What is it about baseball players that make them susceptible to the strangest, oddest, and downright weirdest injuries of any athletes?  Seriously, year in and year out, the dumbest injuries happen to baseball players.  Whether it’s sneezing too hard (Sammy Sosa), burning your face by falling asleep in a tanning bed (Marty Cordova), or stabbing yourself in the stomach while using a knife to take off a DVD wrapper (Adam Eaton), baseball players are cursed.  Or just stupid and unable to perform simple tasks off the field.

The 2013 season hasn’t even started yet, and already we have a slew of worthy contenders.

Michael Taylor (Oakland)

Injured himself throwing away a piece of gum.  Seriously, he lacerated his pinkie (in two places) while attempting to throw out gum, and had missed a week of spring training.  This one’s odd, I mean, who throws out gum pinkie out. 

Elvis Andrus (Texas)

Sat out a game due to soreness in his arm…from getting a tattoo.  This injury isn’t as weird as it is stupid.  Elvis, your last game was October 5, you had between then and the start of spring training (roughly 5 months) to get tatted up.  Instead, you wait until spring training starts (i.e. you’re back working) to get some ink.  Tattoos by nature are pretty badass, unless you’re this guy, but taking a day off work because it hurt too much instantly takes away any street cred. 

Gio Gonzalez (Washington)

Not sure what to make of Gio…but he sported a sweet looking scar on his forehead.  Bar fight, perhaps?  Catch a line drive off your face?  Not quite.  Gio sustained the injury (later confirmed to be a rug burn) by wrestling with his dog, Hollywood…a French Bulldog.  Fortunately for Gio, he didn’t miss any playing time.  Also, he’s got a good sense of humor (which The Machine appreciates) and when describing his “fight” with Hollywood said:  “She gave me a rug burn. I hate her. And then I love her.  And then I look in her face and then I love her again.”

Jordany Valdespin (Mets)

Jordany takes the cake with the dumbest injury thus far.  It seems innocent enough:  while squaring around to bunt, he takes a Verlander fastball to the junk.  Not good under any circumstances.  However, Jordany raised the bar of stupidity when it was revealed that he wasn’t wearing a cup.  That’s right….a 94 mph heater right to the babymaker.  What could possibly possess you to not wear a cup, especially someone that bunts with an open stance?  Obviously, even with a cup (or full body armor) a Justin Verlander fastball is going to hurt…but as stupid as it is to stand in there with no helmet on, it’s equally as dumb to step in the box without a cup.  The Machine has broken out in a cold sweat just thinking about this.

There you have it…proving once again that real men play [insert any sport besides baseball].  Enjoy the teabags fellas, and Jordany…the next time you’re at the plate make sure to bubble wrap the boys!