Tuesday Teabag, March 19, 2013 – March Madness

Yes sir.  It’s time for the greatest two weeks in sports.  How good is March Madness?  So good, in fact, that there’s an increase in male vasectomies just so guys can spend a weekend on the couch and not be bothered.  #geniusmarketing.  So many games, so little time.  But with the good comes the bad.  Like the annoying guy in your IT Dept. who all of a sudden becomes a Bracketologist.  And how about the real sports analysts that actually call themselves Bracketologists.  Note to self, if you have to make up your own nickname, it’s not cool (notable exception to Black Mamba). 

Anyway, as awesome as March Madness is—don’t worry, The Machine will be here for you to help fill out your brackets with our Final Four picks and upset specials—it’s not free from a teabag.  So here are a few teabagable March Madness moments.

Gonzaga a 1 Seed?

On the surface, there’s an argument that the Zags are worthy of a #1 seed.  For starters, they’re the only team in the NCAA with more than 30 wins…amassing an impressive 31-2 record, and went undefeated (16-0) in conference play.  However, The Machine and its hard hitting research department is anything but surface level.  Our bullshit radar (like our gaydar) is impeccable, and we’re here to say the Selection Committee got it wrong.

Sure, Gonzaga deserves a high seed…perhaps as high as 2.  But a number 1 seed?  Sorry, but The Machine’s not buying it.  Of their 33 games this season, the Zags played 3, yes 3, against teams ranked in the Top 25:  Illinois, Butler, and Oklahoma State.  Their record?  1-2 (with the one win a one point victory over Oklahoma State).  All three of those teams made the tourney, Oklahoma State as a 5 seed, Butler a 6, and Illinois a 7.  So, when they actually had to play real teams, they struggled.

But what about that 16-0 conference record?  Shouldn’t that count for something?  Not really.  Not when that conference is the West Coast Conference [insert east coast bias here].  Seriously, you think games against Loyola Marymount, Santa Clara (sans Steve Nash), Pepperdine, and the Portland Pilots really prepared the Zags for the tourney?  Who knew Portland had another college team besides the Trailblazers? (zing!)  Sorry, but a 16-0 record should be expected, not rewarded.

We’re not saying Gonzaga isn’t good…but a number 1 seed is clearly a stretch.  Who then, is worthy?  Easy.  How about Miami or Ohio State [east coast bias in full swing].  The Canes won the regular season and conference tournament in the ACC…a/k/a a real basketball conference.  Miami was also 3-2 against the Top 25, with one of those wins coming against then number 1 ranked Duke.  And Ohio State?  Sure, they were 5-7 against the Top 25, but more than a third of their games were against ranked teams.  They also play in unquestionably the toughest conference in basketball, the Big 10.  The only knock against the Big 10 is that there are 12 teams (note: do not hire anyone from Ohio St. as your accountant).  Ohio State’s display of dominance in the Big 10 tourney is incredibly more impressive than Gonzaga’s WCC trophy (which is probably just a ribbon).

Perhaps the best argument for Miami or Ohio State.  Would you take Gonzaga over any of those teams right now?  Didn’t think so.

ESPN Bracketologists

As a general rule, all Bracketologists are annoying…mainly because they found a way to get paid to talk about college basketball and make predictions that no one will remember.  Talking about sports with no accountability is The Machine’s dream, and we’re jealous of them.

But something else irked The Machine.  During ESPN’s non-stop Selection Sunday coverage, after the brackets were announced, the “expert” Bracketologists went to work.  ESPN spared no expense in its coverage…there were projection screens, touch screens, and a full panel of Bracketologists.  The only thing they cut corners on was worthwhile analysis.

Seth Greenberg, in dramatically making his final four selections, picked the following teams:  Louisville, Gonzaga, Kansas, and Indiana.  Really?  All the #1 seeds?  I sat through 12 hours on nonstop college basketball to watch you pick all the favorites?  Forget the fact that it’s only happened once (2008) since the tournament expanded to the 64 team format in 1985, but come on man.  Get creative Seth.  I’m not saying you have to pick the South Dakota St. Jackrabbits to reach the Final Four, but certainly you can do better than picking all the favorites.  I’m guessing Seth’s combination to his luggage is this.

Notre Dame

The Fighting Irish are included solely on the basis of their hideous uniforms.  Now, The Machine’s not exactly fashion forward (we wear hoodies year round) but holy shit those uniforms are God awful.  The only good thing is that we’ll only have to look at those uniforms for one more game.  #gocyclones.

There you have it.  Check back tomorrow for our Bracket busting tips, upsets, and Final Four predictions.

1 thought on “Tuesday Teabag, March 19, 2013 – March Madness

  1. Pingback: Tuesday Teabag, March 25, 2013 – Seth Davis | Big Red Sports Machine

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