard<\/strong><\/p>\n

Oh Dwight.\u00a0 Just two short years ago, you were the posterchild for the do right in the NBA.\u00a0 Malcontent (nope), diva (no way), only one out of wedlock kid (that\u2019s NBA speak for virgin).\u00a0 You had it all.\u00a0 While the rest of the world was pissed at Lebron for The Decision, no one was pissed at you.\u00a0 You were carefree, effervescent\u2026everyone loved your Superman ritual.\u00a0 You were, in a word, unstoppable.<\/p>\n

Today, you are unforgiveable.\u00a0 Sure, you ended up with the Lakers.\u00a0 Good for you.\u00a0 But here Dwight, the end does not justify the means.\u00a0 In the last season alone, you not only erased all of your good will, but you\u2019ve proved that you are not only the most selfish, me-first individual in professional sports, but you also the dumbest.\u00a0 Let\u2019s recap:<\/p>\n

You pissed and moaned to the Magic brass and demanded Van Gundy and Otis Smith get fired at the end of the season, all the while denying it.\u00a0 In exchange, you signed a one-year extension to stay with the Magic for next season.\u00a0 Now, that alone is pretty douchey, but hey, we\u2019ve all tried to get the boss fired before.\u00a0 But then, incredibly, you take it one step further.\u00a0 The Magic, in good faith reliance on The Deal (which yes, is the douche bag version of The Decision), fire Van Gundy and Smith (thanks for taking us to the postseason five years in a row Stan, now pack up your shit and walk your doughy ass out the door).\u00a0 You should\u2019ve shut up then, played out your year in Orlando (maybe ask for a trade behind the scenes), all the while knowing that the summer of 2013 you\u2019d be an unrestricted free agent.\u00a0 But no, you then demanded a trade, reneging on The Deal.\u00a0 And not only did you demand a trade, but you limited it to one Team:\u00a0 the Nets.\u00a0 You think that maybe affects the power negotiations for the Magic?<\/p>\n

Did you not realize that you had all the leverage BEFORE you signed your one year extension, and, after that, you had NO leverage at all?\u00a0 If you wanted to go to Brooklyn, you could\u2019ve been there.\u00a0 You could\u2019ve become the cornerstone of bringing the game back to Brooklyn.\u00a0 Superman back in Metropolis.\u00a0 You easily would\u2019ve been the best center in NYC since Ewing.\u00a0 You could\u2019ve owned NYC (sounds awesome, right)?\u00a0 But instead, now you\u2019re following Shaq\u2019s footsteps to LA.\u00a0 Please note that the comparisons between you and The Diesel end there.\u00a0 Your antics over the past two seasons will ensure that you will never attain Shaq-status.\u00a0 Even if you star in Kazaam 2.<\/p>\n

Sure, you\u2019ll probably win a title in LA (you do have Kobe, Gasol, and Steve Nash), and sure, the media will likely forgive you (we are a forgiving bunch).\u00a0 But not The Machine.\u00a0 The Machine\u2019s Douche-dar is as good (if not better) than its Gay-dar, and our meter is off the charts.\u00a0 Beware LA, Superdouche is already on full display.\u00a0 Case in point:\u00a0 Dwight\u2019s already announced that he has no intention of signing a long term deal (or any extension) until after the season.\u00a0 Translation:\u00a0 if things don\u2019t go his way, if the spotlight\u2019s not completely on him (and guess what, it won\u2019t be when you\u2019re lacing up alongside Black Mamba), if the offense doesn\u2019t run through him, if the Lakers don\u2019t win a championship, if he doesn\u2019t have a better parking space than Metta World Peace (you get the picture), then you can bet your ass he\u2019ll high tail it out of LA, and then the Lakers will be left with nothing for The Deal.\u00a0 Even if he does sign an extension, it\u2019s just a matter of time before the fun-loving gives way to the malcontent.<\/p>\n

Want some free advice from The Machine:\u00a0 fire everyone that currently represents you.\u00a0 Agents, managers, lawyers.\u00a0 Everyone.\u00a0 You\u2019re management team has proved about as productive as Tim Tebow in a whore house (this goes where?).\u00a0 And sign your extension with LA.\u00a0 You may not know it, but your stock has dropped.\u00a0 A lot.\u00a0 There\u2019s no way you could command the kind of coin you\u2019re expecting (or your management team is telling you to expect), when every team knows that as soon as things don\u2019t go your way, you\u2019ll bitch, complain, and force your way out the door.\u00a0 You can\u2019t be trusted to build a franchise around; hence, you\u2019ll never get paid like one.<\/p>\n

Enjoy your Tuesday Teabag.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dwight Howard Oh Dwight.\u00a0 Just two short years ago, you were the posterchild for the do right in the NBA.\u00a0 Malcontent (nope), diva (no way), only one out of wedlock kid (that\u2019s NBA speak for virgin).\u00a0 You had it all.\u00a0 … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-136","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tuesday-teabag"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Bp3y-2c","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=136"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":137,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136\/revisions\/137"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=136"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=136"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=136"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}