{"id":128,"date":"2012-08-07T02:57:19","date_gmt":"2012-08-07T02:57:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=128"},"modified":"2012-08-09T13:54:47","modified_gmt":"2012-08-09T13:54:47","slug":"tuesday-teabag-august-7","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=128","title":{"rendered":"Tuesday Teabag, August 7"},"content":{"rendered":"

Michael Jerome Irvin<\/strong>, all 6\u2019-2\u201d, 207 lbs. (or, as \u201cThe Playmaker\u201d prefers, 94 kilos) come on down, you\u2019re this weeks Teabag Award Winner!\u00a0 Once you get past the incoherent\u00a0drivel\u00a0and nonsensical jawing, every time the ol\u2019 playmaker opens his mouth a few doozies come rolling off the tongue.<\/p>\n

Gem #1: Vince-who?!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Apparently the Boston Heralds Sport section was a little thin, so they gave Mike a call and kept the recorder rolling.\u00a0 On the subject of the Super Bowl, Irvin opined, \u201cMaaaan, if it was up to me, that trophy would be called the Lombardi-Belichick.\u00a0 I don\u2019t care what they think.\u00a0 That\u2019s how good he is to do what he\u2019s doing in this day and age, what the league is now.\u201d\u00a0 Irvin is currently an analyst for the NFL Network (why?) so one would reason that he has access to all sorts of historical databases and statistical comparisons.\u00a0 So he probably put that stellar University of Miami education to good use and did some research before making such a claim, right?!\u00a0 Wrong!<\/p>\n

Just for shits and giggles, The Machine took a closer look at the numbers. Vince Lombardi was 2-0 in Super Bowls and had a career 74% regular season win percentage; His Green Bay Packers also won 6 (pre-Super Bowl) NFL Championships.\u00a0 He helped pioneer the NFL in the early days and is considered the benchmark for coaching excellence. \u00a0 \u00a0The Hoodie sports a 3-2 Super Bowl Record and a 64% regular season win percentage.\u00a0 Oh, he was also caught cheating red-handed by the NFL in the Spygate Scandal and only escaped with relative ease because of a massive NFL cover-up (seriously, a formal complaint was made; evidence gathered; a ruling administered; evidence fully destroyed and a formal apology made in the span of 4 days!!).\u00a0 It hardly seems fitting that these two be considered equals.\u00a0 It\u2019s the equivalent of renaming baseballs top pitching award to the Cy-Young- Mike Mussina Award.<\/p>\n

The Machine certainly isn\u2019t advocating a name change, but if we were going to add a second name to the hallow Lombardi Trophy we\u2019d probably go with Chuck Knoll (4-0 Super Bowl record), or Bill Walsh (3-0), or Don Shula (2 Super Bowl wins, 1 NFL Championship, most NFL wins).\u00a0 Hell, if part of Irvin\u2019s criteria is coaching in the modern era (which in Irvin\u2019s coke induced mind must be anytime after \u201999) then why not Tom Coughlin (2-0, with both wins coming AGAINST Belichick)?!<\/p>\n

Gem #2\u2026.88 as crazy as ever<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Michael Irvin, the former crazy #88 WR for the Dallas Cowboys recently spoke of his disappointment for the current crazy #88 WR for the Dallas Cowboys, Dez Bryant.\u00a0 Dez\u2019s rap sheet has been well documented here<\/a>.\u00a0 His latest stunt, a fore-arm shiver upside his mothers dome made Irvins \u201cheart bleed\u201d. \u00a0Are you sure that\u2019s not just a residual from burning rocks, 88?\u00a0 Anyways, Irvin told ESPN Dallas that, \u201cthis is uncharted waters. I like to speak out of my spirit on a lot of things, both the highs and the lows, the peaks and the valleys I\u2019ve experienced,\u201d Irvin said. \u201cBut this is out of the world for me. I\u2019ve never laid my hands on any woman, let alone talk about the No. 1 woman in any man\u2019s life, which should be his mother.\u201d\u00a0 See, technically Mike never did lay hands on a woman because he had Eric Williams pointing a gun to their head while he videotaped his deeds\u2026.allegedly.\u00a0 Old Jerrah might want to get his dick out of his newly minted billion dollar glory hole and hire a team physiatrist; because Michael Irvin thinking you\u2019ve gone too far is like the Uni-Bomber accusing someone of mail fraud.<\/p>\n

Michael, we know that you\u2019ve got 750 career receptions (which truthfully means that there were 750 blown offensive pass interference calls), but could you please just snort away the rest of your fortune in your own time?!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Michael Jerome Irvin, all 6\u2019-2\u201d, 207 lbs. (or, as \u201cThe Playmaker\u201d prefers, 94 kilos) come on down, you\u2019re this weeks Teabag Award Winner!\u00a0 Once you get past the incoherent\u00a0drivel\u00a0and nonsensical jawing, every time the ol\u2019 playmaker opens his mouth a … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24,26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-128","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nfl","category-tuesday-teabag"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Bp3y-24","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=128"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":134,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128\/revisions\/134"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}