Olympic Gymnastic Parents<\/p>\n
The Machine can\u2019t help but be in awe when watching gymnastics (yes, the Machine has Olympic fever).\u00a0 Whether it\u2019s the men or women, what they do is simply unreal.\u00a0 However, as impressive as these athletes are, there\u2019s a little secret that\u2019s bubbling to the surface during the Olympics:\u00a0 their parents are crazy.\u00a0 I mean bat shit crazy.\u00a0 Take every article you\u2019ve read about soccer moms fighting in the stands, dads getting thrown out of little league games (the Machine can\u2019t wait to get tossed from his sons\u2019 baseball games when they get older, btw), and throw it away.\u00a0 Move aside, overbearing suburban parents, there\u2019s a new crazy in town, and they\u2019re on full display in London.\u00a0 Anyone see the dad trying to get the crowd to join in his rhythmic clapping?\u00a0 How about the parents having seizure-like convulsions in the stands during their kid\u2019s routine?\u00a0 We did.\u00a0 After watching 2 days of gymnastics (our fever is starting to break) you have to ask yourself:\u00a0 how many of these kids were pushed into gymnastics by domineering, highly critical, super intense parents?\u00a0 Our answer:\u00a0 100%.\u00a0 Christ, John Orozco is from the Bronx.\u00a0 How many kids in the Bronx\u2014on their own\u2014decide, \u201chmm, I think I\u2019ll take up the pommel horse.\u201d\u00a0 Exactly.<\/p>\n
Hey, we\u2019re all about being proud of our kids.\u00a0 Kevin Durant\u2019s parents at Thunder games?\u00a0 Heart-warming.\u00a0 America\u2019s newest sweetheart\u2019s, Missy Franklin\u2019s, parents at the swim meet?\u00a0 Adorable.\u00a0 But these parents drive straight past adorable to creepy.\u00a0 Their screams pierce the arena, and their movements and actions scream \u201clook at me\u201d and \u201cyou\u2019ve practiced this routine 8,000 times, I know because I uprooted our family and drove you to all your practices since you were 3 years old, so don\u2019t mess it up for us, I mean me.\u201d\u00a0 These kids are treated like collectable dolls (well, they are doll-like in stature).\u00a0 This isn\u2019t Toddlers and Tiaras, although we get the vibe it\u2019s a lot closer than it should be.<\/p>\n
Listen up Olympic Gymnastic Parents, and listen good:\u00a0 Your children, impressive athletes as they are, are relevant for about 15 minutes every four years (given the men\u2019s epic collapse in the all-around, you can cut that down to about 5).\u00a0 We get that you\u2019re into it, that you\u2019re excited to watch your kids compete at the Olympic level.\u00a0 However, your excitement shows the worst in modern day parenting:\u00a0 fanaticism.\u00a0 You\u2019ve sacrificed a normal childhood for a slavish devotion to gymnastics.\u00a0 Fine, but tone down the antics.\u00a0 The Olympics should be about the pure joy of sport, yet, when we see a gymnast nail the uneven bars, we don\u2019t see joy.\u00a0 We see relief.\u00a0 Then, we see Ma and Pa Crazy Pants in the stands, and it all makes sense.<\/p>\n
Congrats on the Tuesday Teabag award, Olympic Gymnastic Parents.\u00a0 The way things are shaping up in London, it may be the only award you come home with.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Olympic Gymnastic Parents The Machine can\u2019t help but be in awe when watching gymnastics (yes, the Machine has Olympic fever).\u00a0 Whether it\u2019s the men or women, what they do is simply unreal.\u00a0 However, as impressive as these athletes are, there\u2019s … Continue reading