{"id":1097,"date":"2013-10-02T14:23:37","date_gmt":"2013-10-02T18:23:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=1097"},"modified":"2013-10-02T14:23:37","modified_gmt":"2013-10-02T18:23:37","slug":"tuesday-teabag-october-1-2013-the-nfc-east","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bigredsportsmachine.com\/?p=1097","title":{"rendered":"Tuesday Teabag, October 1, 2013 – The NFC East"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"NFL's<\/a>

NFL’s version of The Biggest Loser.<\/p><\/div>\n

Since ummm, I don\u2019t know, forever, the NFC East has been the most dominant division in football.\u00a0 Seriously, for the past 30 years, you\u2019d always have a seat at the table and a legitimate argument.\u00a0 In the 80\u2019s, the NFC East won 3 Super Bowls (Redskins \u201983, \u201987, Giants \u201986).\u00a0 The 90\u2019s, a record 5 Super Bowls, including 4 in a row (thanks Buffalo) (Giants \u201991, Redskins \u201992, Cowboys \u201993, \u201994, and \u201896).\u00a0 And so far, in the 21st<\/sup> Century, the East has claimed two more Super Bowls (Giants \u201907, \u201912).\u00a0<\/p>\n

But that winning argument ends today.\u00a0 Here\u2019s the record of the NFC East after 4 weeks:<\/p>\n

Dallas: \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 2-2<\/p>\n

Philadelphia:\u00a0\u00a0 1-3<\/p>\n

Washington:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 1-3<\/p>\n

NY Giants:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 0-4<\/p>\n

No one has a winning record, and combined they\u2019re an embarrassing 4-12.\u00a0 How bad are things?\u00a0 Christ, if Cleveland was in the NFC East, they\u2019d be in first place.\u00a0 So would Buffalo.<\/p>\n

This is an unprecedented level of futility.\u00a0 It\u2019s very possible that the \u201cwinner\u201d of the East will not have a winning record.\u00a0 And, even more interesting, each team is failing for a different reason.\u00a0 Let\u2019s take a look under the hood of each of these losers.<\/p>\n

\"Sounds<\/a>

Sounds about right.<\/p><\/div>\n

Dallas Cowboys<\/b><\/p>\n

Despite having the \u201cbest\u201d record in the East, Dallas has the biggest problems, because they involve institutional instability (a nice way of saying the organization is run by a bunch of fucktards).\u00a0 Dallas has trotted out the exact same team for more than a decade.\u00a0 Flashes of brilliance coupled with an undisciplined approach to playing football.\u00a0 They suffer from an intolerable Owner (who\u2019s also the GM) who refuses to cede an inch of control.\u00a0 This leads to spineless head coaches and a room full of \u201cyes men\u201d in Jerryworld.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"As<\/a>

As long as Jerry plays Puppetmaster, the Cowboys are doomed (love the blue unitards, btw).<\/p><\/div>\n

Jerrah\u2019s a young Al Davis, who, after a good period of success, drove the franchise into the ground through his uncompromising ways (and speed first philosophy) until he died at age 120.\u00a0 Oakland\u2019s still recovering from Hurricane Al.\u00a0 Dallas is on track to suffer a similar fate from Hurricane Jerrah.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Washington Redskins<\/b><\/p>\n

\"Does<\/a>

Does this knee brace make me look fat?<\/p><\/div>\n

Washington\u2019s problem is easy enough:\u00a0 they have completely botched RGIII.\u00a0 RGIII\u00a0is the franchise\u2026and you do everything to protect the franchise, even if that means sitting him until he\u2019s 100% healthy.\u00a0 And you especially sit him when your franchise QB is a dual threat QB and has a bum knee.\u00a0 Everyone knows RGIII is hurt.\u00a0 His own teammates<\/a>\u00a0know he\u2019s hurt.\u00a0 And by trotting out a gimpy RGIII, you have taken away the dual threat.\u00a0 His game is now completely marginalized, and a marginalized RGIII is simply an average QB.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Shanahan\u2019s ego is too big to make a change.\u00a0 There\u2019s no way he\u2019s pulling RGIII\u00a0now, unless of course, he blows out his knee (again).\u00a0 At 1-3, there\u2019s no reason for him to be out there.\u00a0 The Skins are only one game out of first place.\u00a0 They should rest RGIII\u00a0and put in (a healthy) Kirk Cousins.\u00a0 By continuing to play RGIII, the Skins run the risk of irretrievably damaging the franchise.<\/p>\n

\""Hey<\/a>

“Hey Mike, any chance you can play D too?”<\/p><\/div>\n

Philadelphia Eagles<\/b><\/p>\n

Chip Kelly\u2019s high-octane offense is surely paying dividends:\u00a0 the Eagles are averaging just under 25 points a game.\u00a0 The only problem?\u00a0 No one told him he had to play defense:\u00a0 the Eagles are giving up just under 35 points a game.<\/p>\n

Chip was hailed by the media and fans as this years\u2019 read-option.\u00a0 He was going to revolutionize the way the game was played.\u00a0 People drooled over the training camp smoothies<\/a> (oh he\u2019s so progressive) and the entire City of Brotherly Love got one big, collective hard on when the Eagles racked up over 400 yards and scored 33 points in Chip\u2019s debut<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But this ain\u2019t the Pac-10.\u00a0 You can\u2019t just throw on some ugly-ass uniforms<\/a> and run plays every 20 seconds and expect to win.\u00a0 You may have been crowned a genius in Week 1, but by Week 2, you were ridiculed for your inability to manage the clock<\/a>.\u00a0 Oh, and your defensive philosophy of ambivalence ain\u2019t gonna cut it.<\/p>\n

Honeymoon\u2019s over, Chip.\u00a0 If he figures out that defense is important, plus learns some basic skills in situational football, the Eagles should be ok.\u00a0 Might we suggest Eagles fans buy Chip this book<\/a> for Christmas?<\/p>\n

\"We've<\/a>

We’ve seen a lot of Pouty Eli thus far.<\/p><\/div>\n

New York Giants<\/b><\/p>\n

Oh how the mighty have fallen.\u00a0 There is one thing wrong with the Giants:\u00a0 everything, everything that is, except Eli (he\u2019s still dreamy).\u00a0 The O-line?\u00a0 Old, hurt, and unable to block.\u00a0 Running Backs?\u00a0 They brought Brandon Jacobs back (\u2018nuff said).\u00a0 D-line?\u00a0 No pressure.\u00a0 Linebackers?\u00a0 Their best one is an undrafted cancer survivor.\u00a0 The Secondary continues to give receivers (at least) a five yard cushion, even on press.\u00a0 And the Special Teams?\u00a0 Well, they continue to be special:<\/p>\n

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