A new segment in The Machine’s ever expanding bag of tricks, we present to you the Badge of Badass, a/k/a the B.O.B. What’s a Badge of Badass? Well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. While The Machine loves its Tuesday Teabags (and let’s be honest, it’s more fun to make fun of people) there are times when people do extraordinary things and should be duly recognized for their efforts. So, from time to time, The Machine will hand out BOBs. Still having trouble figuring out what qualifies for a BOB? Read on.
The Machine’s inaugural BOB goes to Daniela Holmqvist, a 24 year old Swedish rookie on the LPGA. Daniela was qualifying for the Australian Open on Tuesday and, while on the fourth hole, gets bit on the ankle by a black widow spider. Yes, a fucking black widow, which looks like this, and for more fear inducing pictures, click here (The Machine just wet himself a little).
Daniela, with her leg swelling up, does something astonishing, instantly becoming a legend. Channeling her inner MacGyver, she takes a golf tee, and slices open her leg to drain the poison out. “A clear fluid came out,” Holmqvist said. “It wasn’t the prettiest thing I’ve ever done but I had to get as much of it out of me as possible.” Amazingly, she then finished her round, shooting a 74 and failing to qualify for the Open, but her efforts were by no means a failure.
This is one of the most courageous and fearless acts in all of sport…add in the fact that it’s a young, Swedish, female golfer (we’ve yet to Google image search her yet but are willing to bet she’s blonde and attractive) and this makes it very similar to a reoccurring dream of The Machine (minus the deadly spider bite).
Seriously, our modern day athletes are, by and large, self-absorbed prima donnas. The days of Ronnie Lott telling the trainer to cut off his finger so he can go back in the game are long gone. We have athletes complaining of hang nails, getting injured moving boxes and playing Guitar Hero. Shit, LeBron won’t even play in the dunk competition because he’s too much of a pussy. But Daniela deserves props for her incredible actions. She also deserves a sponsorship from Black Widow golf grips and spikes. Come on guys, that’s a no brainer.
Anyway, congrats Daniela on your BOB, and best of luck on the rest of the season. You’ve got a new fan in The Machine.